


Marks Not Yet Made

by empty_room



Series: Nine Lives [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Asexual Character, Body Modification, Casual Sex, Consensual Sex, Consent Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Oral Sex, Other, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Rimming, Science Fiction, Transhumanism, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25076524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empty_room/pseuds/empty_room
Summary: How to acquire friends, hobbies, lovers and learn how to own a body.The kitty is still there.This begins approximately two months after Cat arrives at Shatterpoint.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Non-Binary Character
Series: Nine Lives [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744150
Comments: 159
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

Cat did not quite know why being in this room was on his schedule, but he was finding that he liked being hit when it was like this. The floor was soft, so when he inevitably ended up on it, it didn’t hurt.

“Get up,” Zinn said, entirely without emotion. He stretched, flexing lean muscles, and assumed the previous stance.

Zinn made it all look so easy and graceful. To him it was all natural, requiring no thought at all. Cat huffed a little. Zinn was always perfectly exact: he never hit Cat hard, just did something with a flick of his wrist and force and angles that made all the impact come from the floor. It was more of a shove and a twist than a blow, really. The lessons had only started to involve these short bouts of sparring a few days ago. Before it was simply learning forms and sequences of movements and positions, to teach Cat how to move correctly. He still didn’t get it, but the physicality was more satisfying than any of his other lessons.

“Try again.”

Cat tried to take up the position that that Zinn had shown him moments earlier. He got it wrong, but Zinn simply adjusted it with touches to his waist and shoulder and elbow and wrist. Only then did he attempt to tug on the arm Zinn offered. And let go in surprise when Zinn went with the pull. Zinn promptly tripped him up again, and Cat’s back hit the floor.

“You need to follow through,” Zinn reminded. “Again.” This was more of a game than true sparring, but there were important things to learn from this too: how to fall, how to get up, how to keep focus on the opponent.

Cat’s next attempt was not much better, but the one after made Zinn take an extra step. Cat grinned with his success, though he could tell that what he was doing only worked because Zinn was relaxed and letting it happen. In many ways, Zinn reminded Cat of his original trainers. It was nice. He did not ask what Cat was thinking, or feeling, or wanted. It was simple, Cat had been sent here, and they would repeat the same lessons until Cat did whatever he was meant to do well enough.

At the end of every lesson, Cat was soaked in sweat and all of his muscles burned. That pain was how he had learned the length of two hours. He breathed hard each time he pulled himself up. Never before did he need to work like this. He had found things about his body he had not expected. That he liked this pain, that he liked being pushed like this, that there was a physical satisfaction that felt as good as sex.

“We are done,” Zinn said, exactly on time. “What is next on your schedule?” Cat still needed to be reminded sometimes.

“I have free time before lunch,” Cat answered. He still didn’t really know what to do with free time. He usually napped in his room, but an hour was too short. He would need to shower, then get back to his room, and that wouldn’t leave much time. “Can I stay here?” he asked, on impulse.

“I have another lesson,” Zinn said. There was a beat – a pause for Zinn to speak to someone through the network, and then, “Warm As The Moon consents to let you watch.”

Cat blinked at the name, puzzled. Names like that were always meant to imply something about the person using them, but Cat didn’t really know what a moon was other than seeing the occasional pictue, and he definitely didn’t know how warm one would be. Could he ask?

“You will be quiet, and you will not interrupt,” Zinn instructed simply. “Sit over there. You should watch carefully. This will be educational for you.”

Cat settled with his back to the wall, getting comfortable. He waited patiently, his arms wrapped around his knees. He wondered what Warm As The Moon was. Probably some sort of engineer. It seemed like most of Shatterpoint was engineers. He decided that as much as he would have liked to ask, Zinn was not the sort of person that he could ask anything. It simply wasn’t his place.

When Warm As The Moon arrived – a slender person with dark hair and pale skin and no visible modifications – Cat was surprised that Zinn was no chattier for this lesson. He had thought somehow that Zinn would talk more with more important students. The warmup was more complicated, and Warm As The Moon moved faster through a much longer form as part of it. Cat recognised small pieces of what he had studied within it. What fascinated Cat was how every movement was meticulously perfect. _That_ was what Zinn wanted. When Zinn made Warm As The Moon repeat something, it was to correct errors so minute that Cat couldn’t even see what was wrong. It really was educational. Cat wondered if he would be able to move like that one day. Was that the sort of precision that could be achieved through training, or were neural implants involved?

The sparring was even better to watch. They started off slow, but soon the speed was almost too much for Cat to keep up with. Warm As The Moon was modified after all – he seemed too strong and too fast for that skinny frame. Cat could also suddenly see the point of the slow blocks Zinn had made him repeat over and over, and how they linked to follow on attacks. All those cycles ago when Cat had arrived at Shatterpoint, noticing any of that would have been far beyond him.

“Good,” Zinn said eventually. Cat had never seen him out of breath before. “You can both leave now.”

It was not a request, so Cat hopped up onto his feet. He bowed slightly in Zinn’s direction, and then headed to the showers with Warm As The Moon. There were no facilities with any particular privacy on this level of the station, so Cat got to sneak a few looks at the other person – Warm As The Moon had the sort of body that Cat liked, with very few curves. Their skin was so pale that a few bruises from the sparring were already starting to show up.

“Like what you see?” Warm As The Moon teased as they stepped under the water.

Cat was too embarrassed to reply and washed himself in silence. He did not generally make a habit of staring at people. He did smile when he noticed Warm As The Moon looking back at him, though. He liked to be looked at, sometimes. 

“What do you do with Specialist Zinn?”

That question made Cat flush too. “Very little,” he muttered, as he dried himself off. Compared to what he had just watched, he felt like all he did was wave his arms around a bit.

Warm As The Moon laughed, warm and amused. “Not what I meant.”

There was no follow up question. Warm As The Moon had assumed that Cat was being reticent, but the truth was that Cat really didn’t know why Zinn got to be his teacher. He had more than once seen surprise on people’s faces when he told them which room he was learning basic martial arts in. Cat started getting dressed, knowing that Warm As The Moon was watching while they put their hair back into a simple braid. Cat didn’t hurry up under their gaze.

“Where do you eat lunch?”

“Um,” Cat said. “Two levels up.” It was the refectory closest to where he lived.

“I’ll come up with you,” Warm As The Moon said as they finished getting dressed.

“Okay,” Cat accepted.

They stepped out into the corridor together. By sheer reflex, Cat walked half a step behind. Warm As The Moon went to the nearest elevator, going directly up. On his own, Cat usually took the scenic route, past the view into one of the experimental hydroponics labs, where the plants were all strange. But he was hungry enough that a shorter trip was good this time, and they soon stepped out into a wider, brighter and busier space. It was just about shift change, and people clumped on the concourse to chat or spend ridiculously long time deciding where to go next.

“What’s it like living with the legendary Ghost?” Warm As The Moon asked. “If you were living with literally anyone else, I would just assume that they were fucking you... But. Everyone knows.”

“He’s nice,” Cat said, at a loss. It wasn’t the first time someone had tried to ask him these sorts of questions. No one ever asked him about the other people that lived in their section, though some days Cat saw more of them than he saw of Ghost. “He’s busy.”

“I know. I take one of the classes he is teaching.”

“Which one?” Cat asked.

“Methods of viral attack on integrated neural networks,” Warm As The Moon said.

“That sounds very complicated,” Cat managed.

“It is,” Warm As The Moon confirmed.

They waited in the queue together. Warm As The Moon asked minor questions about Cat’s training, genuinely curious about what decisions had been made about it, but Cat was more interested in getting food. Today, lunch was a cooked grain with bright vegetables, and a little portion of cooked fruit as the dessert. It all looked good this time. It didn’t always – that depended on who was on shift and if they were paying attention to the cooking or dreaming about some sort of vastly more important project. That was the unfortunate by-product of everyone being required to work in the kitchen at regular intervals.

Warm As The Moon found an empty table towards the corner of the room, next to a selection of large and spiky potted plants. Cat sat down, but he didn’t really know what to talk about now. He had thought that he knew how to do small talk, but he had discovered that what he knew did not go down well and he had not yet learned how to do anything else. He might have preferred to eat alone.

“I am a strategist,” Warm As The Moon informed Cat. “So if you are interested…”

Cat felt increasingly awkward. At least he knew the name of the other person’s function now. That was something, though he was not quite sure what strategists did. He knew what stage of the conversation they had arrived at, though, and now he didn’t know what to do. He smiled when he felt Warm As The Moon nudge his knee under the table.

“I know a few nice places we could go,” Warm As The Moon said lightly.

Cat perked up when he spotted Ghost walking over.

“Ice, I know the game you like to play, and this one doesn’t know what that game is,” Ghost said without any preamble, sitting down. “It wouldn’t be fair. Go annoy someone else.”

Warm As The Moon delicately raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Respectfully, controller, I thought _he_ was interested in _me_. He’s too cute, so I thought I’d play the nicer game.”

“Can I talk to him alone?” Ghost asked.

Warm As The Moon looked immensely amused as they stood up with their tray. “See you around,” they said to Cat. They cast a look across the room, and then headed to another table.

“Um,” Cat said, watching Warm As The Moon sit down with another group of people and be immediately caught up in conversation. “What did I do wrong?” It was very clear that Ghost had chased off the strategist on purpose, and he couldn’t quite figure out why.

“Wrong? Nothing,” Ghost said. “That one should know better.”

“You were worried about me?” Cat asked, with a small frown.

“Were you interested in fucking Warm As The Moon?” Ghost asked.

“Um,” Cat said, slowly blushing. A part of him had been interested. What was happening had not been a mystery.

“Ah,” Ghost said, considering. “Was my interruption unwanted?”

Cat chewed his lip as he thought about it. “No,” he said. Like in his training, he had not known how to follow through with what he had started in this either.

“I see,” Ghost said. His expression was serene as he watched Cat look steadily more embarrassed. “If you want a sexual partner, I would advise someone closer to you in status.”

Cat’s ears burned. “What do strategists do?”

“Solve problems too small for architects and of the wrong type for engineers,” Ghost answered. “Warm As The Moon is highly regarded for their competence.”

Cat frowned as he thought about that. With praise like that, Cat was certain he was being warned off. Now he was just curious what Ghost thought was wrong with Warm As The Moon. He wondered how he might ask about that.

“I did need to speak to you,” Ghost said.

Cat looked at Ghost attentively, waiting to be told why.

“The engineer Sometime During Eternity wishes to see you,” Ghost said.

“Oh,” Cat said, immediately alarmed. He had known that he would get assigned to an engineer eventually, that would poke and prod at him. He knew, logically, that his modifications did require the occasional maintenance, even in the best of circumstances. It didn’t mean that he liked it. He was glad that he only had a few, so that he didn’t need to see someone often at all – but he had seen that other people visited labs with far more regularity.

“She just wants to talk to you first, to see if you are a good fit,” Ghost said, trying to soothe Cat’s worries. “Nothing will happen that you do not consent to.”

“Can you come?” Cat asked.

“Yes, I suppose,” Ghost said. “It is not standard procedure, but you have the right to be accompanied.”

“I don’t want to do it alone,” Cat admitted.

Ghost shrugged. “If you wish. I will need to show you where to go anyway, so I’ll find you after you are done with your shift.”

“Aren’t you busy?” Cat asked.

“Yes,” Ghost answered. “But I will make time.”

Cat smiled, flattered that Ghost would do that. He finished his food, answering Ghost’s questions about his lesson with Zinn earlier, and only remembered he had somewhere to go when Ghost reminded him.


	2. Chapter 2

Cat’s current shift was two hours of menial labour in one of the smallest agricultural labs. The engineer in charge was occupied with some project relating to seed germination (Cat had learned what that was from the engineer’s very long and very enthusiastic introductory talk), so Cat spent the whole of the two hours sorting seedlings by size and transferring them from one tray to another. In the larger labs, such work was done by machines, but this was a minor project and it was simpler to find a few pairs of hands than requisition drones and programmers.

Cat liked this lab. It was quiet, and the worktables were spread out enough so that he did not feel lonely, but also so that he did not need to talk to anyone. He got the sense no one conversational volunteered to work here anyway. He had never got much more than a brief introduction from his workmates. It was pleasant to know who people were, but to know that he did not need to pay attention to them. He was still getting used to that freedom.

In the first few days at Shatterpoint, Ghost had made it clear that Cat was not required to do anything, but in the subtext it had also been clear that it was desirable that he do some work. It was easiest to accept what shifts Ghost had suggested – all of them had been simple tasks requiring little skill on Cat’s part, and none of his shifts were longer than three hours. Cat’s metabolism had determined that he could only have a limited number of hours of assigned tasks, and procedure said that at least half of those had to be lessons until he was up to the required standard. Cat did not really understand what the required standard was, but it did not seem like it particularly mattered. No one seemed in any hurry to push him.

Still, he preferred the shifts to any of the academic lessons. Some of the work was very dull, but Cat did not regret doing it. He had never really had tasks to do before – his days had been about passing the time in waiting. Having things to do was better, even though sometimes he got the times wrong or had to be reminded to turn up. No one made him feel bad about that, though. He found that he liked watching people, but not so many people that he could not keep track of them all. His worst shift had been in the laundries, where it smelled nice but all the machinery was noisy and there were too many people talking too loudly and constantly coming and going. He was also discovering what he liked – tasks where he could do things with his hands, so his favourite ended up being the kitchen shift, where it was a little too busy for his taste but he got to learn to chop vegetables in very even squares and make little fried cakes. He had a tiny scar on his hand now from where he had cut himself by accident. He knew it would fade soon, but it was also good to have it as a reminder. The best part had been tasting what he had made.

Today Cat was waiting for Ghost, so he was finding it harder to just concentrate on the seedlings. They were tiny and delicate and very easy to damage. Rather than take that risk, he worked a little slower, but no one really cared here. On the other side of the room he listened to the engineer make annoyed huffs as they examined something under the microscope. They did that a lot. Cat let his mind drift, worrying about what Sometime During Eternity was like. Shatterpoint had many, many labs, and no one discussed most of them with Cat. Anyone could wander into a lab like the one he was sitting in, but the medical labs had their access restricted to those that were meant to be there.

Cat stood up as soon as Ghost entered, catching the movement in his peripheral vision. He instantly headed to put everything away and wash his hands. (‘Wash your hands between each task. You will not be the cause of cross-contamination in my experiments,’ had been the only instruction that the engineer had repeated more than once, so Cat took it very seriously.)

“Are you done?” Ghost asked Cat, at the same time exchanging wordless greetings with the engineer.

“Yes,” Cat said, drying his hands.

“Do you like it here?” Ghost asked, looking over the worktable. Cat’s table was the neatest spot in the whole room, everything exactly put back into place. Cat seemed to have a good memory for where things went, and he seemed to like it when everything was in order.

“Yeah,” Cat answered. He was finding that small, precise tasks were pleasantly peaceful.

“Are you telling me that because Mistral is right over there?” Ghost asked. He often checked Cat’s answers like this.

“Well,” Cat said, thinking about it. He wanted to always tell Ghost the truth. “If I wanted to say no, I would have waited for us to go outside to answer.” Mistral was the most harmless engineer Cat had ever seen, but he still would not have wanted to express negative opinions in front of them.

Ghost laughed, leading Cat out of the lab and down the corridor. “What do you like about it?”

“Um,” Cat said. That was a hard question. “No one talks much? And I like the little plants?”

Ghost’s lips were just slightly upturned. “I see. Do you want to do for it longer?”

“I wouldn’t mind?” Cat said, unsure of what he was being asked.

“You do realise you get given the most boring shit in there because you don’t complain about it?” Ghost asked.

“Um,” Cat said. “Yeah.” It had not taken him long to work that out. “I don’t mind.”

“So long as you feel that way,” Ghost said. There was not much expression on his face, but Cat knew he was amused. “Mistral has implied to me they would be pleased if you chose to keep working in their lab.”

“Oh, okay,” Cat said, somehow flattered. He had not realised Mistral was pleased by anything except their experiments.

When Ghost walked faster, Cat lengthened his pace to keep up. They took an elevator a couple of levels down, then Ghost led down corridors that were all exactly the same as the ones above. The same sort of decorative plants were at the same intervals, the same sort of displays of internal station news and decorative images, but people seemed to loiter less here, and there were fewer open doors. It was not long before Cat felt disoriented. So much of Shatterpoint was like a maze.

“Here we are,” Ghost finally said, unlocking one of the doors for Cat. He paused, waiting for Cat to step in first.

When Cat entered, he looked around the room, confused. It looked a lot like a living room. The couch looked comfortable. There were many potted plants on cheerfully asymmetrical shelves. There was a little shrine in a corner, with water and aquatic plants in a bowl of smoky glass. One of the walls was screens pretending to be a window, displaying a view of the Shatterpoint anomaly, but with the colours shaded so the flow looked soothing.

“Is something the matter?” Sometime During Eternity asked from her armchair, examining his expression.

“This isn’t… A medical place?”

“It is not a lab, no,” the engineer answered. “It is a place where I can talk to people assigned to me.” She nodded at Ghost, entering behind Cat. The door slid closed after him.

“I was told you are an engineer,” Cat said.

“I am.” Did that make it wrong for her to have nice rooms?

“Do you have a lab?”

“Of course. Would you like to see it?”

Cat frowned, wondering if that was some sort of trick question.

“Would you like to sit down?” Sometime During Eternity said.

Cat sat down on the couch, taking it as an order rather than a request. It really was comfortable. Ghost took a seat on a chair a little behind Cat, out of the way but still present. He was silent, but Cat guessed that there was a second conversation going on between Ghost and the engineer.

“I think it could be many years before you have any need to step inside my lab. You have no health issues and I am told you currently desire no modifications,” the engineer said. She had all the data on Cat at her disposal. “For now, we just talk. But if you are curious to see what it is like, one of my assistants can always show you around. If you are assigned to me, my lab should be no mystery to you.”

Cat continued to frown at the engineer.

“Do you have any questions?” the engineer asked, trying to prompt more of a conversation.

There were no questions, from Cat’s silence.

“You are not going to ask about my name? People usually do.”

Cat’s shoulders tightened, like he was worried he had made a mistake. He studied Sometime During Eternity. She had a lot of dark curly hair on her head, and she wore black gloves, making sure to cover almost all her skin. He _was_ curious about her name, but such a question seemed impolite.

“I will tell you, so someone else doesn’t do it for me. I used to be a pilot, a very long time ago. But I outlived my ship, so now that I am an engineer, I carry its name to honour its sacrifice. I know it is a mouthful, so you can call me Sometime. Can you tell me about your name?”

“Ghost gave it to me,” Cat answered, baffled by this conversation. It was not the sort of conversation he expected to have with his assigned engineer.

“Do you like it?”

“Um,” Cat said. “It’s a name?” He glanced at Ghost.

“Ghost will not be offended if you say you don’t like it,” Sometime said lightly. “You can always tell us all to call you something else.”

“No,” Cat said, quite sure about that. “I don’t want a different name.” He had not realised that he could just be something else, but now that he did, he found that he was attached to his name after all. He did not know why it felt important.

“Would you like a drink?” Sometime asked.

“Uh,” Cat said, at a loss.

Sometime During Eternity stood up to prepare them all tea, and while she did that, Cat looked around the room again, this time noticing different things. The woven carpet under his feet. How the corner of the room where Sometime was making tea contained a very utilitarian sort of sink. The second closed door. He wondered what that led to.

Cat took the tea he was given, in a delicate cup. It had a pretty, abstract pattern, uneven in a way that suggested it was not machine made. For a moment he was not entirely sure what to do with it. The tea smelled leafy and was a pale golden colour, nothing like the dark teas Nicias’s apartment had always had. He looked at Ghost, reassured that he was not alone even if nothing terrible was happening.

“Aren’t you meant to tell me what you’ll make out of me?” Cat said, emboldened by Ghost’s presence. This was the most important question, and Cat did not want to wait to be told the answer any longer.

“No,” Sometime corrected gently. “I am here to help you decide what you want to be, and then help you become that.”

Cat frowned again, having no response to that.

“It is likely that such a decision seems overwhelming right now,” Sometime said. “But that always takes time. You do not even know what is possible yet.”


	3. Chapter 3

Every fifth day was a day off. Cat had no idea what to do with that vast amount of free time. He would usually skip breakfast in favour of spending the morning playing with Silver. She got plenty of attention from everyone in their residential section, but Cat and Ghost were always her favourites. Ghost often left early to do mysterious things, so she took advantage of Cat being at her complete disposal. She would bring over her favourite toys – a little cloth ball that squeaked when squished, an old sock, a bit of string – and complain until he entertained her.

Once Silver was bored of playing, Cat would finally get out of bed. He would shower in the tiny bathroom he and Ghost had for their personal use. There was no water restriction here and without other roommates, Cat could always take his time. His hair was getting long now, so he had started tying it back into a short little tail. Nicias had expected him to cut it himself, and Cat had known exactly what Nicias had wanted. Not too short, long enough to pull, a little tousled but not too messy. It was new to have to think about this for himself. He had never been allowed to have it long before, but since Ghost had given him no guidance as to what he should do, he had decided to try growing it out. He was relieved that Ghost’s only input had been to find a pile of hairties from somewhere. Once his hair was a bit longer, Cat wondered if he could do things with it. He liked how his hair was, very straight and dark and thick.

It was only a few steps back to his room, so he walked there naked after drying his hair. At least deciding what to wear was easy. He did not have many clothes, just enough shirts and trousers to get him between the laundry days. He did not feel like he needed much more, though June had given him a dark green jumper that was warm and soft for the days that that station had to run on low power. It was the nicest thing he had. Silver liked to sit on it. He patted her as he put on dark blue trousers and a light shirt.

He wandered barefoot into his and Ghost’s living room. Almost everything in there was Ghost’s, and what was not all belonged to Silver. Cat never knew what to do alone there, so he opened the door to the communal areas. Silver ran in front of him, intent on finding out who was around. She leapt into Edonus’s lap immediately. He seemed confused, but he stroked her anyway – this must be one of the bad days, if he did not know who she was. There was no need for Cat to worry, though. Edonus was always very gentle with her.

“He only knows who Celeste is today,” Tsiuri said softly into Cat’s ear. “So don’t talk to him, hm?”

Cat twitched in surprise at being snuck up on like that. “Uh, okay,” he accepted.

Edonus’s memory was variable. Sometimes he knew who all of them were, but that was rare. Usually he knew at least that Celeste was his daughter and Tsiuri was his partner, and then everything else seemed to be random. He seemed to know engineers Kain and Sierra about half the time, but almost never their third, who was hardly ever there anyway. He tended to know what Ghost was, but he never seemed to know who Ghost was. Cat was still new and not networked, so Edonus often had trouble placing him. He never remembered anyone from the last apartment, but that was usually people who were only staying for a short while. From the single rooms he only remembered Destiny, who to Cat seemed both inappropriately named and unhappy.

Even Cat knew it was unusual that Edonus was still alive. Anywhere else, a soldier malfunctioning like that would have been disposed of with little ceremony (just like Cat knew he would have been disposed of if he ever stopped functioning correctly), but here Edonus got to live with Tsiuri and their daughter and was looked after even when he was confused. Ghost had explained to Cat that it was a programming issue that could not be fixed, and that for safety most of Edonus’s combat modifications were removed. Cat had understood quickly that it was still not good to surprise him, and that it was the simplest to just go with whatever Edonus was thinking and to answer the questions Edonus might ask, even if Cat had already answered them multiple times.

“Do you want me to go out?” Cat asked. He had learned that Tsiuri found it easier to deal with Edonus if there were fewer unexpected things in the environment.

“I’d like that,” Tsiuri said. “I’ll make sure Celeste doesn’t pull Silver’s tail again.”

“Okay,” Cat said. He trusted that Tsiuri would look after Silver too, and that Celeste had probably now learned that pulling tails of cats led to claws. Celeste confused Cat. She was very small, asked non-stop questions and was incapable of thinking through the consequences of her actions.

“Thanks, I owe you one.”

“Can you tell me where June or Ghost are?” Cat asked. He could not check himself, but people were usually willing enough to let him know.

Tsiuri frowned slightly as she consulted the network. “Engineer June is in the Memorial Garden. Last known location for Ghost was here, so I can’t help you find him.”

“What about Warm As The Moon?”

Tsiuri shrugged. “I don’t have the permissions for that one. Would you like me to send a contact request on your behalf?”

“No!” Cat said, alarmed at that idea, then corrected himself into something more polite, “No, thank you.”

Cat decided to head to the Memorial Garden. He returned to his room for socks but did not bother to put on any shoes as he went into the outer corridor. This section was carpeted anyway. He took the stairs up, then went across the concourse. Other people were doing their usual shifts, moving around in the usual ways. Cat moved quickly, not wanting to get in the way.

There were few open spaces at Shatterpoint, and the Memorial Garden was not Cat’s favourite. In the central chamber, there was a shallow pool with flat leaves floating in it, and bright little fish. Sometimes there were flowers. Cat liked watching the fish, but he still found the place uncomfortable. He did not like how the walls were etched with names. He could only read one of the scripts used, and there were many different types of writing. There were also symbols, or little images, and sometimes little drawings of ships, precisely etched into the ceramic-like material of the wall. Cat did not understand why people left candles and incense to burn off the walkways. He did not like how many names there were – so many that there were several rooms branching off. There were never any more details other than a name. All were equal, here.

He found June contemplating the curl of smoke from an incense stick, sitting on a bench on her own in one of the side rooms. The wall was only half-full here. He sat down beside her without saying anything, not sure if he should. Plenty of people used the Memorial Garden just as a quiet place to talk, but it did not seem like June was doing that today.

“Hello, darling,” June said, patting his knee in her usual fond way, but she seemed a little distant. She was dressed as simply as she usually was, and smelled faintly of the algae tanks, so she must have been in her lab recently. Her blonde hair had been cut very recently, so short that it was just a little fuzz on her head.

“Are you okay?” Cat asked.

“Just thinking about things. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” Cat said, though he did not like being dismissed like that. “Are there people you know written here?” He couldn’t read any of the names at all.

“Yes,” June said. A sad expression flickered over her features.

“Oh,” Cat answered, not knowing what to do with that knowledge. If he lived here long enough, would there be names he knew added on there? He wondered if he could ask who she missed, but he was not sure if that was something he was allowed to do. He still did not entirely know where he stood with June. And while he was mulling it over, the moment passed.

“Are you not wearing shoes again?” June observed.

“I didn’t think I needed to?” Cat said, cautious. If she had not looked so amused, he would have thought that he had done something wrong.

“Don’t your feet get cold?” she asked.

“A little,” Cat answered. “But I don’t mind.” He wore shoes when he needed to.

“I should get you thicker socks,” she mused. She often gave him new things. Cat did not know why she bothered. “What have you been doing? How is Mistral treating you?”

“Um,” Cat said. “Mistral mostly ignores me. I think.” It was hard to be sure with some engineers. Some of them were woven through all the tech near themselves.

June smiled. “That’s basically affection,” she joked. “Is Zinn beating you up now?”

“Er,” Cat said. “Not really? He, uh. Knocks me to the floor a lot, though? I like it.”

“So long as you do,” June said.

“I watched Zinn teaching someone.”

“Ah?” June questioned. “Who?”

“Warm As The Moon,” Cat said. “It was really… Beautiful?”

“Ah, I suppose so?” June said, running a query about Warm As The Moon.

“I kind of wondered. Is being that good training, or because of how they were made?” Cat asked, frowning slightly.

“Hmm,” June said, thoughtful. “Probably both. You shouldn’t really be asking me. I don’t really know who Warm As The Moon is other than the public entry.”

“Okay,” Cat said, frowning slightly. He did not even know what the public entry said.

“I need to go back to my lab,” June said. “Will you be fine alone?”

“Um, yeah,” Cat said. Her work was obviously more important than sitting here with him. “Do you know where Ghost is?”

“Yes, but I do not think he would like it if I told you.”

“Oh,” Cat said. He appreciated this honesty, even if he did not like the answer. “I don’t know what to do. Tsiuri asked me to be out.”

“You can go to the reservoir. Or to the coffee room,” June suggested, trying to think of good places where he could go alone. She consulted locations of the few people Cat knew. Unfortunately, most were busy or flagged as currently private. She needed to encourage him to take up more hobbies. “Warm As The Moon is at the dock observation deck, if you’re interested in them.”

“Can I just… Go there?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Cat stared at her. “I… Don’t know,” he said.

“I’ll see you and Ghost at dinner today, yes?” June said, patting Cat’s shoulder as she stood up.

“Yeah,” Cat answered. “Thank you.”

After she left, Cat sat for a little while longer, watching the incense until it burned out. He really could just go to look at the ships? He mulled it over, and then abruptly decided that he would work out how to get there. It was his day off. There was not anywhere he was meant to be and nothing he was supposed to be doing. He could spend the whole day wandering aimlessly around the areas of the station he could access. Warm As The Moon would probably be long gone to do something else by the time Cat got there, but he did not care. He wanted to see ships.

It took him a while to figure out the route to that section of the station. His internal map of the area was poor, he found it impossible to understand the drawn maps, and he could not consult the network to navigate. He had to ask a few times, and once he ended up in a place where none of the doors responded to him and had to backtrack. He hated being lost, but he made it eventually – after all that meandering, the right door was sliding open. Instantly, he knew that he had arrived.

The observation deck was above all the dock machinery, the ships far below. The floor was dark grey and translucent, but Cat went to the windows to look down properly. He had no idea how thick the glass was. Probably a lot. It was the whole wall, with warning signs hovering on it. He had been taught all the warning symbols, so he knew – on the other side, it was cold, and vacuum, and high radiation, but falling. It was irrelevant to him. He was not allowed to go put on a suit and go out, and even if he was he would not have known how. Beyond the ships, the vast hangar doors were shut against the outside environment. There was never a view out from inside Shatterpoint.

This was the vastest view possible within the station, and so the area had been made comfortable. There were piles of cushions for people to sit on together on the floor, and low tables to use for drinks and a little food. Cat ignored all the little knots of people socialising. Even had he wanted to, he would not have known how to approach them. He took one of the cushions from an unattended pile right over to the window. He tried pressing his face to the glass, but it was too cold to touch for long.

None of the ships were _As Substantial As A Blade of Light, I Cut_ , but he only knew that because Enny and Jal were not on the station. He realised that he had no idea what the ship looked like from the outside. There were only four ships docked at the moment, all differently shaped, all coated with thick layers of something grey. He wondered what they were called. He wondered what the grey stuff was. It looked like weird dirt. On one of the ships it had been broken off to reveal a section of the hull and that had been opened up to reveal intricate workings. Nothing interesting seemed to be happening there right now, though.

Cat noticed a figure detach from one of the little groups long before he realised that was Warm As The Moon, and that they were really coming over. He froze, watching out of the corner of his eye and not sure what to do.

“Hello,” Warm As The Moon said. “I haven’t seen you here before.”

“Um,” Cat said. That was a statement, but really it was a question. “I wanted to look.”

Warm As The Moon shoved a cushion over with a foot and sat down beside Cat. “You like ships?”

“I don’t know,” Cat admitted.

Warm As The Moon laughed quietly. “Are you deciding, then?”

“I suppose?” Cat did not know what the proper answer to that question was.

“Maybe I was hoping you were here to see me,” Warm As The Moon teased.

Cat flushed. He did not need to give a response to that, but his face did something that made Warm As The Moon laugh.

“Why did Ghost call you Ice?” Cat asked, since it was the first thing that came into his head.

“Can’t use my full name on mission, it’s too complex for the middle of a firefight,” Warm As The Moon answered with a shrug. “It’s like everyone calls him Ghost.”

“I don’t even know what his… Other name is,” Cat admitted, frowning.

Warm As The Moon snorted. “What an ass.”

Cat shifted uncomfortably, not liking to hear Ghost criticised by people who were still strangers to him. He saw Warm As The Moon notice and smile. That was weird. “What do you do here?” Cat asked, feeling a desperate need to change the subject.

“I drink tea with friends,” Warm As The Moon said, gesturing in the direction of the group they had abandoned. “Would you like to join us?”

“Uh,” Cat said. “I’m meant to eat dinner with June and Ghost today.”

“Come join us for a bit, then,” Warm As The Moon said. “You have an hour or so.”

Cat found himself standing up and walking over with Warm As The Moon. Space was made for them, a new cushion pulled in and a fresh cup poured for Cat. He folded his legs under himself and ate a little crescent-shaped cookie that he was given with the tea. After only the briefest introduction, the conversation veered off and fragmented onto subjects Cat knew nothing about – engine couplings on the ship _Ash In The Sea_ , who was going to be in charge of lab three, issues with calibrating prosthetic fingers.

Cat sipped his tea, looking from face to face. They all seemed nice enough. He tried to listen to the conversation, but he stopped noticing anything when he felt Warm As The Moon place a hand on his leg. No one seemed to see or maybe no one cared. Frozen, his whole mind focused only on the way Warm As The Moon’s thumb gently stroked the inside of his thigh. When Warm As The Moon reminded him it was time for him to go, he went, both regretful and relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had so many lovely comments recently, thank you all so much! :D It made me write this one unexpectedly fast. ^^'
> 
> I'm actually feeling very proud recently, the whole series is more than 50k words since the last chapter, and I've realised that since I started Nameless Ways of Living in April, I hadn't finished anything _years_. Before I set off on this I was writing fragments about various characters on tumblr, but now I have two completed novellas, one planned, and one vaguely penciled out. This one will be... At least 25k. I am finding it interesting that I'm writing longer chapters too. And I have to admit, I am an attention-whore - I spend ages refreshing my inbox to check on the kudos and the comments. It really motivates me to know that people are enjoying this! So thanks to everyone reading, subscribing, and pressing some buttons. <3


	4. Chapter 4

“I don’t understand what the rules are,” Cat admitted, after a long silence. His sessions with Sometime During Eternity often began with him saying nothing for as long as he needed, until he finally came out with a thing that was bothering him. He no longer felt he needed to have Ghost with him, and these days he would curl up on the comfortable couch and slowly sip the tea she gave him. Occasionally she gave him cookies. He liked it when she did that. (He suspected she had worked out he was very easy to bribe.)

“In what sense?” Sometime asked, watching him.

“Like… How am I meant to live here. On this station?”

“Oh, in that sense.” It was only natural that he wanted a set of instructions. Sometime was not going to give them. “The rules are very simple. You should act in a way that brings no harm to others.”

“But how do I know what will harm others?”

“That is a thing we all learn. Some if it is simple courtesy. Being rude to someone might hurt their feelings. Some of it is making sure everything is done correctly. For example, if you store food improperly, you will harm others because there will be less for everyone to eat. If you leave tools around on the floor, someone might trip and injure themselves. In this way it is your duty to make the station a better place to live.”

“But. It is not just. Things like that,” Cat said, interrupting. That had not been what he meant.

“No,” the engineer accepted. “It is not. What are you thinking about?”

“Ages ago. On the way here. When I was on the ship. I touched Ghost. And he was angry.” The memory made Cat’s face burn in embarrassment.

“In what way did you touch him?” Sometime suspected this was not really what Cat was thinking about either, but this digression would probably lead there. He often tried to avoid approaching a subject directly if it was about his desires or feelings.

“I touched his dick,” Cat said, frowning. “I thought he might like it.”

“Most people do not enjoy unexpected touches to their genitals,” she stated.

“I like it.”

“Do you really? Would you like it if I did that now?”

Cat frowned. “I don’t know.”

“It is not very simple, is it?”

“I would like it if Ghost did that, I think?”

“Do you think that will happen?”

“No. I don’t know how to make him like me.”

“Do you think he doesn’t like you?”

“He doesn’t fuck me,” Cat said.

“Are there not other ways people might show they like you?” Sometime asked gently.

Cat stared into his tea, not knowing how to answer. He would have to think about that. Ghost had given him Silver, and looked after him, and let him cuddle, and answered so many questions.

Sometime During Eternity waited. If she was not patient, she would never have taken this work. She knew he often spoke if she looked like she wasn’t quite paying full attention to him, so she let her gaze drift onto a potted plant.

“What do I do if I want someone to touch me?” Cat asked.

Sometime thought that he did not meant Ghost this time. “Have you considered asking them if they would like to?”

Cat stared at her.

Sometime had spent far too long doing this to show him even a hint of her amusement. It was sad, but it was also a little funny that he looked so surprised at the idea. “You will need to be able to tell this person what you want.”

“I _think_ they like me,” Cat said.

“Perhaps you should begin by asking them if they like you in that way, so you can be sure,” Sometime suggested. It did not surprise her that Cat wanted a sexual relationship. He was woefully uneducated, and while he acted childishly in many ways, he was certainly not a child. She kept in mind Wei’s note in Cat’s file – ‘little understanding of boundaries and appropriate sexual contact’. The best thing was to encourage him to go slowly, because he was going to go for it eventually. It was more of a surprise that it had taken him so long to start expressing this particular interest.

“Oh,” Cat said, frowning. That seemed difficult. He would have to think about that too.

Sometime During Eternity thought that was enough complicated material for Cat to think about for this session, so she turned the conversation onto easier subjects. While she received all the reports about Cat’s progress, it was important to know what he thought about it. For now, he seemed content – accepting more than questioning, enjoying some of the lessons, finding others dull. She noted the things he liked and disliked, what he was interested in, already assessing what path he was likely to choose. There was no need to push him down any particular route. They could afford the luxury of letting him figure it out himself.

“Are there other people like me, here?” Cat asked, as the conversation wound down.

“What do you mean?” That was a very imprecise question.

“Of my… Type,” Cat asked, awkward.

“Of course,” Sometime said. “Not very many, but a few.”

“Could I… Meet some of them?” Cat asked.

“I can inform them that you would like to meet,” Sometime said. A cursory search found a very short list of names, and one tiny closed network. “I will forward any response to Ghost for you.”

“Oh, okay, thank you,” Cat said, surprised that this was so easy. Why did he never ask anyone about that before? “May I go now?” He must have been here long enough after all that talking.

“Yes,” Sometime answered.

Cat put the teacup down onto the table and immediately stood up. He always escaped as soon as possible. He was learning to be comfortable with Sometime During Eternity, but it did not mean he wanted to be there longer than he had to.

He was done for the day after seeing the engineer, so headed home, taking the long way. Silver came to wind herself around his legs as soon as he got into his and Ghost’s rooms. He picked her up, pressing his face into her soft fur. This she didn’t like, and leapt out of his hold. He watched her stretch, flexing the whole of her spine, all the way down to the twitch of her tail. If someone took her away, it would be the worst thing that had ever happened in his life. He gave her a piece of dried fish to compensate for that awful imagining.

Ghost was not back yet. June had invited both of them to her ‘small gathering’ that evening, and Cat did not want to go alone. The best way to wait for Ghost was to nap. He turned the lights down and curled up under the covers, leaving his door half-open so he could hear everything and so Silver could come and go as she liked. He was a little hungry, but Ghost had promised dinner would be good and therefore he would be patient. When Silver curled up with him, he dozed off easily.

As soon as the front door opened, Cat was awake. Silver was disgruntled when he moved and followed him as he went to meet Ghost. She greeted Ghost by rubbing herself against his legs just as she had for Cat, and Cat kind of wished he could get away with that too. Instead, he went with, “Hey.”

“I need some time to get ready,” Ghost said.

“Okay,” Cat said. He listened to the sounds of Ghost taking a shower and changing as he straightened his rumpled clothes and combed his hair. He was done long before Ghost, so he waited in the front room, cuddling Silver.

“Come on,” Ghost said, when he was ready. He had dressed nicely. He always favoured plain colours, but he wore clothes that fitted his body, and he often wore a whole series of studs in his ears, with gemstones that Cat always wanted to have a better look at and never dared.

Cat followed Ghost to the elevator, leaving the front door a little open so that Silver could go out into the common area if she wanted to. It seemed that she liked people far more than Cat did.

“Did you have a good day?” Ghost asked.

“Um,” Cat said, never quite certain how he should answer that one. “I liked my time with Zinn,” he decided to say.

“Show me what you learned,” Ghost asked.

Cat demonstrated the punch as they waited for the elevator, grinning when Ghost caught his wrist gently and sidestepped.

“You’re learning,” Ghost observed.

“Ghost, why is Zinn teaching me?” Cat asked. This had been bothering him for weeks. “People have told me he usually only teaches complicated stuff.”

“Zinn teaches whoever he feels like teaching,” Ghost said.

Cat frowned, feeling like that did not answer much at all.

These days, Ghost knew how to read that expression. “Zinn trained me, and for a long time we worked together. So, he is interested in who I choose to sponsor. It isn’t very complicated. People are just nosy.”

“Oh,” Cat said. “What did you work together with him on?”

“We went on many missions together,” Ghost stated.

Cat understood that this was the best answer he was going to get on that subject. There were many things that he was not allowed to know. But he guessed. “Did you kill many people?” It seemed like Zinn would be very good at that.

“Yes,” Ghost answered shortly.

“To protect this place?”

“Yes,” Ghost said again.

“Okay,” Cat said. “Can I ask you a question about something else?”

It was always sweet that Cat asked permission. “Of course,” Ghost said.

“People think it’s funny that I don’t know your name,” Cat said, trailing off. It was not really a question, but Ghost would get the hint.

Ghost snorted quietly. He had promised to tell Cat when Cat had the implants to process the full meaning, but he supposed that now was also a good time. Not a lot of people said his name out loud. He spoke his favourite translation, “Weighing The Odds Of The Soul’s Immortality.”

“Huh?” Cat said, utterly blank.

Ghost laughed. He had expected that reaction. He repeated it, and watched Cat mouth the words after him. It was more abstract than Cat was used to.

“What is the soul?” Cat asked.

“The soul is the part of a thing that does not exist in the physical world. It is… What would make you different from someone built from the same parts and the same genetic material.”

Cat thought about it with a small frown. “What is immortality?”

“A thing is immortal if it will exist forever,” Ghost answered.

“I don’t really understand your name,” Cat admitted after they had walked for a while. It sounded very complicated.

“That’s alright,” Ghost said, sounding amused.

“Does Silver have a soul?” Cat asked, with that little furrow between his eyebrows when he was thinking very hard.

“I believe so,” Ghost answered.

“What else has a soul?”

“I believe that everything does,” Ghost said. “But other people believe different things.”

Cat seemed to be mulling that over for the rest of the way as they walked to the small dining room that June had booked. While Shatterpoint encouraged people to eat most of their meals in the refectories, no one stopped people requisitioning ingredients and using a smaller kitchen for a more private meal. June liked arranging these things for her friends. Cat had already been to a couple of them before.

When Cat and Ghost arrived, the room already smelled like some sort of spicy vegetable stew. While Ghost greeted someone he knew, Cat wandered over to see what the two people kneading a green dough were doing and was immediately given the job of rolling it into balls and filling them with a paste. June had not invited many guests – only seven including them, and Cat had met almost all of them before. Cat liked that. It was enough people for him not to be noticed if he said nothing in conversation, but not too many. He could easily keep track of all of them. Once all the dough was used up, he carried the tray over to June.

“Hey, darling,” she said as she took it. “If you want to eat, just help yourself.”

Cat went to fill himself a bowl of the stew. It smelled good, thick with chopped up vegetables and a rich red colour from peppers and tomatoes.

“Take some bread, too,” June reminded, and he did.

Cat filled up a second bowl for Ghost and carried both over to where Ghost was sitting with a person Cat did not know.

“Thanks,” Ghost said, kicking out a chair for Cat to sit on.

Cat listened vaguely to the conversation about planets he had never heard of as he ate, the spiciness of the stew burning his mouth wonderfully. He paid a little more attention when June joined them and they talked about how _As Substantial As A Blade of Light, I Cut_ was delayed. Ghost did not look worried, but Cat saw June looking briefly unhappy. She was good at hiding her emotions.

“So what are we celebrating? The end of your project?” the person Cat did not know asked June. Cat felt that it would be very awkward to ask who they were, after all this time. Maybe he would ask Ghost later.

“Kind of,” June said, smiling. “Orrell told me they have two viable embryos in the lab for me. They’re waiting for me to decide if I want to implant or use a tank.”

“Oh, congratulations!”

“I need to talk to Ennoia and Jal about that,” June said. “But I was thinking I might take the hormones and implant one.”

“Very old-fashioned of you.”

June laughed. “Maybe I am a little old-fashioned.”

“You used Orrell as your geneticist?” Ghost asked.

“Oh, yes. Orrell offered, actually,” June answered. “I think the project was interesting for their lab. It was tricky because we wanted our child to have the DNA from all three of us, but we didn’t want to tailor too many things... And we didn’t want the child to be sterile, like Ennoia and Jal are.”

“Orrell’s lab is very good.”

“Yes, everyone says so,” June said.

“So who’s the baby going to be like?” Ghost asked.

“We’re hoping for Ennoia’s charm, my brains, and Jal’s looks,” June joked. “But knowing our luck, it’ll be my looks, Ennoia’s brains and Jal’s lovely personality.”

Cat felt lost in this conversation, but he smiled when everyone found that joke funny. It was interesting how happy June looked talking about this subject. He listened as Orrell and all the gossip regarding them were discussed, then whether Ennoia and Jal were intending to stay on the station while the child was small, then, oddly enough, what cultivar of pepper was superior.

It much more exciting when the little dough balls he had shaped were brought over for dessert, still hot from being fried. He liked eating them, the way the dough tasted all planty and a little bitter and earthy and complicated and the filling was sweet and gooey and light. He ate far more than his rightful share, washing them down with milky iced tea. He felt ridiculously full when he and Ghost headed back to their rooms, but he only regretted it the next morning, when Zinn expected him to be just as energetic as usual.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic has about twice as many tags now! Well done me. There is a very short discussion of past torture, where a character was deliberately mutilated so be careful if you're not into that. Otherwise, enjoy the sex?

“So, what awful thing did you do to end up here?” Basalt asked, with the smallest of smiles.

“Uh,” Cat said, utterly blank. 

Cat had known Basalt was the person he was meeting as soon as he had walked into this hall. This was a strange, quiet garden, full of plants that consisted of delicate green fronds. The walkways were made out of some sort of gravel Cat was sure had to have some sort of symbolism, opening up every so often into areas with small ponds and little benches. It smelled of green growing things and there was a gentle sound of water flowing from the little constructed streams that broke up the space. Up above, more plants were suspended from the ceiling, some of them in full flower. Cat had to make it all the way to the other side of the station to come here, and it would have been worth coming just to look at this place. But as beautiful as it was, the most beautiful thing in there was Basalt.

No one had needed to describe Basalt to him. Who else could sit on a bench with such grace, imbued with it from the first moment of self-awareness. Cat wondered if he was that obvious too. Basalt’s skin was pale, and his hair was the richest shade of brown that Cat had ever seen, tied back simply. When he turned his head to look at Cat, his almond-shaped eyes were so dark that they were almost black. It was an unnatural colour, giving Basalt’s face an interesting sort of austerity, making all his delicate features seem starker. He had inclined his head to Cat in invitation with such self-possession that it was utterly alien to Cat, and Cat had sat down next to him as obediently as if he had been ordered to come over.

“None of us end up here because we were sweet and cute and _behaved_ ,” Basalt said, his smile widening. “So what did you do?”

“Um,” Cat said, feeling like he was being made fun of. He stared at Basalt’s hands, noticing that the fingernails were not painted black like he had thought, but that they were some other material entirely.

“I’ll go first, then,” Basalt said. “I opened the door for what I knew was a kill squad and didn’t warn anyone. I had been secretly fucking one of them, you see. I knew she was just manipulating me and I worked out what they wanted to do. But I wanted to see how they would do it.”

Cat stared. He supposed that he must say something. “I. Killed my owner.”

“How?”

“I stabbed him while he and the infiltrator were fighting.”

“Why?”

“I thought… I loved the infiltrator. And I wanted to help him.”

“Interesting,” Basalt said. “The infiltrator really did a number on you, huh?”

Cat frowned and lowered his gaze. “Yes,” he said, after a while. He was starting to understand exactly how much he had been used.

“You shouldn’t feel bad. They make them to do terrible things,” Basalt said, his voice very kind for a moment. He knew how these things worked. “You didn’t have a chance.”

“Oh,” Cat said.

Gently, Basalt placed his hands on either side of the Cat’s face and tilted it one way and then the other, assessing. “How many owners did you have?”

“Um,” Cat said, flustered by the warmth of Basalt’s hands. “Just one.”

“Ah, you’re a baby,” Basalt said. Somehow it did not feel mocking. “You’re very lucky.”

“He didn’t treat me nicely,” Cat had to point out.

“No, I expect not,” Basalt said, with a profound lack of surprise. “You wouldn’t have stabbed him if he had.”

When Basalt stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers, Cat closed his eyes and leaned into it. Basalt knew exactly how to do that to make it feel just lovely. Cat sighed softly.

“Why did you ask to see us?” Basalt asked.

“Um,” Cat said. “I wanted to know.”

“I see,” Basalt answered blandly, not asking what Cat had wanted to know. “Zuza did not want to meet you, in case it upset her. I hope you don’t mind. Sayi is away on mission. Arc is currently on Nine. That is all of us.”

“Oh,” Cat said. It did not seem very many people at all.

Basalt smiled, seeing Cat’s disappointment. “Why did you really want to see us? Are you lonely?”

Cat frowned, not knowing how to parse those two questions. What was even loneliness? How could he be lonely with so many people around?

“You don’t even know yourself,” Basalt said, with gentle amusement. “Don’t worry. I brought tea and cakes, just in case I liked you.”

Cat blinked. Did this mean that Basalt liked him? He watched Basalt take a flask and plain cups out of the bag beside the bench. The tea was a pale yellow, and Cat sniffed it when he lifted the cup. It was not his favourite, but it was okay. “What if you didn’t like me?”

“You’re too young for me to be mean to you,” Basalt said, choosing not to answer the question with a smile that confused Cat. Basalt’s smiles seemed like weapons, but they were not pointed at Cat.

The little cakes were dark brown and tasted very rich. Cat chewed one and watched Basalt, wondering why Basalt did not want to answer his previous question. He did not try again, asking instead, “Why are you called Basalt?”

“That is a very rude question,” Basalt answered. This time, his small smile was a little warmer.

Cat thought that Basalt did not mind rude questions considering how the conversation started. “I looked it up. Basalt is a type of rock.” It did not seem like a very nice name.

Basalt’s smile faded a little. He came to a decision, and spoke, “I used to imagine I was stone when things I didn’t like were being done to me. I’d fold myself inside while my body did all the things it should. After a while, you have to learn these little tricks to keep your mind together. So when I was here, and when my engineer asked me to form a network image of myself, that was what I chose. I refined it later, during my training, to the image I use now. Did your sponsor or the engineer Sometime During Eternity tell you anything about me?”

“No,” Cat said. Ghost had simply told Cat where it was. It had been a short and odd conversation, but Ghost had seemed to think that going was a good thing.

“How very kind of them,” Basalt said, with a hint of amusement.

Below Basalt’s warm tone was something cold, but Cat could not work out why. Cat felt that he was in the presence of something very dangerous, like someone should have warned him about this, though Basalt had done nothing for him to feel that way. It reminded him a little of how the infiltrator had made him feel. He did not know whether to trust his instinct. He let the thought go and picked up another little cake when Basalt pushed it over and nibbled on it. They were really good. Cat wondered who had made them and if he could get more sometime. He washed it down with sips of tea, deciding that he liked Basalt after all.

“I like that you don’t know anything about me. It is like being a new thing again,” Basalt said, with another one of those small sharp smiles. “I will tell you that here, on Shatterpoint, I mostly teach, and I help some people that have sexual problems.”

Cat frowned, understanding immediately that this was a redacted explanation of what Basalt did. The ‘on Shatterpoint’ had been very specific. “Like Ghost teaches on Shatterpoint?”

“Hmm, something like that,” Basalt said, his smile widening. “Your file says that you turn up to all your lessons and work in one of the agricultural labs.”

“Yes…” Cat said, trailing off. That did summarise his life. It sounded very boring when put that way.

“Who have you fucked since you arrived here?” Basalt asked. He was curious, and that was not in the file.

“Um,” Cat said, and flushed. “No one.”

Basalt laughed. “No one? Are you serious?”

“I have… Some things to use,” Cat said, embarrassed to have Basalt laugh at him like that. “It’s okay.”

“Just okay? Poor you,” Basalt teased gently. “I’d go mad.”

“I miss it,” Cat admitted.

“I feel like I should fix that,” Basalt said, leaving a gap for Cat to say something. But Cat said nothing for so long that eventually Basalt gave him a pitying look. “Would you like to come back to my room and fuck?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Cat said, immediately eager now that he knew that it was on offer. He started to stand up.

“Can we finish the tea first?” Basalt asked, pulling Cat back down.

“Oh,” Cat said, feeling his ears burn, and feeling the place where Basalt had touched him like he had just been branded there. “Yes.”

“Is there anyone you would like to fuck?” Basalt said lightly, continuing the conversation.

“You,” Cat said, because that was a good answer, the sort of answer someone would like to hear.

Basalt laughed. The attempt at seduction was rather funny. Cat was charming, but it was too expected, and Basalt had long been immune to that sort of flattery. “Yes, but who else?” he prompted.

“Ghost,” Cat answered, deciding to be honest. “But he’s. Not interested. And Zinn.”

“ _Zinn_?” Basalt said. “Not a lot of people would say that. What do you like about him?”

“I like the way he moves,” Cat said. Zinn moved like he could break every single bone in Cat’s body effortlessly, but he always chose not to. There was something appealing in that.

“Hmm,” Basalt said, considering. “I can see why that might be attractive. Anyone else? Is it just men?”

“I like Warm As The Moon too,” Cat admitted.

“You really have a type, don’t you?” Basalt said.

“Uh,” Cat said, awkwardly, feeling like he had been caught.

“You are allowed to like certain things more,” Basalt said, knowing what trap Cat had fallen into.

Cat sipped his tea, looking at Basalt. “Have you been here for a long time?”

“Yes,” Basalt answered. It did not seem like he would make that answer any more specific. “You get used to it,” he added, with a smile, like this was some sort of private joke. “We can get used to anything.”

“Yes,” Cat agreed, the delivery jolting the memories of his training. Basalt was older and made in a different place, but he would have learned many of the same things.

Basalt glanced over to see that Cat’s cup was empty. He offered Cat the last of the cakes as he put things away. Cat ate it with enthusiasm, like he had eaten the ones before. Basalt knew that same pleasure of the senses. “Do you still want to go with me?”

Cat blinked. “Of course.” Basalt had given him the time to change his mind. That had been very kind, but entirely unnecessary.

“Come on, then.”

Corridors around here were much older than where Cat lived, but the living quarters that Basalt led Cat to were much the same as all the other living quarters on the station. No one was in the common area. Basalt opened the door of one of the single apartments.

“You don’t live with anyone?” Cat asked, somehow surprised.

“No,” Basalt answered. “I am not very good at it.”

Cat looked around curiously. The front room did not have much furniture, just a low table and a couple of cushions for sitting on the floor. The bedroom door was open and Cat could see that the bed was very low. Basalt’s things were all on the shelves. Cat could see jewellery, bits of tech, make up, little tools whose purpose Cat could not guess, bits of bright cloth, combs and hair things. It seemed like Basalt owned a lot of needles. Cat could not imagine why.

“I still prefer being on the floor,” Basalt said, a little wry, watching Cat look at the cushions again.

“Oh,” Cat said, understanding perfectly. “I like your plant.” It was a little tree that took up the whole corner of the front room, its roots wrapped around a dark rock.

“Thank you, it was a gift,” Basalt answered. He put away the cups and the tea flask while Cat hovered in the middle of the room. “When we do this, do not touch my hair, and do not touch the back of my neck. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Cat said. Rules were rules.

“Is there anywhere you do not like to be touched?”

Cat had never been asked this question before. He stared. It had not occurred to him that he would get to set rules too.

Basalt snorted. “It’s fine if you don’t know what to say,” he said. “But you should tell me if I do anything you don’t like.”

“Oh, okay,” Cat said, standing like he was waiting for orders.

“You can leave whenever you like,” Basalt reminded, before he stepped in close to touch Cat’s side.

“Okay,” Cat repeated. He turned to press his face against Basalt’s cheek. It was funny, Basalt seemed so much taller, but they were almost the same height. He shivered at Basalt’s hands slid under his clothes.

“Do you like to kiss?”

“Yes,” Cat answered. He knew that. He turned into the kiss. Of course Basalt would know how to do it, gently tasting his mouth. After being untouched for so long, Cat was hard in seconds. He pressed himself against Basalt’s thigh.

“You’re lovely,” Basalt said.

Cat smiled at the compliment, helping Basalt undress him. It was short work to lose the shirt and trousers and underwear. Cat shivered. He had not been naked like this in front of someone for a while. Basalt took a step back to admire him, and Cat smiled again, liking being looked at like that.

“Your owner didn’t mark you,” Basalt said, curious as he stepped around Cat.

Cat turned on his heel, wanting to look at Basalt too. “My engineer says some of my bones didn’t heal straight.”

“Ah, so you’re marked on the inside,” Basalt said. “They can fix your bones, you know. But the old fracture will always be written inside of you.” When Cat reached to take his clothes off, he took a step back and removed them himself, dropping them to the floor. He did it seductively, sliding each piece off like he had been trained to, but his smile told Cat that this was a kind of joke, a kind of showing off, a kind of game. “Do you like what you see?”

Cat did nothing but stare at the scar on Basalt’s stomach.

“My fourth owner shot me. For fun. He wanted to see if that would heal too,” Basalt explained, his smile not fading. It did not sound like he told that to many people, but Cat deserved honesty. “It healed,” he finished, dry. “We’re very hard to kill.”

“Oh,” Cat said. He took a step over to Basalt, smoothly sinking to his knees. He pressed his lips to the scar, feeling the whole of the body twitch.

“Don’t do that,” Basalt said, so Cat kissed down along the hip, nosing into Basalt’s pubic hair. Basalt’s breath hitched as Cat’s tongue curled around the tip of his dick, and Cat felt victorious. Basalt’s fingers tangled into Cat’s hair and Cat moaned, breathlessly eager for anything at all.

“You want to blow me?” Basalt asked.

Cat answered by taking Basalt’s cock into his mouth. It felt like the first choice he had ever made when he heard Basalt laugh and swear. Basalt had not expected that. Cat pulled back to lick the head before he decided to swallow the whole thing down, effortlessly, because he had been made to do that. It was a weird feeling to know that he really could just stop and go back to where he lived. He pulled back when he was out of breath, and Basalt let him draw back. He wanted Basalt to come down his throat, he wanted to swallow it all. So much want. He let his body move with it, and soon Basalt came with a quiet sound. Cat sat back on his heels and licked his lips, smiling, feeling triumphant that he got any sound at all out of Basalt.

“Don’t look so smug,” Basalt teased. “Come to bed with me.”

Cat lay on his back at Basalt’s gentle shove. He lifted his knees and spread his legs, wanting Basalt to see him like this, his cock leaking and hard.

“Aren’t you beautiful?” Basalt said, but he made the compliment into a simple statement of fact. Being beautiful gave neither of them any added pleasure. Basalt found lubricant, so his hand was slick when he wrapped it around Cat’s dick. Cat whined when he pressed his thumb over the frenulum and then into the slit, almost bucking away. Basalt made his touches lighter, figuring out slowly what it was that got the best noises out of Cat.

“Do you want more?” Basalt asked.

“Yes,” Cat answered, breathlessly honest. It was easy to be like this when he knew what Basalt was. “Want you. Inside me.”

When Basalt slid one slick finger inside, Cat almost forgot to breathe. It was so different from filling himself up with his own fingers. The second finger made him moan, because here his silence was not required. He arched his back for the third finger and whined at the fourth. He came shuddering as Basalt spread his fingers as if seeing how far he could stretch Cat out.

“So that’s how it is,” Basalt said, amused, and licked the come off Cat’s stomach.

Cat smiled, rolling onto his side to watch Basalt. He took Basalt’s hand and licked the fingers clean, sucking each one into his mouth, and staring into Basalt’s dark eyes. He did not need to look to know Basalt was getting hard again.

“How do you want it?” Basalt asked, touching Cat’s side lightly.

Cat considered, and then turned over onto his stomach. He found that he did not care, but something told him Basalt might prefer it that way. He raised his ass, offering himself, his spine arched perfectly, and finding utter satisfaction in how his body liked this. He groaned as Basalt filled him up, the first cock in forever. Everything in him exulted in feeling Basalt’s hands on his hips, the weight above him. He moved together with Basalt, shivering as he felt Basalt’s lips on the back of his neck.

“Yes,” Basalt said, “Come for me,” he ordered, and Cat did, instantly, momentarily undone.

Basalt gave him a minute only, and then Cat was whining as Basalt licked the come out of him, taking unnecessarily long about it. He came again without Basalt touching his dick at all. Basalt licked that up too.

“No one’s done that. To me,” Cat said, more stunned than he had ever felt after his head was slammed into a wall.

“I bet,” Basalt said. He left Cat, but only to bring over a glass of water. He made Cat drink some and eat a couple of sweet biscuits that tasted mostly of sugar.

“Are we done?” Cat asked.

“Do you want us to be done?” Basalt asked, curious. He was guessing where the lines were, but it was remarkably easy. Cat’s desires were not very complicated.

“No,” Cat said.

“Then we are just having a break,” Basalt said, settling on the bed next to Cat. “Kiss me when you want more.”

Cat rolled over to kiss him immediately. He wanted so much it was like a vast chasm had opened up inside him and he desperately needed to fill it.

Basalt laughed into his mouth. “Like that, is it, darling? Ride me.”

Cat straddled Basalt’s hips. He touched Basalt’s dick lightly, until it was hard, and then lowered himself on it. He liked this, being able to set the pace himself, and he moved his body sinuously, feeling Basalt fuck up into him. Every time, he got to know Basalt’s body better. He watched Basalt’s face as Basalt came inside him, seeing how Basalt only half-closed his eyes, how his mouth opened a little with the pleasure.

“How many times will I have to fuck you until you’re happy?” Basalt joked, but he was willing enough to find out, amused at how Cat seemed to need to make up for all the lack of sex in one day.

At the end of it all, Cat lay on his side, sticky and pleasantly exhausted, Basalt against his back, nosing sweat-damp hair. He watched how Basalt’s thumb was gently stroking his hand, all relaxed. He realised now what the material of the nail reminded him of – it was similar stuff to Ghost’s armour.

“Basalt, what happened to your nails?” Cat asked.

“They stop growing back properly if they’re pulled out too often,” Basalt said, matter of fact.

Cat froze as he imagined that pain, infinitely relieved Nicias had always liked hitting best, and he relaxed only when he remembered to think about the way that Basalt was now gently kissing the back of his neck.

“That’s it, come back, darling,” Basalt said. “Sorry.”

Cat let out a shuddering breath. “Why did they do that to you?” he asked, wanting to know, and steeled against it this time.

“They liked to hear me scream, I suppose. I didn’t think about the why too much,” Basalt answered. He kissed Cat’s ear. “My nails weren’t all growing back right. That’s why I had them all replaced. This is better, don’t you think?” He flexed his fingers in front of Cat's face.

“I don’t know,” Cat said, thinking it would have been much better if they hadn’t needed replacing at all.

“Do you intend to sleep here?” Basalt asked.

Instead of answering, Cat said, “Basalt, have you ever killed anyone?”

There was a long silence. Basalt took in a slow breath. “Darling. Why are you asking me that?”

“I don’t know,” Cat answered. Now he knew he had asked the wrong question. He should have said: _Basalt, how many people have you killed?_ He could not ask again.

“I’ll talk to you about it when you can give me a good reason for wanting to know.”

“Oh,” Cat said, relaxing again under the weight of Basalt’s arm over him. “I think I’ll stay. If that’s okay?”

“You can stay as long as you like.”

Cat fell asleep with Basalt slowly stroking his side, feeling safer than he had ever felt with anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered splitting this chapter because it's long, but why start worrying now about the consistency of chapter lengths?
> 
> Introducing Basalt properly was hard. There is a prize for anyone who guesses what Basalt's actual job is.


	6. Chapter 6

Cat failed to convince Basalt into a morning round, but he did not really mind. He practically skipped off to breakfast, and the good mood did not fade when he got to his lessons. Today the equations he had to learn where not so tedious. He wondered what the point of learning maths was. Or all the things he had to read and think about. Reading was very hard and very slow and probably worth the effort.

With Zinn, Cat was a little less attentive than usual, a little slower, but at the end of it everything burned as usual. He breathed hard, soaked in sweat, and simply lay there the last time he fell over. This time, it was tripping over his own feet. There had been a flicker of expression on Zinn’s face that might just have been a very, very small snort.

“Zinn,” Cat said. “Can I ask you a question.”

“No,” Zinn answered.

“Oh,” Cat said, thrown.

“We are done for today,” Zinn said. “Tomorrow, I want your full attention.”

Someone else might have asked the question anyway, but Cat only said, “Yes, Specialist Zinn,” using the title to make it clear he was sufficiently contrite. He had disappointed Zinn, and the coldness hurt. Tomorrow he would have to do better. He pulled himself to his feet, sketched a vague bow at Zinn, and headed to clean up and then eat.

At lunch he saw Ghost and answered a few questions about his time with Basalt. Ghost did not ask for details. To Cat’s amazement, he seemed to only care about whether Cat had a good time, and to offer reassurance that Silver got fed and played with as usual. After that, it was the time for his shift, which felt like it lasted an eternity. He almost fell asleep on the worktable.

Then finally it was time for dinner, after which he would be free to do what liked. He smiled when a couple of Warm As The Moon’s friends joined him at the table, casually keeping him company without trying to involve him. Cat was not too sure of their names. They remembered him better than he had remembered them, and that was awkward and a little embarrassing. He should not have forgotten. He listened to them talk – he figured out that History of Shadows was an architect, who was now in charge of one of the medical labs. There was also something about trying to convince another architect to join a project. Cat noted odd gaps in the conversation, like it was deliberately censored because of his presence. People did that a lot. Warm As The Moon joined the table late, and Cat smiled brightly to see them.

“You didn’t eat here yesterday,” Warm As The Moon said, smiling back at Cat.

“Oh,” Cat said, weirdly flustered that someone might have noticed. “No. I went to meet Basalt.”

“Why?” Warm As The Moon asked, baffled.

“Specialist Basalt is also a, uh, entertainment construct,” one of the people at the table commented. Cat had heard other people call her Stitch before.

“That’s a stupid euphemism,” Warm As The Moon answered.

“What else are you going to call it? Sex toy? Pet?” Stitch looked at Cat, belatedly, as if she had just remembered that he might be uncomfortable.

“My owner always called me his pet,” Cat said, very quietly. “Except when he was in a bad mood.” Then it was other things, and Cat had never liked them much.

Warm As The Moon broke the ensuing silence with, “Well, that was fucking awkward.”

“He’s not going to be seeing Specialist Basalt for training, is he?” Stitch said, back to the subject. “Obviously it was for social reasons.” 

Cat did not know what training that might be. Basalt had not told him what it was that he taught, and Cat had thought there would to be a reason for that. There were a lot of things that he was not told. There were a lot of places that he was not allowed to go, either. He never got punished for asking the wrong questions or trying to get in the wrong place, but silences and locked doors were eloquent enough. He did not try to ask what it might be that Basalt did.

“I wanted to meet someone like me,” Cat said, with a smile engineered to put others at ease. It worked.

Warm As The Moon shrugged. That made sense. “And did you get what you wanted?”

“I think so,” Cat said. He had watched enough people to have the hang of giving half-answers and keeping secrets, and he enjoyed being able to choose who he told things to.

“Do you want to get dessert with us?” Warm As The Moon asked.

“Oh,” Cat said. He had not seen Silver for over a whole day. He had been looking forward to it, but he liked the idea of this too. “Yeah, okay,” he decided. Silver could wait a little longer.

“A ship is on approach and should be docking in the next few hours, so we’re going to the dock observation deck,” Stitch said.

“ _As Substantial As A Blade Of Light, I Cut_?” Cat asked, hopeful.

“How did you know that?” Stitch asked.

Cat smiled. People talked a lot about which ships were coming and going. All he had needed to do was pay attention.

“You want to see it?”

“Yes,” Cat said. “I didn’t really… Get to.” He had not managed to pay attention to the ship’s exterior either when he had boarded it or when he left it. He just remembered Ghost holding him steady, both when he stepped on the ship and when he got off, and that little roil in his stomach that was the gravity fluctuation.

“It’s a beautiful ship,” Stitch said, with a small sigh.

“Yeah, sure, beautifully built,” Warm As The Moon said. “But you don’t hear anything good about its mind, do you?”

“What’s wrong with its mind?” Cat asked, curious and a little confused.

“It is known to have some psychological issues,” Warm As The Moon said. “Most engineers on the station don’t want to set foot on it. If I got assigned to that crew, I’d refuse.”

“Are you allowed to do that?” Cat asked, and half the table looked at him weirdly for that.

“Yes,” Warm As The Moon answered simply.

Embarrassed, Cat shut up for the rest of dinner. Conversation went smoothly onto something else until everyone finished eating. He got up when everyone else did, joining the group heading to the observation deck. It felt like a much shorter journey when he was with people. He focused on Warm As The Moon, who was chatting to someone else now, entirely relaxed. Cat did not know how to be that at ease surrounded by so many people.

When they arrived at the observation deck one of the tables was already covered with cups and a tray of sweets. This was not much of an occasion, but it was being used as an excuse for an impromptu gathering. Cat took one of teacups and a square of something sticky and covered with a light brown powder. It was very sweet, so he just nibbled on it as he headed over to the windows. He looked down, but there was nothing different yet. The gates were not open. Cat stayed by the window, finding it easier to be apart from the group.

Additional warning signs flickered onto the glass just before the whole floor vibrated with the movement of the vast hangar doors. Cat watched the radiation level rise, fascinated by seeing the numbers go up and the graph change. He kind of understood how that sort of diagram worked now, but only kind of. Some of his lessons did have a point. To know how things worked instead of never knowing what was happening. It was nice to know sometimes, even though he was sure he would have been just as content not understanding. 

Cat jumped when Warm As The Moon joined him. He had not been paying attention to the people around him and the arrival felt so sudden, but Warm As The Moon must have only strolled over. This was the sort of surprise that he did not like.

“Sorry,” Warm As The Moon said lightly.

Cat never knew what to do with apologies. “What would happen if the glass broke?” he asked instead.

“If the shutters didn’t close fast enough, we would all die very quickly,” Warm As The Moon said lightly. “There are safety measures, if that is what worrying you.”

“Um, not really,” Cat said. He was not worried about dying in a random accident. He did not know if he should be. Warm As The Moon did not seem concerned at all, so Cat supposed he should probably take that as a cue. “There’s not much to see out, is there?” he asked, somehow disappointed. There was only black.

“Not with the eyes you have now, no,” Warm As The Moon answered. “The visual spectrum for unmodified human eyes is fairly limited.”

“What does that mean?” Cat asked.

“Your eyes were made for aesthetics, not functionality,” Warm As The Moon said. “They are very pretty, though. Kind of gold.”

“Oh, thank you,” Cat said, uncomfortable with the compliment. It felt like it was nothing to do with him, but praise for his creators. He did not think that Warm As The Moon noticed.

“There it is,” Warm As The Moon commented, as the tip of the ship entered the hangar.

Cat had never imagined the curves of the ship while he had lived inside it. The graceful sweep towards the engines, the way the plating over the engines glowed with heat. He could see a shimmer around them. The ice towards the front of the hull was pitted and scored, and the side turned towards them seemed discoloured.

“Is that… Okay?” Cat asked, when he noticed.

“Looks like they’ve been in battle,” Warm As The Moon answered, a little curious but ultimately indifferent. The damage to the ship was not their problem.

“Is everyone fine?” Cat asked, immediately worried.

“The network has no record of a casualty report, so I have to presume so.”

“Oh. Good,” Cat said. He watched the ship settling into place, and then the hangar doors closing again. That was all of the show. For a few moments longer, he watched the hull ice smoking as it sublimed. (He had only learned that word two days ago!) “Is that it?”

“Yes,” Warm As The Moon said. “Do you want more tea?”

“No,” Cat said. He did not even want more sweets – he had not liked the texture of what he had eaten, even though the taste was good. Maybe it was time to go. He did not want to socialise, and there was nothing interesting to look at anymore.

Warm As The Moon gave him a contemplative look. They leaned in close, and said, right into Cat’s ear, “Do you want to be a little bit of dessert for me?”

“Oh,” Cat said, very quietly, trying to disentangle the tone of the question. He had wanted to be asked something like this before, right? “Okay,” he said, not sure there was any other answer to give.

Warm As The Moon laughed. “Just okay?” Maybe they had been hoping for Cat to laugh at the silly line.

“I mean. Yes,” Cat corrected.

Warm As The Moon smiled. “I think my place is closer than yours.”

“Uh, sure,” Cat said. He would not have wanted to go to his room to fuck anyway. It would have been too weird with Ghost in the next room and Silver around. He let Warm As The Moon take his cup and return it to the table, not sure what he was feeling. Cat allowed himself to be steered down a different corridor than they had arrived by. Perhaps he felt excited, that was all. He did like how warm the hand on his arm was.

The place where Warm As The Moon led was nothing like other living quarters Cat had visited. There was a series of doors, each leading to combinations of workshop and bedroom. Some doors were open, letting Cat glimpse complicated projects mid-progress. The room that he was led to contained a table covered with pieces of something Cat could not identify, and a whole stack of boxes that hummed softly, all linked with wires. There were many tools, many bits of circuitry. It was a chaotic mess, completely at odds with how put together Warm As The Moon always seemed.

“Is this really where you live?” Cat asked.

“Yes.”

“I haven’t been here before,” Cat said.

“I suppose you don’t hang out with that many engineers,” Warm As The Moon said, shrugging. They stepped out of their shoes and left them by the door.

“I thought you were a strategist?” Cat asked, watching the door close. Belatedly he took his shoes off too. He was here now.

“Yes, but before that I was an engineer, and I never bothered to request reassignment.” Warm As The Moon smiled, and tugged Cat towards themselves. “Don’t stare at my boring work. This is the second time I have you to myself, and I want it to be more fun than last time.”

“Oh,” Cat said, letting himself be tugged with a smile. This was not like being with his owner or with Lian, but it was also nothing like being with Basalt. He shivered as Warm As The Moon slid their hands under his shirt. “Do you want me to take my clothes off?”

“I would _love_ for you to take your clothes off,” Warm As The Moon said, grinning.

Cat wished that he had some prettier clothes to take off, not plain things requisitioned from the stores. People altered and embellished their clothes all the time, but Cat did not know how to do that and he did not have friends that would do it for him. Still, he could shrug off a sack seductively if he needed to. He revealed his skin slowly, looking at the hunger in Warm As The Moon’s eyes. It was curious that he could have that effect so easily, with so little effort in his part.

“You’re glorious,” Warm As The Moon said, as Cat stepped out of his trousers.

Cat smiled. He had heard all the compliments about his appearance before. They did nothing for him but looking pleased was always the correct reaction. He leaned in as Warm As The Moon touched his side and twitched when he felt lips on his ear. He had no idea what he should do with his hands, but Warm As The Moon placed them on their hips. That was simpler. He bent into a kiss, tasting sweetened tea in their mouth, so surprisingly mundane.

Cat let himself be pushed back towards the bed. It was very soft, and there were a lot of pillows. It reminded Cat of Nicias’s bed, even though it was smaller. He lay on his back, exactly where he was put, getting hard just from a light touch of fingers along his thigh.

“Is it always this easy?” Warm As The Moon asked, touching the back of their fingers just along Cat’s dick.

“Yeah,” Cat said. No one would have liked him to be difficult.

“Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” Cat said, though this question felt unfair now. Of course he would say yes. He had seen Warm As The Moon’s dick in the shower that one time, and he wanted it.

“If you say so,” Warm As The Moon said, giving Cat a smile that showed all their teeth.

Cat spread his legs wider at the lightest of presses of Warm As The Moon’s hand against his leg. Everything they did made him tremble. He liked being kissed. He wanted more of that. He breathed faster as he felt Warm As The Moon’s lips on his neck, then on his shoulder. Cautiously, he reached to touch Warm As The Moon’s braid. The hair was so smooth. Cat wanted to pull the braid apart, but he did not know if that was allowed, so he did nothing.

He bit his lip as he watched Warm As The Moon get some lube, as they slicked up their fingers. It was a little cold against his entrance and he twitched, but then spread his legs wider anyway, gasping as Warm As The Moon pressed a finger inside. It was very gentle, but Cat was found it harder to relax than usual. Maybe it was because Warm As The Moon was still fully dressed? Maybe it was because the bed was too soft? He kept thinking about things, and not about the fingers in his ass. His body moaned and arched by reflex.

“Fuck me already,” Cat said, because he wanted to move on. He did not know what else to do. He tugged on Warm As The Moon’s trousers. Eagerness was always well received, and it was an easy set of actions to perform.

It felt good when Warm As The Moon finally got on top of him and pushed inside. Cat moaned, wrapping his arms around them, but he was also somehow disappointed. He had not imagined this. He had wanted it to feel different. He found himself following his training, almost automatic. Warm As The Moon knew how to make him come, and they were good at it, but it was not quite the right sort of relief that Cat was feeling when it was finally done. Warm As The Moon kissed Cat’s neck after, slow and gentle, but Cat wanted more and more to be elsewhere.

“Can I go now?” Cat asked, because he realised that if he said nothing he might be here all night. And he did not want to be cuddled, and he did not want the chance that Warm As The Moon might want to have sex again. He had to ask.

Warm As The Moon sat up. “Right,” they said, puzzled by the abruptness. “If you want to clean up, the bathroom is at the end of the corridor, just-“

“It’s okay,” Cat interrupted, getting out of bed and picking up his clothes. His hands did not shake as he got dressed. He would shower when he got back to his own bathroom.

When he finally worked out how to get home, he found Ghost still awake, idly stroking Silver on the couch. Cat went straight to the shower, before Ghost could say anything. Only after he was clean did he sit down, putting his head on Ghost’s shoulder and reaching over to stroke Silver too. That felt better, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz comment or i die


	7. Chapter 7

Cat was distracted, unfocused, uncertain, until his face accidentally met Zinn’s fist hard enough to bruise. Sitting on his ass, he stared up in surprise. He should have moved. In hindsight, it was a completely telegraphed attack, and there had been plenty of time to get out of the way. Compared to all the times that he had been hit on the head, this was new. All the other times he had been meant to stay still and take it and he had always done well at that, but now he was meant to do the opposite and he had failed.

“If you will be careless, you should not be here,” Zinn said, with a hint of annoyance that Cat had never heard before. Being bad at something was permitted. Being distracted was not. “You are of no use if you will daydream.”

Cat folded his legs under himself, bending his head down. “I’m sorry.”

“Do not kneel in front of me. Do I look like your master?”

“No, Specialist Zinn,” Cat said, but he was utterly frozen. He thought that meant that he should move. He did not know what other position to take.

“I do not care what little personal dramas you are having,” Zinn said, certain that it was only that. It happened with every student at least once. “Tomorrow you will leave them at the door, is that understood?”

“Yes, Specialist Zinn,” Cat said. His cheek hurt. He reached up to poke it. Had he become so unused to pain?

“Focus should not be something I have to teach you.”

Cat bit his lip, feeling correctly reprimanded. He had learned focus the hard way, when he was so young that he had barely had any sense of self. A response was required, so he said, “I’m sorry, Specialist Zinn. I will do better.”

“You will,” Zinn said. “I will discuss this incident with both your sponsor and your engineer. You are dismissed.”

“Yes, Specialist Zinn,” Cat said quietly. Twice in two days Zinn had ordered him to leave early. Zinn’s displeasure burned and he was ashamed. He had to do better tomorrow.

Cat showered, but he was not in the mood for lunch. He went back home instead, where there was no chance of running into Warm As The Moon or anyone in their group of friends. However, he did not want to be alone either, so he sat down in the common area, curling up in one of the couches. Silver settled in his lap and purred as he stroked her. Destiny was in a corner working on something on a screen, and on the floor Edonus was playing with Celeste by helping her make shapes out of magnetic building blocks.

Cat kind of wished that he could play with blocks too, but instead he watched tension slide into Edonus’s back and the posture subtly change as Edonus realised there was something in the room he did not understand. Cat waited, predicting almost to the second when Edonus would turn his head and ask.

“Who are you?” Edonus said.

“I’m Cat. I live here now,” Cat answered, like he always did. Destiny looked up from the screen for a moment, as if to check whether Cat needed any help, but Cat had fielded these questions often enough now not to need any coaching.

“Did I forget again?” Edonus asked.

“Yes,” Cat said, knowing that it was best to be honest.

Edonus thought about it very hard, then he said, “Are you normally here at this time of day?”

“No,” Cat said. Edonus felt better if he was given reasons for now knowing something, so Cat tried to do it if he could. “Normally I only come here after dinner, but Zinn sent me out early.”

Edonus frowned. He knew who Zinn was. “You don’t look like a combat specialist.”

“Oh, I’m not,” Cat said. “Zinn is just teaching me self-defence.”

From Edonus’s expression, this was nonsense, but Cat was saved from having to explain by Ghost’s arrival. Edonus immediately turned all his attention back to his child. It was not fear – it was as if Edonus simply decided that the presence of a controller meant that everything was fine and correct and did not need to be questioned in any way.

“You aren’t at lunch?” Ghost asked.

“I don’t feel like it,” Cat said. He noted that Destiny seemed to be about to die of curiosity in the corner. Awkward.

Ghost gave him a quizzical look. Cat being off food was highly unusual. He led with, “What happened to your face?”

“Zinn hit me,” Cat answered. “It was an accident.”

Ghost tilted Cat’s face one way then the other with a light touch. He ran his fingers over the bruise gently, seeing that there was very little swelling. Zinn had not hit Cat with the intention to hurt – the angle of the blow was a little wrong for that, and it did not look like Zinn had used anywhere near his full force. Just a training accident.

“I wasn’t paying attention,” Cat explained, confused by the care Ghost examined him with. “It doesn’t really hurt,” he assured. “It’ll be gone soon.”

“I’m sure,” Ghost said dryly. “Can we talk in private?”

Cat picked up Silver and headed to their rooms with Ghost. He paused in the centre of the living room, cuddling the cat. He pressed his face into her fur, so soft. She grumbled, so he stopped that and scratched her under the chin instead.

“What happened last night?” Ghost asked, once the door was shut.

“Nothing,” Cat said, because it was nothing, really. It had just been sex. Silver purred in his arms.

“What were you doing before you came home yesterday?” Ghost corrected, trying to find the right question. He had allowed Cat to share his bed last night, assuming that Cat’s low mood was due to something unimportant and that physical contact would fix it. He had slept with Cat curled up against his back and a cat draped over his neck, and in the morning Cat had seemed his usual self. But something must have happened.

“I went to Warm As The Moon’s room,” Cat said, a little worried that Ghost would disapprove.

“And what did you do there?”

“They fucked me,” Cat said. What else would he go to someone’s room for?

“Did Ice do something you didn’t like?” Ghost asked.

Cat frowned. “It was just sex.”

“I see,” Ghost said, going to his room to start getting changed.

Cat trailed after, not sure that Ghost saw at all. “It was just sex,” he said again. “They didn’t hurt me.”

“That is a very low bar, Cat.”

Cat watched Ghost put on new clothes, familiar now with the sight with Ghost’s skin. He liked looking. If he could touch, he would have.

“I do not like Ice. I disagree with many of their strategy choices in the field and I do not like how they treat their teams,” Ghost said. “But I warned them that they should not play sex games with you and I did not believe they would intentionally hurt you. So what happened last night?”

“It was… Just sex. No games. We kissed, and then they fingered me, and then they fucked me. I came,” Cat said, a little defensive. Everything had been fine.

“And how did it make you feel?” Ghost asked.

Cat took in a little breath. That was a strange question. Why would Ghost want to know that? He was at a loss for how to answer but eventually he said, “It was okay. I just wanted… For it to be done.”

“Cat. You did not enjoy it, did you?”

“It was fine?” Cat said, unsure of what Ghost was implying.

“You say that it is fine, but it appears to have upset you,” Ghost stated.

“I just… Expected it to be different,” Cat said, flustered. Ghost was right. It had upset him.

“Maybe sex wasn’t what you really wanted from them.”

“Huh?” Cat asked.

“In some ways it is natural for you to think that sex should be the foundation of all your close relationships,” Ghost said. “No doubt your training would have led you to expect that is all people will want from you. And I believe it is likely that sex is all Ice wanted from you. They have a kind of charm, I suppose. They’ve always seemed to have success in that department. But Cat, not everyone just wants to fuck you. Some people might like you just because you are sweet and charming and have a few thoughts in that head of yours. Perhaps you might have wanted Ice to appreciate you for those things, not for how nice your ass is or what a pretty face you have.”

Cat frowned. “Do you think my ass is nice?”

“Of course,” Ghost answered. “I can appreciate the design principles. You wear them well.”

What a weird thing to say that was, Cat thought. But as he disentangled the two sentences, he realised that it was the kind of compliment he liked after all. “Why don’t you want to fuck me?”

“See, you’re doing it again,” Ghost said. “I can like you without feeling sexual desire for you. It is not because you are not attractive.”

“I heard there was someone you used to have sex with. Architect Sonam,” Cat said.

Ghost turned to look at Cat as he buttoned a shirt. “You have been listening to gossip,” he said, evenly. The reproach in his voice was almost entirely concealed, but Cat caught it anyway.

“People talk about you,” Cat said, feeling the need to explain, worried he had done something wrong in bringing this up. 

Ghost sighed, visibly hesitating. He adjusted his cuffs and then spoke, “Sonam was the other half of my mind. When we were together, we were one person. It was enough that he felt sexual desire. I wanted it too when he could share those thoughts with me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, but maybe you will one day,” Ghost said. Cat had spent too much of his life as a toy for unmodified humans, and he did not even have the implants that would allow for that sort of sync. It would have been difficult to explain the complexity of the relationship he had with Sonam. It was better to move on. Ghost sighed. “When I was young, I did have sex with more people. To feel closer to them, I suppose. Sometimes, even if I felt no particular enjoyment, it was still satisfying to please someone I liked, to make them feel good. Other times it simply felt boring. Sex was never about my own pleasure.”

“Oh,” Cat said. He understood _that_. His pleasure had always been a by-product, or on someone else’s discretion. He could not really imagine Ghost having bad sex, though. Ghost was too handsome and too much in charge.

It was time to steer the conversation back on the subject. Ghost studied Cat’s expression, trying to gauge what the best thing to say was. “I am trying to tell you that I understand that there are reasons to have sex you might not enjoy. What was the reason you had sex with Ice?”

Cat frowned, putting Silver down. “I didn’t know how to leave. I thought it was the easiest to just finish it. I don’t know…” He bit his lip, and then turned what would have been a statement into a question, “What should I have done?”

“You could have said ‘I want to go home now’ or ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’, Cat,” Ghost said. “I’m sure Ice would have been disappointed for a few minutes, but that’s the worst thing that would have happened. Here, you are allowed to change your mind. Your body is yours, to do with what you want.”

Cat shifted from foot to foot, uneasy.

“You should talk about this subject with Sometime During Eternity. She will be better at discussing it with you than me,” Ghost said. “Will you talk to her?”

“Yes, Ghost,” Cat said, with that finality in his tone that meant he had taken Ghost’s suggestion as an order.

“Good,” Ghost said.

“Can I ask. What happened to Sonam?”

“Sonam sacrificed himself on mission in order to protect me and my squad. He thought his life was the cheapest, because he was dying anyway,” Ghost answered, a note of pain in his voice. “His name is in the second antechamber of the Memorial Garden.”

“Oh,” Cat said, unsure of what to say.

“Are you going to go to your lessons now?”

“Can I… Go with you?” Cat asked. To wherever Ghost was going.

“Are you sure? You will probably find it boring. I am only going to the shrine,” Ghost said.

“I’ve never been to a shrine,” Cat said.

Ghost sighed. “Come on, then. I will notify your tutors you will not be attending.”

Cat put Silver down and followed Ghost, a step behind, not sure where they were going. To him, shrines had always been little alcoves in the offices of engineers, usually containing nothing more than a bowl of water and a stone. Those existed even on Shatterpoint – as shorthand for something Cat did not understand and had never thought to ask about.

They left their living quarters and went up a couple of levels, then took a broad corridor that Cat had always thought only led to the sort of rooms he was not allowed to enter. Ghost paused before he went through a particular doorway, but nothing seemed special about it to Cat. He paused too, peering at the notice that informed him there was no network access over the line, and then caught up with Ghost. The doorway opened into a short curved corridor, with long trough of flowing water running the whole length of it.

“Wash your hands here,” Ghost said.

“But they’re clean?” Cat said.

“Do it anyway.”

Watching how Ghost did it, Cat rinsed his hands with the water too. What an odd thing to do. The door beyond led to a large and mostly empty room. All of the walls displayed a feed of real time observations of the anomaly, shaded in cool tones, and in the centre there was a fountain. It was nothing more complicated than clear water flowing over rocks covered with soft green moss. Cat would have liked to touch it, but this would not be like sticking his hands in the water when he had wanted to touch the water lilies in one of the gardens. He could tell that here it would be wildly inappropriate.

This room had a different smell, too. Inhaling deeply, Cat could smell incense and flowers from the arrangements around the edge of the room. There were very few people, all spread apart to have space for private devotions. Ghost picked up a stick of incense from a shelf next to the doorway and lit it, placing it upright into a bowl of sand. Cat wondered if he should do that too, but while he thought about it Ghost moved on into the chamber, so he simply followed instead. Ghost obviously had a favourite spot, because he circled the fountain before picking a place to kneel. After a moment of hesitation, Cat knelt beside him.

Cat realised very quickly that he was bored. This reminded him of the apartment, of waiting for someone to come back, of watching the birds in their cage flit from perch to perch. He missed them. There was nothing to look at here except moss or the slow drift of gas clouds displayed on the walls. Cat saw tension slowly drain out of Ghost’s spine as the silence went on, so he did not want to interrupt. He knew he could sit still for a long time, but he let his neat stance slip, his spine bend. He watched how Ghost’s hands were folded in his lap and copied that for a little while. Ghost could sit very, very still for a really, really long time. Cat felt outclassed in that department. He shifted his weight to one side. The moss was very green. It was pretty, really. It had to take a lot of work to keep it in that state. Cat shifted his weight to the other side.

“I said you would be bored,” Ghost said quietly.

Cat startled and froze, immediately fixing his stance. He had not realised he was fidgeting that much. “I don’t know what I’m meant to do,” he admitted.

“Sit. Think,” Ghost answered.

“What do I think about?” Cat asked.

“This room was built so we could sit and contemplate the universe,” Ghost said. “But I admit that sometimes I just think about how much my back hurts and what I am going to eat for dinner.”

“Oh,” Cat said. “What is. The point?” He gestured at the moss and the rocks.

“It is simply something to focus meditation on. It could be said that all life comes from stone and water, dead things. And yet the moss uses them to grow.”

“There are also the lamps,” Cat pointed out. The moss was very nicely lit. It was a plant, and plants required light to do something called photosynthesis that seemed very complicated.

“Well, of course,” Ghost said, with a little smile. “It is all more metaphorical than realistic.”

Cat did not know what metaphorical meant. “And there must be gardeners,” he added. All plants on Shatterpoint took work.

“Yes,” Ghost accepted, amused. “Nothing survives here without help.” There was symbolism in that, too. How much effort it took to keep something alive, here, in this hostile section of space.

“What did you think about today?” Cat asked.

Ghost looked back at the rocks, contemplating the question for a long while. He turned his gaze to Cat and decided to be honest. “I thought about how I do not know what to do with you. It is difficult to live with someone after all these years. I considered whether I should have the surgery my engineer recommends.” He paused, then continued, “I thought about how much I miss Sonam, and if it is any solace to me that the atoms he was made of are still a part of the universe.”

“Oh,” Cat said. Not knowing what to say, but feeling like he should say something, he said, “I learned what an atom was last cycle.”

“Did you?” Ghost said, smiling. “Good.”

Cat smiled back, basking in how Ghost was pleased with him, distracted by that smile from any questions he might have had. He felt a little happier looking at the moss now. His stomach let out a very loud grumble, breaking the silence. A woman several metres away turned to stare at them. Quiet conversation had been more acceptable.

Ghost looked at Cat. After skipping lunch, Cat was overdue a meal. “We should go eat.”

“Can I come with you again sometime?” Cat asked.

“Yes, of course,” Ghost said.

Cat rose smoothly with Ghost, looking forward to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments on the last chapter! I was very anxious about whether I got across what I wanted to with the different sex scenes in ch 5&6, and I am so pleased that it seems to have worked. :D
> 
> Remember, every time I get a comment, I read it at least 5 times and bounce around the house for a bit. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Cat avoided Warm As The Moon. It was remarkably easy – so easy that he suspected Ghost might have had a word. He felt both mortified and relieved. In an attempt to give no further cause for Zinn to send him away early, he managed to work so hard he caught Zinn looking pleased for about half a second before going back to the usual stony expression. His shifts passed without incident. He got assigned new tasks in the agricultural lab, and those were complex enough to occupy his mind as well as his hands during those hours.

For several meetings with Sometime During Eternity, Cat had to discuss sex. He had to tell her what had happened with Warm As The Moon, but it was simpler to say when he had told Ghost already. Several times they went over the same points: he did not need to have sex with anyone; if he wanted to, he could change his mind even in the middle. He could always refuse, and he could always leave. It was different now. Sex did not need to be something that was done to him. It should be something he took part in. He was a slow study when it came to this lesson. He thought it was all too much talking, and it did not make much sense anyway.

In the evenings, Cat spent time with Ennoia and Jal, who treated him genuine fondness, asking him what he was learning and what he was doing. He did not ask what their mission had been and they did not talk about it. Jal told him a few new stories. Ennoia petted his hair and said she liked it down to his chin. She taught him how to pin it back and put in little braids that kept it out of his face. He could have worked it out himself, but he enjoyed the effort she put into teaching him and how her fingers felt in his hair. It was good to have them back on the station.

Other things were even more interesting. Cat learned that June was now pregnant, that Ritika had been flirting with another engineer ever since the ship had returned, that Last Stars of the Morning was in some sort of trouble because they had not followed correct protocols. He could not find out much about the last thing – it was one of those subjects that people did not want to talk about in front of him. He would go to bed tired.

Every morning, he got woken up by Silver. She was better than an alarm: she had learned when her food was, and thus she walked all over his face until he got up and gave it to her. He yawned widely while he filled her bowl and gave her fresh water. Ghost was using the bathroom, so he sat down on the floor and watched Silver eat. He needed to wash, get dressed, go to the refectory for breakfast, and then it was going to be time for his first lesson.

Ghost came out of the bathroom nude, heedless that Cat might be watching. This place was too small for modesty. “Good, you’re awake.”

Cat looked appreciatively at how drops of water glittered on Ghost’s skin, but he knew that he was not going to get to touch anytime soon. “Yes?” he asked.

“I received a message for you,” Ghost said. “An architect wishes to offer you work. She wishes to speak to you at dinner.”

The statement was some sort of test, but Cat had no idea how he was meant to respond. He blinked at Ghost, utterly blank.

“You don’t know anything about this, do you?” Ghost asked, with a small sigh.

“No, Ghost,” Cat answered.

“You have not had any dealings with Architect Selene?”

“No…” Cat had never heard the name before. “Should I know who that is?”

“I see,” Ghost said. “I suppose she will explain at the meeting. I will come with you.”

“Okay,” Cat said, smiling. That was good. He liked it when Ghost was there when strange things happened. “What are you doing today?”

“I’m going to see Wei on _As Substantial As A_ _Blade of Light, I Cut_ ,” Ghost answered. He headed to his room to put some clothes on, continuing the conversation through the open doorway, “You should go see him too. He is fond of you, in his way.”

“Can I just do that?”

“Huh?”

“Go on the ship?”

“Who is going to stop you?” Ghost asked.

Cat blinked. “Oh. So I can just… Go there?”

“Yes, Cat.”

“Oh!” He had not realised.

“After lunch would be good for Wei. You could ask him to go to June’s thing. He won’t go if I ask,” Ghost said, coming out of his bedroom dressed. He messed up Cat’s hair on the way out. “But only if you want to go down there. Don’t feel obliged. I’ll see you at dinner.”

Cat combed his hair with his fingers then went to get ready for the day. Breakfast, maths lesson, Zinn, lunch. He felt all sore as he ate, thinking about if he should go see Wei. Wei had been kind to him, and he could go for politeness or to complete the little task Ghost had set him, but it was the ship he wanted to see again.

All the doors opened for him on the way down to the docks, and no one questioned why he was there. The area around the ship had been pressurised and the hold was open, cavernous and huge, and yet looking small within the even vaster space around the ship. It was a strange perspective. When he had boarded previously, it had been through the main airlock – a narrow little corridor – but this time he could walk right up to the ship and into the hold. The air was cold and his breath came out in little puffs of white, so he hurried inside.

The hold was completely empty. He had never seen it while he was living on the ship, but it was not very interesting at all, really. An engineer carrying tools gave him a curious look but said nothing, heading towards a section where there seemed to be a lot of cables tangled everywhere. Cat decided that was definitely not the direction he should take and found his way up instead. It was going to be warmer there.

It was strange to be back in the living quarters. The bedrooms were both open, but all the furniture had been stripped out of the room Cat had slept in and the floor had been lifted to reveal cables and pipes and blocks of something. The other room had a single made bed, presumably where Wei slept. Cat peered in, but there was nothing more interesting than sheets and a few pieces of clothing discarded on the bed. The armoury was still locked. The rec room furniture was how it always was. The few scratches Silver had made were exactly where he remembered. In the kitchen, there was one dirty plate, some chopsticks and one dirty mug, not yet put in the cleaner. Everything seemed both larger with so little stuff, and smaller than he remembered it all at once. For a little while, this ship had been the whole world.

“What are you doing?”

Cat jumped in the middle of looking through the kitchen cupboards. He turned and smiled at Wei. “Hello.”

“Hello, Cat,” Wei said. He did not look surprised. “Do you want some tea?”

“Yes,” Cat said.

“Amazing, you look like you actually thought about if you wanted tea,” Wei said, finding two clean mugs and heating up water.

A little furrow appeared between Cat’s eyebrows.

“And you didn’t smile inanely when confused!” Wei added, like it was an excellent improvement. He seemed to be finding this a little funny.

“Um,” Cat said. “I wanted to see the ship again.”

“It is pleased to see you too,” Wei said, getting out actual tea leaves instead of the powder. Cat could have a little luxury.

“Is it?” Cat asked. He always found it amazing that the ship had thoughts like that. He wondered what it was like to be a ship. It must have been very different from being Cat.

“It thinks you are very sweet and very stupid,” Wei said, translating with more than the usual candidness. “It seems to like people it thinks are stupid.”

“Oh,” Cat said, not knowing how to take that. On one hand, the ship thought he was stupid. On the other, it did think he was a person. He took the mug when Wei handed it to him and sat down at the kitchen table. “How do you know what the ship is thinking?” he asked, watching Wei look in the cupboard for snacks. He accepted a cookie when it was offered.

“It is always in my head,” Wei said, putting the cookies away without taking one himself.

“Why?”

“It wanted to keep me. So it has,” Wei said, intrigued that it had occurred to Cat to ask.

“Can you stop it being in your head?”

“Why would I want to?” Wei asked.

“I don’t know,” Cat said. He took a sip of the tea and a bite of the cookie, thinking about what to say next. “I heard people say that some engineers don’t want to go on this ship. That its mind…” He did not want to repeat exactly what he had heard. “I don’t know. I didn’t really understand what they were talking about.”

“This is a warship, Cat,” Wei said. “It is old, and its mind has peculiarities because of what it has experienced. Not every network is suited to every mind.”

“Okay,” Cat said, frowning slightly. “I don’t really understand that.”

“How much programming have they made you do?”

“Um. None?” Cat said, drinking his tea.

Wei snorted. “None yet, you mean. In simple terms then. A ship’s mind dominates the local network within itself. If… The way you exist in the network is a poor fit with the ship’s mind, then you will be uncomfortable. At the least. You do not have this problem because you do not exist in the network, since you have no relevant implants. Do you understand?”

“Kind of,” Cat said. “So… You and the ship fit well together?”

“Yes,” Wei said, leaning against the counter and watching Cat drink the tea slowly. Cat was cute when he was all puzzled and trying to work something out.

“Ghost told me to ask you to come to June’s thing tomorrow,” Cat said, giving up on the previous subject.

Wei was absolutely certain Cat was never going to be an engineer. “Did he really?” he said, very dry. “What does she want now?”

“I think it’s just food and sitting in a room again,” Cat answered readily, looking at Wei over his mug.

“You make it sound so appealing,” Wei joked. 

“I like it, because I get to eat new things and no one talks to me much,” Cat said.

“You don’t like when people talk to you?” Wei asked, a little surprised. He expected Cat to be a more sociable creature.

Cat tilted his head slightly as he thought about it. “No. I think I like talking to people when it’s just one or two people? Or when it’s people I know already. But when there are a lot of people, it’s hard to keep track of everything.”

“You do realise you don’t have to keep track of everything?”

“I know, Sometime During Eternity keeps telling me,” Cat said. “But I get worried someone will be angry at me when I can’t. She says I have anxiety because I wasn’t treated very well.”

Wei smiled. This was a vast amount of progress. “It is good you know what the problem is.”

“Why don’t you want to go?” Cat asked. He wondered why it was that he had used to find Wei so scary. There were a lot of scarier people on the station.

“I hate agriculture. All the engineers June knows talk about nothing else.”

This was not a real answer. This was the sort of answer someone gave when they wanted Cat to stop asking. “Oh, okay,” he said. He paused, then added, “But I will be there, and you can talk to me about something else.”

“I will consider it,” Wei said, amused by the offer. 

“I need to go to dinner now,” Cat said, not too sure of the timings but remembering that he had an appointment and that the refectory was far from the docks.

“You know how to find your own way out, I think,” Wei said, taking Cat’s empty mug.

“Yeah,” Cat answered with a smile. “Goodbye.”

Cat retraced his way through the ship and then back up all those levels. It was busier now that it was close to shift change, but Cat was still early for dinner. He charmed the kitchen into giving him food early and got a large pile of spicy noodles with chopped up vegetables, and fresh fruit for dessert. The room was still mostly empty, so he picked the table he liked, next to a wall, where he could see the whole room. He was only a third of the way through his noodles when Ghost arrived and sat down next to him.

“Good day?” Ghost asked.

“It was okay,” Cat said. “I went to see the ship.”

“Did you talk to Wei?”

“Yes,” Cat said. “Um. Is the person that wanted to see me coming?”

“Architect Selene? Yes,” Ghost answered.

“What does she want with me?”

“I have no idea,” Ghost said. “She runs one of the restricted medical labs.”

“What does that mean?” Cat asked.

“It means that unless given permission, only the people who work there or carry the same rank as Architect Selene are allowed to discuss what happens in that lab.”

“Does she want to do something to me?” Cat asked, a little worried.

“She wants to give you work, so I assume not,” Ghost answered. “I do not know what sort of work there is for you in that place. However, she is an architect, so we are meant to listen politely to her offer.”

“Are we?” Cat asked. He did not understand this point of Shatterpoint etiquette. He had heard people discuss wanting offers from architects, but they were usually engineers or some sort of specialist. Such offers seemed to be very rarely refused, and they were always for specific skills. Cat did not think he knew how to do anything that could be of use in a medical lab.

“Yes, and then you will be able to decide,” Ghost stated. “Just because this is your first offer from an architect does not mean you have to say yes.”

“Okay,” Cat said, reassured. “Why did you get the mousse and I didn’t?”

Ghost laughed. How quickly Cat moved back onto his favourite subjects. “You can have it.”

Cat finished off his noodles before he took the mousse. It tasted nutty and sweet and delicious. He was in the middle of enjoying it when the architect arrived. Cat blinked at her with the spoon in his mouth. She was very tall and her skin was the darkest shade that he had ever seen. Her head was shaved, and her body was all lean and flat. If Ghost had not used the feminine pronoun, Cat would have never been able to guess correctly.

“Architect Selene,” Ghost said, gesturing at the empty seat opposite them.

“Controller Weighing The Odds Of The Soul’s Immortality,” she responded, sitting down. “Cat,” she added, giving him a little nod. He had no function and thus no title.

“Most people call me Ghost. It’s shorter.”

“Ah, I see,” she answered. “And you are just Cat?”

“Yes,” Cat said.

“Good to meet you. Specialist Basalt mentioned you in conversation, and I thought that you may be suitable for a project under my jurisdiction,” Selene said.

Cat did not know what that long word meant. He glanced at Ghost and noted immediately that Ghost was tense. “Er, okay?”

“One of my subjects wishes to play boardgames. Specifically, they want to teach someone the game of go.”

“Huh?” Cat said, confused. Subjects? Boardgames? What was go?

“Finding someone suitable is difficult here. It would be highly inappropriate to use a child-“

“And this isn’t?” Ghost asked.

“At least Cat is not a child. Are you?”

It took Cat a second to realise that the question was aimed at him. “Um. No.”

“You do not know how to play go?”

“I don’t,” Cat confirmed. He only knew a couple of simple games that Lian had taught him. He did not even know what go was.

“Perfect,” Selene said.

“Um.” Cat was confused. This seemed like a very strange qualification for anything.

“Why is he suitable?” Ghost asked the architect. He patted Cat’s thigh under the table reassuringly.

“He has no network implants, and he does not know how to play. Specialist Basalt suggested that he would also know how to behave.”

“Why are these things required?” Ghost asked. “What is wrong with this subject?”

“This particular subject is infected with a type of protocol virus. It corrupts certain aspects of their code, dealing with the interaction between sections of their neural implants. Unfortunately, the chief manifestation of the infection appears to be that they now completely lack the sense of appropriate network boundaries. A person without a network presence cannot be inadvertently assaulted in this way and cannot be infected.”

“Is Cat likely to be in physical danger at any point?”

“It is unlikely,” Selene replied. “There have been no violent incidents with this individual, but it is impossible to guarantee.”

“What safety measures will be in place?”

“Please, controller. Your concern is noted, but I wish to discuss the nature of the task with Cat.” She turned her head deliberately away from Ghost. “You will simply be required to come to my lab and spend a few hours with the subject once or twice a cycle.”

“Um,” Cat said. This sounded very simple. He did not understand why Ghost seemed worried.

“You will need to keep the following in mind. You will not be permitted to take anything in or bring anything out of the lab. Your interactions will be monitored. You will be escorted to and from the lab, and all the safety procedures will be explained to you.”

“Okay,” Cat said. That sounded serious.

“They might behave strangely. They might say things to make you feel uncomfortable. If anything they say disturbs you, you will be able to discuss it with your engineer. You will not be bound by confidentiality, but we would prefer if you did not widely discuss what happens in these sessions. Is all this clear?”

Cat looked at Selene and then at Ghost. “I think so?”

“Good!” Selene said. “Please discuss it with your sponsor. I would appreciate an answer in the next few days.”

“Are you going to have some tea?” Cat asked.

“No, thank you. I have another appointment.”

Both Ghost and Cat watched her go.

“Interesting,” Ghost said, once she was far enough not to hear.

“Was that weird?” Cat asked, starting to eat his mousse again.

“That was very weird,” Ghost confirmed.

“Should I do it?”

“Do you want to do it?”

“I’m… Curious,” Cat admitted, scraping the bottom of the pot for the last little bit of mousse. “Is this person sick?”

“Yes,” Ghost said. “Very sick, if they are confined to a lab.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Cat said, starting on the fruit next.

“That’s okay. You can think about it for a while. Maybe you should talk to Basalt, since it seems he dropped you into it.”

“Does Basalt work for the architect?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Ghost answered. “I can request the data, if you want me to. I would probably be permitted to see it.”

“No, it’s okay,” Cat said.

“Are you coming home with me?”

“Yeah,” Cat said. “I just want to go to bed. Zinn was mean to me.” 

Ghost laughed quietly. “Zinn is mean to everyone.”

“Extra mean,” Cat complained. “ _Everything_ hurts.”

“That probably means he likes you,” Ghost pointed out.

“Was he mean to you?” Cat asked.

Ghost smiled. “He still is. Come on. You finished eating, let’s get you to bed. I’m sure that fuzzy little commander in our rooms needs to lie on top of you.”

“I think of her as my owner,” Cat said. Calling Silver a commander seemed weird.

“Do you?” Ghost asked, with a short laugh. “Is she a good owner?”

“Very good,” Cat answered, getting up with Ghost and heading home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news! My planning is worth shit, I thought I knew how long this was going to be but it will need another 20k words at least.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the Hint of Plot.


	9. Chapter 9

Cat’s clothes were all off less than a minute after he got into Basalt’s rooms. Basalt knew how to touch him and what to say, and Cat was eager to have Basalt’s hands on him again. It was just as good as the previous time. Basalt made him come twice, once just with fingers and once with his cock, and only then made tea for them both. He put a towel on one of the cushions for Cat to sit on, and Cat settled on it, completely nude. The tea Basalt gave him was interesting and bitter, all complicated flavours of spices and something earthy. It made Cat’s mouth tingle and then feel all warm.

“What is this one?” Cat asked.

“Spiced tea with fungus,” Basalt said. “Your toxin filters can take it.”

“Huh?” Cat said.

“The fungus we use makes unmodified humans sick. But we are built better than that. Still, I have to be careful who I give it to. Not everyone has the right stomach.” Basalt got out a bowl of crunchy fried vegetables for a snack and then sat down on the other side of the table. “You like it? I can give you something else if you’d prefer.”

“It… Makes my mouth feel weird. But it’s nice.” Cat picked something green out of the bowl and nibbled experimentally. It was sweet. He had not expected that.

Basalt smiled. “Good. What have you been doing with your hands?”

Cat laughed, spreading out his hands to show Basalt his broken nails. “I tried gardening earlier.”

Basalt clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Should have worn gloves.” He got up, fetching a little case of tools and opening it on the table. “Give me your hand.”

“I _did_ wear gloves,” Cat said, obediently offering a hand. It was nice but odd to have someone else trim his nails. Basalt did it so neatly and much more precisely than Cat did it himself.

“Did you like gardening?” Basalt asked idly, looking over Cat’s fingers to see if all the nails were even.

“Hmm,” Cat said. “It involves carrying a lot of heavy things. I think I like plants in pots more?”

Basalt laughed quietly as he filed Cat’s nails. “Do you have any plants?”

“No,” Cat said. “But Ghost has some in the living room. There is this big… Fluffy one. A fern. Silver likes sitting in that one. And he has a little tree like yours. Silver scratches it. We don’t know how to get her to stop. She already has plenty of other things to scratch. Why do people keep those little trees?”

Basalt slowly buffed Cat’s nails, tilting is head to check if they shone the way he wanted. “Most people just like how they look. Sometimes people give them as gifts. I suppose it is a show of trust, that you will look after it properly, and a show of love, because you will have it a long time. It’s not always easy to tell what will live longer, you or the tree. Give me your other hand.”

“Won’t it just be the tree?” Cat asked, offering Basalt his other hand.

“Not necessarily, Cat,” Basalt said. “The lifespan of a tree is anything from a couple of decades to many centuries. Do you even know how long you can live for?”

“I don’t really think about it,” Cat admitted. “But it’s not very long, is it?”

“The average lifespan of our kind is probably around early twenties. However. The most common cause of death is getting killed by our owners, and the second is killing ourselves.” Basalt turned Cat’s hand a little, examining how well he had cut the nails. “But otherwise? If we have access to the right maintenance – and most of us do not – we can live pretty much as long as we want. We don’t really age, with regular visits to a bioengineer errors can be corrected, and implants can be replaced as they fail.”

Cat stared at Basalt.

“Surely someone has discussed this with you before,” Basalt said, turning his attention onto making sure all the nails were even.

“Um,” Cat said. “I think so. I don’t think I was listening properly.”

Basalt laughed. “The oldest one of our kind that I know of is over a hundred fifty. She’s a composer in one of those conclaves that obsess over art.”

“Composer?”

“Music, Cat,” Basalt said.

“Oh!” Cat said. “That seems like a lot of years.”

Basalt smiled slightly. “There, done,” he said, letting go of Cat’s hand.

Cat admired how all his nails were polished to a shine. “Basalt.”

“Yes?” Basalt put all the tools away and picked up his cup for a sip.

“Why did Architect Selene want me to go learn a boardgame in her lab? She said you mentioned me.”

“Ah, that asshole,” Basalt said. “I was talking about how I liked being with you, and she only cares about her work. What does she want you to do?”

Cat blinked at the expletive. “She just… Wants me to come to the lab, and see someone that wants to teach me go once or twice a cycle? Should I not do it?”

Basalt shrugged. “It might be good for you to see some of the things that are done down there. Do you know who she wants you to see?”

“She didn’t say. Do you work for her?”

Basalt gave another of his elegant little shrugs, barely a lift of the shoulders. “My expertise is occasionally requested. I can’t tell you what I do there, but I was given no tasks beyond me and I was treated with respect. Selene is not the sort that would knowingly put you in danger. Maybe you will enjoy playing go. I assume Ghost does not want you to do it?”

“How did you guess?” Cat asked. Ghost had not said so, but Cat had inferred it from Ghost’s attitude.

“He seems protective,” Basalt said. “It is good for you to have someone like that. But you do not always have to do what he thinks.” Cat was still learning that his sponsor was not his god. Basalt remembered, a little, what it was to be like that. He shrugged, deciding to change the subject, “How long can I have you for today?”

“June has a dinner thing I should go to,” Cat answered.

“Plenty of time. Want to come to bed again?”

“Yeah,” Cat said, smiling immediately.

Basalt laced his fingers with Cat’s and tugged him up gently. Cat was easily led back to the bed, falling on top of Basalt for plenty of kisses. Cat nipped Basalt’s neck, burying his face in there.

“Do you want to fuck me, Cat?” Basalt asked, smoothing his hands along Cat’s sides.

“Uh,” Cat said. The only time had been with Lian, and all he had to do was lie there while Lian fucked himself. “I haven’t. Really. Done that.”

Basalt smiled, stroking Cat’s hips with his thumbs. “Do you want to do it?”

Cat pulled back to look at Basalt, needing a moment to think. Basalt was utterly at ease, entirely relaxed with where he was and what he was asking for. Perhaps it was not completely fair that Basalt was always on top, too. “I might be bad at it. I don’t want you not to like it.”

Basalt laughed. He shifted, hooking a leg loosely around Cat. They were both hard just from the press of their bodies together. “I don’t mind. I can show you what I like.”

“Okay,” Cat said. “If you show me.”

Basalt pulled Cat down for another kiss, a very gentle one. Cat needed encouraging. He smoothed his hand down Cat’s back. “I’m the best person on this station to practice on, so you should take full advantage,” he joked, giving Cat a little kiss on the ear.

“Ah,” Cat said. The way Basalt did that felt like it short-circuited his brain. “Tell me what to do.”

Basalt ran his fingers through Cat’s hair, gently scratching at the scalp until Cat closed his eyes and tilted his head into it. Cat was well named in one sense – he almost purred when he was petted right. Basalt reached for the lube. “I want you to finger me open first. Have you done it to someone else?”

“No,” Cat answered, moving back to make a little space between them. Basalt looked glorious when he spread his legs, one still loosely around Cat’s hip. Cat took the lube and slicked up his fingers, chewing his lip. He knew how to do this, but he hesitated, until Basalt laughed quietly and pulled Cat’s hand down, arranging Cat’s fingers to push one inside.

“Don’t be shy,” Basalt said. “You know I don’t really need this. I just like it.” He let go of Cat’s wrist. “Like that. Yeah,” he encouraged, as Cat pushed the finger deeper. “Give me another one.”

Cat pushed a second finger in, slow and gentle, watching Basalt’s face. He curled his fingers, finding that spot that made Basalt moan. The angle was different to doing it to himself, but it was simpler than he had expected. Basalt made himself easy to read. Cat knew what he would have liked for someone to do to him, so he wrapped the fingers of his other hand around Basalt’s dick, stroking it in time with the movements of the fingers inside Basalt.

“You look. Like you’re concentrating. Really hard,” Basalt said, laughing. “You’re doing great. Give me. Another finger.”

Cat flushed, all warm with the praise. He obeyed, working another finger into Basalt, all hot and slick with lube. He spread his fingers and Basalt groaned. Cat grinned widely, utterly pleased with himself to see Basalt’s eyes flutter shut.

“Now. I want you to. Take your fingers out. And put your dick in me.”

Cat pulled his fingers out slowly, but Basalt was impatient with that sort of pace and pulled Cat in, guiding his dick inside and wrapping both legs around him. Cat let out a shuddering breath at the tightness and the sudden heat, burying his face into Basalt’s neck, unable to do anything for a good few seconds other than stay exactly where he was.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Basalt said, holding Cat close, gently stroking his back. “Do you like it?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Cat said, muffled with his face pressed against Basalt’s skin. He shivered, rocking his hips minutely by instinct.

“Now move. Start slow.”

Cat shuddered, pulling his hips back as far as Basalt’s hold would let him, and pushing back in slow, into that slick heat. Basalt was entirely accommodating, rocking together with Cat. It was so strange. Basalt might have been the one with the dick in his ass, but Basalt was still entirely in control. That was good – Cat could relax, taking the cues he needed from the way Basalt tugged him close, from the way Basalt wrapped both arms around his shoulders, from the sounds that Basalt made. When Cat came, he was breathing hard, snapping his hips forwards. He moaned, his face pressed into Basalt’s shoulder.

“Good,” Basalt breathed out, stroking Cat’s back.

Cat got his breath back fast. “Oh,” he said, realising belatedly that Basalt had not come. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Basalt said. He did not laugh at the apology even though he wanted to. “You can make it up to me.” When Cat pulled out and moved immediately down to put his mouth on Basalt’s cock, Basalt did laugh. “Not what I meant!”

Cat stopped and looked up, half of Basalt’s dick in his mouth.

“Fuck, you’re good at that,” Basalt said, tangling his fingers into Cat’s hair. “Keep going.”

Cat swallowed Basalt all the way down, holding onto Basalt’s hips. He liked how Basalt did not pull his hair, but just played with it, letting him pick the pace and the depth. He closed his eyes and hummed, wanting Basalt to come all the way down his throat, wondering how it was that he felt so safe even like this, when he could not even breathe.

Basalt swore when he came. He pulled Cat off and back up to kiss him, tasting his own come in Cat’s mouth. “Glorious,” he said, stroking Cat’s cheek as Cat settled to lie on top him.

“I didn’t make you come when I should have,” Cat said.

“Another time,” Basalt assured, smoothing his palm all the way along Cat’s back. “Sleep for a bit. I’ll wake you up when you have to go.” He pulled the covers over the both of them, not caring that they were sticky with lube and come.

Cat closed his eyes, all relaxed and warm. Basalt had much nicer covers than he did, a beautiful quilt embroidered with stars and planets. Cat shifted to lie against Basalt’s side. It was easy to fall asleep curled up like this, their legs tangled together. He wondered idly if he was ever going to be as assured about what he wanted as Basalt was, and then he was out.

An hour was long enough for a nap, and that was when Basalt woke Cat up with a kiss to his temple. Cat yawned and stretched slowly, nuzzling into Basalt’s neck. This turned into kisses, all affection without much heat. Cat could warm up easily, though.

“You need to get up now or you’ll be late to your party,” Basalt reminded. “Go use the shower.”

Cat yawned again but got up. He obediently went to shower, washing every bit of himself from his head to his toes. Basalt was still in bed when he came out to pick up his clothes.

“Are you going straight there?” Basalt asked, sitting up to look at Cat.

“Yeah,” Cat answered, getting dressed again. It was so nice being naked in Basalt’s room that it felt like a shame to put anything on.

Basalt made a disgruntled sound as he watched Cat. He pulled himself out of bed. “Kneel.”

Cat obeyed without thinking, not sure what was with this sudden order, but all that happened was that Basalt sat down beside him and combed through his hair. Basalt pulled a section back to keep it out of Cat’s face and pinned it back with two hair clips he pulled out of a box.

“Better,” Basalt said. “You don’t have to return those. Now go.”

Bemused, Cat smiled. He understood a dismissal, so he got up without even trying to look in the mirror. “Can I come back soon?”

“Of course. Go have fun.”

Cat smiled again and headed out. Basalt lived in a stupid place. He had to cross almost the whole level to get to the room that June had booked. Everyone was there already. As usual, Ghost was in a corner talking quietly with someone. Cat realised with a little start that it was Wei, not wearing the usual scruffy clothes. June was busy talking to all her friends, but she gave him a little wave. Cat waved back, first heading to where the food was all laid out on the table. He picked up a plate and tried to decide what he wanted.

“Don’t eat the salad, way too much citrus,” Ennoia warned him.

Cat smiled brightly at her. “What’s good, Enny?”

“You should try the filo pastry parcels. The filling is really good. And definitely have some of the stir fry,” she answered.

Cat piled the plate with the things she pointed out, and some weird-looking mixed grains for the side. He tried a mouthful, decided it was pretty tasty despite the looks, and added some more to his plate.

“Who gave you those?”

“Huh?” Cat asked.

“Those hair clips,” Ennoia said.

Cat lifted his hands to touch one. He had not even looked at what Basalt was doing. The shape seemed complicated, and the material under his fingers was metal and enamel. “Basalt put them on me when I left his room?”

“They’re very pretty.”

“I didn’t see what he was doing,” Cat said, between bites. “He said I didn’t have to return them.”

“He gave you a nice gift, then. Oh, take some of that cake before it’s all gone,” Ennoia said. “It’s really good.”

With a main course and a dessert, Cat went to go sit with Jal and Ennoia on the couch. As he ate, he had to tell them all about Basalt. He found himself telling them about Warm As The Moon as well, and that curious mix of embarrassment and disappointment.

“Maybe you should fuck them again,” Jal concluded at the end.

“Jal!” Ennoia said.

“Got to see if it was just one incidence of bad sex. Experimental method. You don’t have to do it now. But maybe if you run into them again in like… A month or so? Like when I was doing the zero-gravity combat training. I freaked out, I stopped for like six weeks, and then when I went back, it went so much easier.”

“This isn’t training,” Ennoia said.

“Yeah, it is. It’s training for him to have normal sex. You’ve got to have some shitty partners until you learn how to do it.”

Cat frowned, finishing off the food on his plate. “I guess… It’s so easy with Basalt.”

“Yeah, of course it is. You roughly know what to expect, and he knows what to expect from you,” Ennoia said. “Do you know how long it took me to have sex with anyone except another soldier? Years. In the end it was only because Jal met June and wanted us to all be together.”

“To be fair. June is the _only_ non-soldier you ever fucked,” Jal pointed out.

“I got fucked by a controller once,” Ennoia said.

“That doesn’t count. It’s not really sex. It’s just getting fucked.”

Cat started eating the cake, poking the gooey section in the middle with the spoon. Maybe he was starting to understand the difference between sex and getting fucked, but he did not want to talk about it. He watched June laughing on the other side of the room.

“When is the baby going to be born?” Cat asked, curious about that.

“It’s still way too early for us to be sure it’s not going to miscarry,” Ennoia answered. “But if everything goes well, it will be at least two hundred and fifty days. Or fifty cycles.”

Cat blinked. “That’s a really long time.”

“I did say we should just grow it in a tank. It’s way less risky,” Jal said. “But June wanted to grow a thing inside her, and here we are. I’m going to get some drinks. Want anything?”

Ennoia shook her head, but Cat said, “Tea?”

Jal brought over a mug for him and something cold and sparkly for herself. “Wei looks kinda lonely.”

Cat looked over as he accepted the mug. “I thought he was talking to Ghost?” Looking around, it seemed like Ghost was no longer in the room. “I should probably go talk to him.”

“Should you?” Jal asked.

“I promised he could talk to me instead of any agricultural engineers.”

Ennoia snorted quietly.

“What is his specialism?” Cat asked. “I never found out.”

“Originally, he was trained as a bioengineer specialising in the maintenance of soldiers and controllers, but he is a weapons system engineer too,” Ennoia answered. “He’s pretty good with ship system stuff as well, after living on one so long.”

“He must be really clever,” Cat said.

“Yes, he is.” Ennoia patted Cat’s thigh. “You can go if you want, we’ll be fine.”

Cat headed over, going to sit down next to Wei in the corner. “You came after all.”

“I did,” Wei confirmed. “Did you get your new things to eat?”

“Yes,” Cat said. “They were very nice. Where is Ghost?”

“He needed to step out for a bit. He told me about the little job offer you got.”

“Oh?” Cat asked, wondering what Wei’s opinion on this would be.

“It’s sweet how much he worries about you. But at some point, you have to start learning how this place works. You can choose for that to be now.”

“How this place works?” Cat asked. He did not understand what Wei was getting at.

“Sacrifices have to be made elsewhere so we can sit in nice rooms and eat nice food, pretending not to be dangerous weapons,” Wei said. “Perhaps you should go see the results of some of those sacrifices.”

“Huh?”

“What are you telling him, Wei?” Ghost said, sitting down on Cat’s other side.

“Just telling him that he should learn what it is Shatterpoint really makes.”

“You are being an ass,” Ghost said.

Cat was confused. There was nothing for him to say, though. This conversation was not really for him, so he paid just enough attention to know that it was continuing to be something he did not need to worry about. He watched how June joined Jal and Ennoia on the sofa, small and fragile between them. He liked seeing the casual displays of affection between the three of them, and how easy it all seemed.

Cat turned his head abruptly to Wei when he heard his name. “Yes?”

“I said I’m going. It was nice for you to ask me to come,” Wei said.

“Oh, okay,” Cat said, smiling by reflex.

Ghost sighed when Wei left. “He is always like this when he is not with the ship.”

“I think I want to go home now,” Cat said.

“I hope it’s not because of him.”

“No, I’m just tired. I had Zinn this morning and then I was with Basalt, and that’s exhausting.”

“Is it now?” Ghost asked, far too amused. “I’ll come back with you.”

They said goodbye to June and headed home together, with Cat quietly mulling over what Wei had said. He thought he should ask Ghost about it, but he did not yet know what he wanted to say. Silver greeted them at the door, chirping at them both, rubbing herself against their legs, and then following Cat to his room.

While Ghost used the bathroom, Cat took the hair clips off. They were heavier than he had realised, with an enamel design of bright green leaves outlined in gold. There was a little unevenness that suggested they were crafted by hand rather than machine. They looked precious, but Basalt had given them so casually. Cat put them away in the metal box he put all the things that he did not want Silver to play with. They were beautiful, and he did not want them to be damaged.

“Ghost?” Cat said, leaving the bedroom as he heard the bathroom door open.

“Yes?” Ghost answered.

“Can you tell Architect Selene I want to do her thing?”

“Of course,” Ghost said. “Can I ask why you decided to say yes?”

“I guess I’m curious? Is that okay?” There had never been so many opinions about any of the other tasks he had been offered. A part of Cat simply wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

“Yes,” Ghost said.

“Goodnight, Ghost,” Cat said, with a wide smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Outside, the corridor was sparse and utilitarian, with warning notices and procedure instructions next to each door. Cat was too nervous to read any of them. It had been over a cycle since he had agreed to do this, and finally it was happening. The engineer escorting him said absolutely nothing. Architect Selene had been explained everything to Cat already and this one was not the sort of person to try to start up small talk.

The door they stopped in front of was unmistakeably the door of a cell. It was like a tiny airlock – the door opened into an antechamber just large enough to fit one person. Cat glanced at the engineer and stepped in after their nod. He flinched when the door closed right behind him, leaving him trapped. He could no longer just leave. It was a claustrophobic space, all bare metal, but at least he did not have to endure it for long. The inner door opened after what was objectively only a few seconds but subjectively felt closer to forever.

Cat stepped out and turned to look at the door as it immediately slid shut after him. There was no way to open it from the inside. But this room had been made comfortable, nothing like he had expected from the corridor. There was a soft carpet under his feet with a pretty geometric pattern. There were cushions. The bed was a futon on the floor, covers neatly folded. There was one of those screens that pretended to be a window, displaying a star field rather than the usual view of the anomaly. To the side, there was the sort of closed door that led to a bathroom, next to that a tiny unit for storing food and drink, and in the corner a fern in a beautiful ceramic pot. It was much like any other single accommodation on Shatterpoint, except the door could not be unlocked.

“Do not worry, little cousin. They will let you out when we are done with you. Come sit.”

Cat hesitated, but there was nothing else for it. He came over and knelt on the cushion clearly placed for him, folding his legs under himself. He neatly laced his fingers together in his lap. ‘Little cousin’ was not something anyone had called him before. It made him feel a little odd. That was not what he had expected. He had been told that Chiasm was infected by a protocol virus, whatever that was, and that it corrupted parts of their code, whatever that meant. He had been warned that Chiasm might say or do strange things, but that it was unlikely he would be in physical danger. Unlikely did not seem so reassuring now that he was on the other side of two locked doors, but then again, Chiasm was just sitting there, as patient as a statue and making about as much movement.

During all the explanations, Cat had wondered why the infected implants had not been removed and the problem fixed, but when he looked at Chiasm he understood. To separate Chiasm’s biological parts from their hardware would be to kill them. They did not wear clothes. Chiasm’s legs were human-shaped, but covered in smooth plating, and so was much of their lower torso, almost all the way up to their ribs. Cat stared for a moment at the hairline gaps between the plates around their crotch and hip and wondered what could possibly be under there. Did they even have genitals? The plating looked like it had been unfinished, just measured and placed to cover whatever was beneath, not polished and decorated like prosthetics Cat had seen before. Both of Chiasm’s hands were machine from the elbow down, the fingers long and graceful. Their face was human, but the eyes were clearly were not, without any whites, a brilliant green the same colour as new leaves. The pupil was strange and crescent shaped, and Cat did his best not to gawp. What skin they had was light brown, contrasting with the pale cream of the plating, and their long hair was done in complicated braids. It was a style Cat had seen often around the station, though it was less common to wear it without anything woven into the hair.

“Selene told me you are named Cat. Is that all the names you have?”

“Yes,” Cat answered. The phrasing was odd, but it was not a complicated question.

“Did Selene tell you who we are?” Chiasm asked, with mild curiosity. Their voice was quiet but melodious, lovely to listen to.

“Yes, Architect Chiasm,” Cat said. He had been told to be respectful, because sick or not, Chiasm was still an architect.

“What are you? You are a nothing in the network.”

“I am... A pet,” Cat said.

“How useless.”

“I am for entertainment and they sent me to entertain you,” Cat said, feeling a little hurt. People had insulted him in many ways, but this one he did not like. Entertaining people was the one thing he knew that he was good at.

“Ah, you are a pet called Cat and you have little harmless claws like a cat. That is at least a little adorable,” Chiasm said, charmed by Cat’s tone. “Why are you nothing in the network?”

“Um, I don’t have the implants?” That seemed so obvious that Cat felt silly saying it.

“We are very sorry,” they said, pitying. “Horrible things must have happened to you to want to always be alone.”

“But I am not always alone,” Cat said, puzzled.

“Yes, you are. Now we are always just ourselves, we know how terrible it is. Now look. We will start with the smallest board. You get the black stones.”

Cat looked down at the grid and the bowl of little black stones that was already on his side of the board. “Okay,” he said, waiting for the rules of the game to be explained.

“Stones are placed on the intersection of the lines, like this. Black goes first, and then white. The aim of the game is to surround more territory than your opponent,” Chiasm began.

Cat paid full attention as Chiasm explained the game, frowning a little in concentration. The rules did not seem very complicated, but when they tried the first game Cat realised that simple rules could lead to very complex situations. He lost, of course, and he did not really understand all the adding up that the scoring involved, but he found himself wanting to play again. It was during the third game that Chiasm started talking about things other than what was happening on the board.

“Where are you from, little pet?” Chiasm asked, giving Cat all the black stones back.

“I was made by Syntax Biosythesis,” Cat answered readily.

“So they diversified from making bad soldiers? Do not stare at us, make your first move.”

Flustered, Cat placed a black stone close to the corner, exactly like he had started the previous game. “I wouldn’t know.” There had only been the place where he was born, where he was trained, and the handlers that looked after him until it was time to be taken away by his owner.

“And now Shatterpoint has already begun to remake you,” Chiasm said. “Is it not fascinating how the intentions of our creators fail us?”

“Huh?” Cat said, blank. He could find no sense in the question.

“Never mind, little pet. Where did you live after your creators were done with you?” Chiasm placed a stone with barely a glance at the board. It was a little fascinating to Cat that Chiasm’s fingers seemed to be made out of a smooth, hard material, and yet there was enough grip to pick up the small polished stones.

“My owner’s apartment.” Where else would he have lived?

“Where was that?”

“Tan Polis Station,” Cat said. He knew the name, though he had seen hardly any of the station. People had seemed to think it was a nice place to live. Cat did not know.

“Is it still under Hegemony rule?”

“Why would I know that?” Cat asked, despairing at being asked such a difficult question. It was unfair.

“Do not sulk. That does not _entertain_ us.”

Cat flushed as he placed his next stone. He did not like how Chiasm used his own words to reprimand him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know that sort of thing. People never talked to me about that,” he amended.

Chiasm placed their stone instantly. They did not need to think about each step in the game like Cat did. “Who brought you here?”

“Architect Last Stars of the Morning.” Cat was relieved to get an easy question this time.

“Architect now? They have grown up. How lovely to hear,” Chiasm said. “Why did they bring you here?”

“I don’t know,” Cat said. He was sure that Chiasm would want an explanation, so he said, “I… Killed my owner to help an infiltrator. Officers took me away. They put me in a small room where the light was always the same. There weren’t any windows.” Just identical blank walls and nothing except the floor. It was a horrible room. Cat did not like thinking about it. “They asked me many questions. But I only told them what the infiltrator told me to tell them. And after a while, they took me to meet the architect. And Morning said I could die or come with them. I didn’t want to die.”

“A small room where the light was always the same. How long were you there?” Chiasm asked, finding this an interesting part of the story.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t tell.”

“You could have counted the meals you got.”

“I didn’t know how to count very well,” Cat said. It seemed like such an obvious way to have figured out the time, and yet it had been beyond him. He picked up the stone, turning it over and over in his fingers as he tried to figure out where to place it next.

Chiasm was not interested in Cat’s private epiphanies. “Resilience in the face of solitary confinement. How fascinating. Did you know that such cells are built to drive humans insane?”

“But I am not human,” Cat said.

“Little pet, you are so very close to being human. You should have told them every thought you ever had, just for a chance of getting out of there. Syntax Biosythesis would not have built you for resistance to that sort of interrogation.” Chiasm gave Cat a curious little smile. “Last Stars of the Morning must have seen something interesting to decide you would be of use to Shatterpoint. Did you think they took you because they were kind? The last stars have no warmth. Make your move.”

Cat frowned. Quite suddenly, he felt stupid. He placed a new stone and he immediately knew that he had placed it in a weak spot from Chiasm’s little sigh.

“Who is your sponsor?” Chiasm asked, deciding that they wanted a new subject to discuss. “Do we know them?”

“Ghost.” Cat remembered that he should probably use the more proper name and corrected himself, “I mean. Controller Weighing The Odds Of The Soul’s Immortality.”

“We remember when he chose that name. It was after he stopped trying to kill every engineer who touched him. A long time ago,” Chiasm said. “It is a name that suits him well.” They placed the first stone of the series that would take most of the territory Cat was trying to claim. “Do they intend to make a controller out of you?”

“Huh?” Cat said. His mind was still stuck on the first thing Chiasm had said.

“We suppose it is too early for you to think about such things,” Chiasm said serenely. “You do not even have any network implants.” Something in their tone made it sound like a moral failing.

Cat put down a black stone, right into the trap Chiasm was building. “May I ask you questions, architect?”

“Of course.”

“Are you always here?” Cat asked.

“Yes, unless we are escorted to another section of this lab. We are aware that we are a danger to other individuals,” Chiasm answered, looking up from the board to Cat’s face. “Ah, you are concerned for us. It is not so terrible. We are given interesting things to think about all the time. We miss being able to go where we liked, of course, but this is the way that the universe has bent.”

“Why.” Cat paused, hesitant. This was perhaps a rude question, but he really wanted to know and he did not think that Chiasm would punish him in any way he could not take. “Do you call yourself ‘we’? No one else does that.”

From the tiny quirk of their lips, Chiasm was amused. “You are wrong: we are not the only ones who do this. But we will answer you. We are a collection of our past selves. Not all of us always have the same thoughts. How could we possibly collapse all that we are into a singularity?” And seamlessly, as if that answer was utterly clear, they moved on, “Look here. You should pay better attention. You will lose these stones if you keep placing them like this. You play too defensively. A good strategy must have give and take. You must attack to gain ground but also be aware that you will have to surrender elsewhere. To learn what losses you can accept is a hard lesson, but one you will learn.”

Cat felt no more enlightened about Chiasm’s personal pronouns after that explanation, but he did see what he was doing wrong on the board. “Oh,” he said, not sure how to fix the problem.

Chiasm was entirely still as they gave Cat time to think, their face blank and serene. Cat had the abrupt sense that all the mannerisms and expressions Chiasm performed were entirely for his benefit, a game to play in front of a guest. When Cat still failed to make a move, they said, “Consider here, little pet. If you place a stone here, you threaten our stones on this side of the board, yes?”

“Yes?” Cat agreed, not seeing it just yet.

“You do,” Chiasm said. “We will play it out and you will see. It begins an attack on my stones, like so. And I must abandon my assault on you to make sure I do not lose them.”

As the game progressed exactly how Chiasm predicted, Cat asked, a little frustrated, “How do you see so many moves in advance?” It was if for Chiasm the game was entirely solved from the time Cat had placed the first stone.

“We are an architect, and this is a very simple game, little cousin,” Chiasm answered. “You are also a very predictable player, but we can teach you to think at least a few moves ahead.”

Chiasm insisted on three more games after that, to make sure some of the lessons sank in. When the engineer that had escorted Cat here came to fetch him again, he was utterly exhausted. From what Cat could tell, Chiasm seemed pleased, but Cat felt like he had received some strange sort of beating. He wanted to go straight to bed, but rather than taking him home, the engineer deposited him outside Sometime During Eternity’s room. He went in as the door opened, but he did not try to hide his sigh.

Sometime During Eternity made Cat tea first, watching him sit down on the couch – sitting up very neatly, then slowly losing the elegant posture until he was in a slumped lean against the armrest. She put sugar in his tea and got him a small cake. He could always do with a few extra calories. His body burned them fast. “I see that Architect Chiasm had an effect on you.”

Cat went for the cake first. “I’m just tired. They made me play this hard game with them over and over.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Kind of?” Cat said. It was an interesting game, but it involved too much thinking. He wondered what it would be like to play on the bigger boards. Even more complicated. There was a part of him that wanted to find out.

“Will you go again?”

“Yes,” Cat decided. “I think. I liked what we talked about.”

“You enjoyed their company?”

Cat finished off the last bite of the cake and washed it down with a few sips of tea. “They are a little strange. But I think they are okay.” He felt strangely reluctant to repeat what the conversation had been about. “Do people not visit them very much?” he asked, so she would not have time to ask him to explain his answer.

“The number of individuals permitted to do so is small,” Sometime During Eternity stated. “But even fewer take up the option. I suppose that some of us find it disturbing that there is a limit to the things that can be fixed.”

Cat frowned slightly. “They seemed lonely.”

Sometime During Eternity left a pause, to see if Cat would say anything else. He did not seem unhappy or disturbed by the experience. That was far better than most people that met Chiasm. Perhaps Chiasm had been kind, or Cat simply lacked too much context to truly understand.

“They have a lot of… Strange parts,” Cat said. “Does that hurt them?”

“It is unlikely. We have many talented engineers that perform excellent surgeries, and Architect Chiasm probably chose the appearance that they have.”

Cat continued to frown, thinking. “They chose it?” It seemed like a strange thing to choose.

“Yes. Within limits, we can all choose to modify our bodies to better fit the image that we have of ourselves.”

“Even me?”

“Yes,” Sometime During Eternity said.

“Can I change things about my body?”

“Of course. Is there something in particular that you wish to change?”

Cat flushed a little. “It’s silly. I want to. Pierce my ears. I know I can grow my hair how I like now. But can I do other things?”

Sometime During Eternity kept her expression as impassive as it had been before. It was such a minor thing for Cat to want, and yet so momentous. “Is there a reason you want to do that?” she asked.

“I just think. It looks nice. I like how it looks on Ghost. And other people. I want to try it,” Cat said, a little defensive already, as if prepared to be told no. It was a frivolous thing, and he still did not believe in being allowed frivolous things.

“You need to find some jewellery and use a sterile needle. It is not particularly complicated, but I would recommend you find someone who has done it before to help you. Have you been thinking about this for a while?”

“Yes,” Cat said. “Is it okay? Can I do it?”

“You can do as you like,” Sometime During Eternity confirmed. She deliberately gave him no opinion either way, leaving it to him to decide whether he wanted to follow through.

“Should I ask Ghost if he minds?”

“It is not his decision whether you get your ears pierced or not. You may ask his opinion if you like, but you do not require his permission.”

“Oh,” Cat said, thoughtfully. There was a long moment while he mulled that over, and then he asked, “Where can I get jewellery?”

“I believe some of the younger engineers make jewellery in the open workshops. Some of them are bound to be willing to give you what you want. I would recommend something simple for the initial piercing while it heals, but it does not matter too much. You will heal fast whatever you do. I am sure some of your friends would be happy to help with this.” While a foray into body modification was to be expected at some stage, Sometime did not think Cat should do it alone. Even if it was just ear piercing.

“Okay,” Cat said, getting the hint. “Where can I get a needle from?”

“You can request one from any medical facility on the station. You should also get some solution to sterilise whatever jewellery you intend to use.” While it was almost impossible for Cat to get an infection, it was still best to encourage good practice.

“And they will just give me these things?”

“Of course.” It was such a minor request that it would not even need to be logged. “Please remember to dispose of the needle in the correct container after you are done.”

“Which one is that?”

“The clinical waste container is the small red box. Every residential area should have at least one.”

Cat had seen those before and always wondered what they were for. Now he knew. “Oh.”

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” Sometime asked, watching Cat visibly wilting on her couch.

“I’m really tired. I want to go home.”

“You can go whenever you like,” she said. “You can also sleep here, if you like. I do not have any other appointments.”

“Oh,” Cat said. He did not want to stay. He downed the rest of the tea and got up. “Thank you. But I want to go home.”

Wanting only his bed and Silver, he headed straight to his own room. He curled up under the covers thinking about Chiasm’s beautiful and very locked room, and about how strange it was that he was the one who could go through so many doors. He fell asleep even before Silver joined him on the bed and did not wake up until Ghost came to remind him to go to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like Chiasm! I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on them. :D _Finally_ , I get to introduce the last important character to this fic. 
> 
> As always, all comments are adored and people who give me little pats on my head are gods~


	11. Chapter 11

“Basalt. Why can’t I touch your hair?” Cat asked, lying on the floor very naked and very well fucked. Basalt was making tea dressed in a loose robe with his hair falling over his shoulders, a little wavy from the way it had been tied up. It was the first time Cat had ever seen it down.

“I don’t like it.”

“Why?”

“What, your owner didn’t yank you around by the hair?”

“Yes, but I just want to touch it. I wouldn’t _pull_ ,” Cat said. That was completely different. It looked so soft and shiny, and he wanted to pet it.

Basalt sighed. Cat was too high on endorphins to work it out without being told. “A lot of people liked to play with my hair, and I could never tell when they would switch from playing with it to hurting me. Now I still don’t like it. It makes me tense.”

“But it’s been a long time since anyone did that, right?”

“Sometimes scars remain,” Basalt said. “Do you want cookies?”

“Yes,” Cat answered, always wanting cookies. He sat up when Basalt brought over the tea and a plate and pulled the low table close. All of Basalt’s furniture was like that – very light and easy to move and put away. Basalt liked sitting on the floor best, and somehow Cat understood perfectly. “Basalt. Do you ever miss…” He stopped.

“Yes?” Basalt asked, as he settled opposite Cat and picked up the cup of tea. This one was leafy and herbal, another one that Cat would not have tried before. It amused Basalt to see Cat’s nose wrinkle after he took the first sip.

“Do you ever miss always knowing what the rules are and what you should do?”

“In a way,” Basalt said, studying Cat with a small smile. “Life was simpler. I needed only to obey. There were no meaningful choices for me to make.” He understood what Cat might be missing. The prescribed life, where everything was narrow and limited only to the most minor of options. “But Cat, you didn’t always know what the rules were or what you should do. You knew only up to the time your master’s will changed on a whim, and then you paid for it because they were never kind enough to tell you first."

Cat’s brows furrowed. “My owner. He wasn’t like that.”

“Why did he break your bones, then?”

“He just liked to hit me. When he was in a bad mood. But I never put him in a bad mood,” Cat said. He had understood Nicias better than anyone who had ever met the general. The bad moods were always to do with something outside the apartment, nothing that had to do with Cat. He had simply been the most convenient thing for Nicias to take his temper out on. “When he was in a good mood, he was nice. Sometimes even when I annoyed him. I liked it when he let me cuddle with him. And sometimes, when he had nice boyfriends, I liked it when they would fuck me together.”

Basalt titled his head slightly as he listened. “Did he not always have nice boyfriends?”

“No. Some of them were mean to me for no reason,” Cat answered. He took a sip of tea, ate a cookie, and then said, “I thought Lian was nice, but he wasn’t at all, was he?”

“No, Cat. He was not,” Basalt said, simply confirming Cat’s own conclusion. It seemed like Cat needed to be told this. Basalt had no doubt that Cat had already discussed this with Sometime During Eternity, but some things needed to be said over and over again to be truly understood.

Cat smiled awkwardly and ate another cookie, looking at the pattern on the floor.

“Did you love your owner, Cat?”

“Oh,” Cat said, blinking at Basalt in surprise. His owner had once been the entirety of his world. How could he not love someone that had been everything to him? “I suppose?” He paused, considering it. “But not like I love Silver.”

Basalt snorted into his tea. “Good,” he said.

“You should come meet her sometime. She would like you,” Cat said, with absolute certainty.

“Is that you inviting me to your room, Cat?”

“Uh. I guess. It’s very small, though,” Cat said. “And Ghost might be around. But probably not. He seems busy all the time now.” He frowned slightly. “Chiasm said something strange about Ghost. About him picking his name after he stopped trying to kill every engineer that touched him?”

Basalt made a thoughtful hum. “To be honest, I do not know as much about Ghost as you might think. He has been here far longer than me, and my work rarely crosses with his. How did you find Chiasm?”

That was a very hard question. Cat did not know how to start, so he asked, “Have you met them?”

“No. It is not safe for me to do so,” Basalt answered.

“Oh,” Cat said. “In other places. Since they are infected with something very bad? They would have been terminated?”

“Yes.”

“But here they just have to stay in that lab?”

“Yes,” Basalt said. “They are dangerous to any network. They must be kept isolated to keep us safe.”

“Can they ever leave?”

“In theory. Architect Selene’s lab is trying to figure out a way to fix them.”

Cat picked up another cookie, frowning. “But what if they never figure it out?”

“Chiasm is the one that must weigh up that possibility. They are the person who chooses to continue to live. It is a very simple matter for them to end their existence.”

Cat sipped his tea, thinking about that. It did not seem like much of a choice. He decided to ask a new question, “Does their name mean something?”

“Of course. But I do not know what the correct interpretation is. You could look the word up, but you would have to ask them which definition they favour. It would be inappropriate for me to guess.”

“Oh,” Cat said, not quite understanding.

“Single word names like that often have layers of meaning. I am basalt, a type of rock. But what sort of basalt? Large crystals or small? Which particular chemical composition? Did I form deep under pressure? Or in a swift eruption? Am I solid, or do I flow? All these things might have meanings and implications.”

“Rocks flow?” Cat said, so amazed that Basalt laughed.

“Anything melts and flows if it becomes hot enough.”

“Even rocks?” Cat asked.

“Even rocks,” Basalt confirmed. “You will learn about this when you study planetary science.”

“Oh! Okay,” Cat said. “So which are you?”

“It depends how I wish to present my name to someone. Sometimes I am hard and cold and still. Sometimes I am molten and untouchable.”

“Is that what Chiasm said when they asked me if Cat was all the names I had?”

“Perhaps. I do not know.”

“Do I have a good name?”

“I like it,” Basalt said. “But I think I would also like anything else you might want to call yourself.”

“Oh, okay,” Cat said, considering that. He still did not know how a person chose a name. It seemed far simpler to continue using what Ghost had given him. “Chiasm said a strange thing.”

“Yes?”

“They asked if I was going to be a controller.”

Basalt smiled slightly.

“That’s absurd, isn’t it?” Cat asked, trying to work out what that odd little smile meant.

“Not as much as you think,” Basalt answered. “We can become anything here. Mostly.”

“Anything?”

“Well. None of us are pilots. And while some of us become combat specialists, we are rarely capable of being soldiers. Almost all of us fail the network cohesion test. It is ironic, in a way. We can let almost anyone inside our bodies, but we do not like to let other people inside our minds. This has its own uses.”

“What if what I want to be isn’t useful to Shatterpoint?” Cat wondered. “What happens then?”

“Some sort of work will be found for you. The more menial tasks that maintain the station are useful too, even if they may not be the most optimal use of your talents,” Basalt said, choosing his words carefully. Cat was beginning to think about possible futures. Basalt did not want to give him wrong ideas.

“How did you choose?”

“I was not given much choice,” Basalt said, with a small shrug. Cat had a luxury that had been unavailable to him. “Shatterpoint was in a different state back then. There were blackouts every cycle and barely enough food. It was not like now at all. There were only two things that were of use: to become a combat specialist and serve Shatterpoint elsewhere, or train to support the engineers that kept the station functional. I had little aptitude for that sort of systems engineering.”

“So what happened?” Cat asked, curious. Somehow he had imagined that Shatterpoint had always been like he found it now. He could not imagine it with blackouts.

After a long moment, Basalt answered, “My first assignment was with a gunship crew. I was put through full combat training, with specialisms in security systems and hand-to-hand combat. The most difficult process was adjusting to the modifications my engineer requested.” Cat looked so perplexed that Basalt took pity on him and continued, “I required modifications to my eyesight, improvements to my regenerative ability, correction for some permanent damage my owners had inflicted, and neural implants for network access and additional processing.”

“Oh,” Cat said. “Did it hurt?”

“Of course it hurt,” Basalt said, with a small snort. “But it hurt less than the combat training did.”

Cat stared at Basalt, unable to work out if that was a joke.

Basalt smiled slightly. He would leave Cat to puzzle over that. “In any case. Being a controller requires knowing how to read people and the ability to maintain a coherent sense of self under pressure. Training and conditioning can cover everything else.”

“Oh,” Cat said.

“Don’t worry. You’re still too sweet to be a controller,” Basalt said lightly, smiling at Cat.

Cat smiled back, feeling like Basalt was teasing him. He found he did not mind at all. “Basalt. Can I ask you to do something?”

“Do you want me to kill someone?” Basalt joked.

Cat stared. He paused, taken aback. “No,” he managed to get out.

“Sorry,” Basalt said, smiling wide enough to show his teeth. “I couldn’t resist. What do you want me to do?”

Cat looked away from Basalt. He chewed his lip.

“What do you want, Cat?” Basalt asked, more gently.

“Could you pierce my ears?” Cat finally asked.

Basalt laughed. When he saw Cat’s face fall, he said quickly, “Of course I can, darling. I just thought you would ask for something more complicated. That’s easy.”

“I don’t have any of the things I need. Needles or jewellery or anything.”

“That’s alright,” Basalt said. “I’ll find something.” He got up and went to the bedroom.

Cat could hear Basalt rattling around, looking through the cupboards. While waiting, he ate another cookie and drank more of his tea. He felt nervous, twitching despite himself when Basalt placed a box in front of him.

“Choose a few things you like,” Basalt suggested. He watched Cat open the box and sort through the contents – all sorts of errant earrings, from the time that Basalt had liked to decorate himself. “I think gold will look good on you,” he commented, and Cat immediately turned his attention away from the other metals. Cat’s taste seemed to run to the simpler things. While he lifted up more complicated jewellery, some of it almost pieces of art, it was only to admire it. He chose a small selection of simpler studs, some of them set with tiny polished stones in all sorts of colours.

“Can we do it now?” Cat asked, lining up the studs that he liked best. He picked five – two plain gold, one with a shiny green stone, one with a small piece of pale wood, and the last with a tiny round piece of amber.

“What do you want me to do?” Basalt asked, watching Cat line up the studs.

“Can I have them all in one ear?”

“Yes,” Basalt said. “Which one?”

“I don’t know,” Cat asked. “Which one do you think?”

Basalt took Cat’s face in both of his hands, tilting it one way and then the other, giving the question proper weight, considering the exact shape of Cat’s features. “The left, I think.”

“Okay, can you do it now?”

“Let’s have a shower. We should clean up first.”

Basalt tugged Cat up gently and then towards the bathroom. They washed each other, though Cat did not try to return the favour when Basalt washed his hair. Basalt could not resist giving Cat a little hand job, just because he liked the little gasps Cat made and the way he leaned the whole of his weight against Basalt when he came. He kissed Cat’s temple and then nudged him out of the shower.

Only once Cat was dry and sitting on a cushion with a fresh cup of tea on the table did Basalt get a needle and some antiseptic wipes. He began by wiping each of the studs that Cat had picked thoroughly clean, letting Cat watch. It did not seem like Cat had changed his mind. He arranged the studs from the largest to the smallest.

“For you, this will probably heal within a week. Just keep it clean and dry, but don’t worry too much about it,” Basalt said. It was a simple thing to heal. “If you get bored of it, just remove the studs and the holes should close up on their own.”

“Okay,” Cat said, staring at the needle Basalt was going to stab him with. “Will it hurt?”

“Yes,” Basalt answered. “But not much.”

“Do it, then,” Cat said abruptly, all tense.

Basalt tilted Cat’s head slightly and wiped the edge of the ear clean. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Cat said, impatient now. He wanted it done with.

Basalt smiled. Since Cat was so certain, he worked fast, ignoring the gasp Cat made when he pushed the needle through the earlobe the first time. Cat shivered as Basalt put the first stud in, but then made no sound or movement as Basalt pierced the lobe two more times.

“This will be through the cartilage,” Basalt warned. “It will hurt a little more.” But Cat made no sound at all as Basalt pierced the ear twice more, knowing how to sit still and take the pain.

“Can I see?”

“You know where the mirror is,” Basalt said, cleaning up.

Cat stood up, checking his ear out. It was pretty. He barely felt the pain – it was odd, after the initial sharp stab it felt like it burned. “Why don’t you wear these things?” he asked, touching lightly at each of the studs.

“I don’t feel like it these days, I suppose,” Basalt said. He turned his head to watch Cat preen in front of the mirror. “Are you happy?”

“Yes,” Cat decided, tugging at a stud and flinching. Okay, that did hurt. He was not going to do that again. “I want to go show Ghost.”

“Sure,” Basalt said. “Remember to put your clothes on before you leave.”

Cat laughed – he was certain that was a joke. He went to pick up his clothes from the bedroom floor, a little crumpled from being eagerly tossed there hours earlier.

“See you, darling,” Basalt said as Cat headed for the door.

“Bye,” Cat said brightly. On his way home, he kept touching the studs, but very lightly, so he didn’t irritate them. Silver greeted him when he arrived back, and he immediately picked her up for a cuddle. Cat loved the way her purr felt – a pleasant rumble under his fingers. He lay down with her on the bed, giving her all of his attention for a while. He liked the way that she was so easy to please, and the way she gently patted his face with her paw when she wanted to be stroked more. He knew when she had enough: when she delicately pulled away and settled a tiny distance away from him, still close but putting just enough space between them for him to know she did not want to be touched anymore. Then he watched her slowly dozing off. She was as happy sleeping as he was. Maybe he did have a good name.

Ghost came back a little after Silver was asleep. At the noise from the living room, she opened her eyes and twitched her ears forward, but then curled up back up into a neat roll. Cat watched her for a little longer, listening to the sounds of Ghost cleaning himself in the bathroom and getting dressed. He got up and left his room when it sounded like Ghost had finished changing for dinner.

“Hi,” Cat said.

“Ah, you are back,” Ghost said.

“I was with Basalt. Look, I asked him to pierce my ear,” Cat said, immediately turning his head to show off.

“Did you?” Ghost said. “Did he give you those?”

“Yeah. Aren’t they nice?” Cat said, running his fingers lightly over them.

“Yes,” Ghost said. Because Cat seemed so enthusiastic about it, he added, “They look lovely. What is that? Wood, amber and emerald?”

“I don’t know,” Cat admitted. “He gave me things to choose from and I just liked how these ones looked.”

“Good,” Ghost said. He was not entirely sure what he should be saying, but it seemed that Cat wanted his approval.

“You don’t mind?”

“Why would I mind? It’s your ear.”

“Oh,” Cat said, smiling widely for a moment. “I told Basalt he should come here to meet Silver. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” Ghost said. “You can have whatever guests you like.”

“Oh, okay, good,” Cat said, smiling again. “I don’t think I want to invite anyone else.”

“Are you well, Cat?” Ghost asked.

“Huh?”

“You slept the whole day yesterday, and you were out the whole day today.”

“Um,” Cat said. “I was just tired. And I wanted to see Basalt. I wanted to ask him about some things Chiasm said. He is good at… Explaining things in a way I understand?”

“Did he answer your questions?”

“Not all of them. But that’s okay,” Cat said. Some things he would ask other people, and some things he would try to figure out himself. “There was something I wanted to ask you.”

“Yes?”

“Why did Last Stars of the Morning keep me? Chiasm asked. And I didn’t know what to say.”

Ghost stood there silently, watching Cat for a while before he replied, “Would you like to see the files regarding the mission?”

Cat shifted from foot to foot. “Am I allowed to?”

“Yes. A significant portion of the report concerns you, therefore you have clearance to see those sections. You know how to read now, but since you may have difficulty understanding some of the technical language, I would like to be present when you view the documents.”

“Oh,” Cat said, frowning. “I think. I would like to do that?” He was not entirely certain that he should.

“I will set up an appointment with the archives,” Ghost said. “There is something I must speak to you about, however. I have decided to replace some of my implants. It will require multiple surgeries. My engineer wishes to begin in eight days’ time.”

Cat stared at Ghost, not knowing what to say. It felt so sudden. He had heard Ghost talk about it before, but he had not realised that Ghost would decide just like this and surprise him.

“You will be able to visit me while I am recovering, but it will take at least several cycles before I will be able to return here. Do you wish to see these files before or after this?”

“I think. Before?” Cat said, feeling flustered. How was he meant to make this sort of decision now? “Is this okay? Will you. Be fine?”

“Yes. You do not have to worry about me. Jal and Enny will look after you. And Basalt, I suppose. He seems to like you.”

“What will they do to you?” Cat asked, worried anyway.

“You are aware that my spine is damaged.” When Cat nodded, Ghost continued, “A long time ago, I was injured on mission and my engineers were forced to put me back together with prostheses. Now I want components to be replaced in the hope it will be… More comfortable for me. My engineer also wishes to take this opportunity to replace some of my other hardware. I have been delaying because I thought I should be available to you, but I think you can spend some time alone now.”

“Oh,” Cat said, very quietly, not knowing what to think. “We should. Go to dinner, shouldn’t we?”

“Yes. Come on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Basalt, ok. :D Also Silver best space-cat.


	12. Chapter 12

“We have been wondering about something you said,” Chiasm said, the next time Cat visited. The board was set up again between them, and Cat had just made the first move near the left corner. “You told us that you killed your owner.”

Cat looked up from the game board apprehensively. He did not want to talk about this. “Yes?”

“Could you tell us what colour death was that day?”

Cat stared, his mind blank. Whatever he had expected, it was not this.

“We always think that death is the same colour as the time between the stars,” Chiasm prompted. “But what do you think?”

“What colour is the time between the stars?” Cat asked, having no idea how to compare these things. That did not seem like a thing that had a colour.

Chiasm tilted their head slightly, thinking about that. “It is an emptiness, a silence. But also potential and change. From the silence, we define everything else. The absence of a thing is the only way to understand the presence of it.”

That was how Cat realised that not every conversation with Chiasm would make as much sense as the first one. Chiasm sat there in attentive silence, and Cat knew he had to say something. Anything. After a moment of awkward thought, he managed, “I just remember a lot of red.”

Chiasm did not find that answer satisfying. Too many things were red. This sort of red was not specific enough, and Cat was forced to spend over an hour comparing the colour of blood to everything red that he had ever seen. Fruit. Flowers. The colour in a songbird’s feather. Dyed silk. Fancy ceramics that had been kept behind glass. Carpets that had been soft under his bare feet. Gemstones in some of the jewellery that Lian had liked to wear.

By the time the session was done, Cat felt faintly sick. He should have seen his engineer, but the idea of going over this conversation was too hard to face. She would ask him questions, and he could not take more questions. Instead he made it to the refectory because he knew that he should eat, but he could barely bear to look at the colour of the curry he was given for lunch. He ended up eating only the very beige mousse that was served for dessert and pressed his forehead against the table.

“What happened to you? Did someone tell you something they’re not meant to?”

Cat sat up abruptly to see who had spoken. It was one of those people that he had seen with Warm As The Moon before. He took a moment to dredge up the correct name: Ha-neul, one of the engineers that mostly talked about ships. Cat regretted sitting down at the table alone. It meant all these other seats were free and people might sit down and want to speak to him.

“What?” Cat said, sounding stupid even to himself.

“Don’t be a dick,” Stitch said, sitting next to Ha-neul. “You know he’s been in Architect Selene’s lab.”

Cat wondered why everyone seemed to know everything he did and he hardly ever knew what other people were doing. He frowned.

“Is whatever you’re doing very secret?” Stitch asked lightly, attempting to involve him in conversation.

“Not really. I’m only meant to talk about it to a few people, though,” Cat answered.

“He’s probably just fucking one of Selene’s freaks,” Ha-neul commented.

Stitch looked like she might think that was likely, though she would have used different terminology. “We’ve already been told off once for not watching what we say. You’re the one who sat here and decided to talk to him, that means you should follow the protocols.”

Cat frowned again. She was speaking to Ha-neul, but she had chosen to say it right in front of Cat, so it was meant for him too. He was not entirely stupid. He had long since worked out that there were things people were not meant to talk to him about. Somehow it annoyed him to be reminded. 

“I think I’m going to go,” Cat said, getting up. He forgot his tray as he made a swift exit, wanting to go hide in his room where no one would bother him.

As he arrived home, Cat found Destiny and Tsiuri were playing some elaborate game of make-believe with Celeste and little model ships in the common area. Silver was tolerantly flopped over with a ship balanced on her side, part of the game. Cat felt absurdly betrayed as he looked at her. He wanted to go over there and yank her up and take her with him. Instead, he said the briefest possible polite hello and headed to his and Ghost’s quarters, making sure to leave the door ajar just enough for Silver to get through if she wanted to.

Cat curled up on the bed, rolling himself in his blanket. He did not even know why he felt so unhappy. Lying there alone, he felt entirely purposeless. He wanted someone to hold him, but he did not want to go anywhere to find someone. He thought about how he would have preferred if Chiasm had physically hurt him. The idle curiosity that Chiasm had questioned him with was much worse.

But everything was easier somehow when Silver’s weight was suddenly on the bed too, and her soft face butting against his hand. She was very demanding, but she was the one thing that he knew how to please. He scratched under her chin slowly, listening to her purr, admiring all the different shades of grey in her fur. He dozed off with his hand resting on her back.

It felt late when he woke up. Silver was no longer with him. Everything was quiet. He got out of bed, perfectly silent on his bare feet. He was hungry but he did not really want to eat. Some of Ghost’s clothes were draped over the back of the couch, and Cat wondered how he had missed Ghost’s return. He hardly ever slept that deeply. He cleaned his teeth and washed, finally swapping his clothes for the soft trousers he usually slept in. He liked sleeping naked better, but sometimes it got too cold. Shatterpoint’s climate control was only perfect in the labs.

He paused outside Ghost’s door. It was open a sliver, which Ghost only did when Silver was in there. Cat was sure he had not been quiet enough to not wake Ghost up. “Can I come in?”

“Yes.” Ghost did not sound sleepy at all.

Cat opened the door enough so he could slip in sideways. It was almost completely dark in the room, but Cat did not need to see. He measured the steps to Ghost’s bed and got in.

“Careful, Silver’s on my legs,” Ghost said, putting the covers over Cat.

Cat turned so he could tuck his face against Ghost’s shoulder. He relaxed as Ghost put an arm around him and as he felt Silver settling into a new position.

“You don’t mind this, do you?” Cat asked.

“No,” Ghost said.

“Could you stroke my hair?”

Ghost lifted his hand and ran it through Cat’s hair, over and over. Cat closed his eyes again. Ghost touching him always got him hard, but Cat knew that nothing was going to happen even though he was pressed right against Ghost’s hip. If he had thought it would get him anywhere, Cat might have tried to grind against Ghost. But he knew that Ghost would simply stop him, that it would be utterly ignored.

“Do you like touching me?” Cat asked quietly.

Ghost ran his fingers through Cat’s hair again. “Yes.”

Cat did not want to ask why. He sighed and settled closer in, feeling sleepy. He could hear little sounds – someone moving around the common area, that almost imperceptible hum of life support.

“Are you done sleeping?” Cat asked.

“No,” Ghost asked. “Did something happen today?” Cat normally fell asleep in minutes.

“Chiasm asked me horrible things,” Cat answered.

“Ah,” Ghost said simply. He left a silence for Cat to fill, if Cat wanted to.

“They wanted me to tell them about death. About what it had been like when I killed my owner. But they didn’t really care about the answers. It was just a game to them. They’re just going to be like that sometimes, aren’t they?”

“Probably, yes,” Ghost said.

“They had seemed okay the first time,” Cat said. “I thought it would be like that every time.”

Ghost rested his hand on Cat’s face, stroking the cheek with his thumb. “We assumed it went fine because you did not want to talk to anyone after.”

Cat turned his head into the touch. “I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I understand,” Ghost said. “You should go find someone to be with when things like that happen. Me or Enny or June. Or Basalt, I guess. Don’t be alone.”

Maybe wanting to be alone had been a bad idea. “Okay. I thought if I went to someone, they would make me talk. And I didn’t want to. I wanted to be somewhere quiet.”

“People can be quiet with you,” Ghost said.

“Like we were at the shrine?”

“Like that.”

Cat spent a while thinking, then said, “I don’t know how to find Basalt when he isn’t at home.”

“I don’t really know either,” Ghost admitted.

“I thought you knew everything,” Cat said.

Ghost laughed quietly. “You flatter me.”

“Are we going to the archive in the morning?”

“Yes,” Ghost said. “You should sleep a bit longer. It’s five hours until breakfast.”

“Will you stay here?”

“Yes,” Ghost answered. He shifted again, trying to get comfortable, then went back to stroking Cat gently until Cat was asleep.

Cat woke up whenever Ghost moved, but he dozed off quickly again each time. He stayed awake when Ghost got up to go feed Silver, rolling over on his stomach and stretching. Silently, he watched Ghost get dressed. Until he had realised that there was something to look for, he had never noticed the stiffness in Ghost’s back in the mornings. It was so subtle, but Cat could tell that it hurt. He did not know what to do with that knowledge.

“You need to get dressed,” Ghost reminded, and Cat finally got up.

Cat was ravenous after eating so little for dinner the previous night, so while Ghost and Ennoia drank tea, he filled a second bowl with salty fish and golden-brown cooked grain. Somehow Ennoia invited herself along to the trip to the archive. Cat smiled.

“Ready to go?” Ghost asked, when Cat finished off his tea and put the empty cup down.

When Cat nodded, they stood up together to return the dishes to the kitchen before heading out. The archive was not far, but Cat somehow felt lost. He had never been in this part of the station, and it was only a few turns away from the usual places he spent his time in. The narrow corridors they took snaked through doors that Ghost had to open for them. The light was low, just enough not to trip over the cables on the floor or be surprised by the occasional step. The hum of ventilation was louder, and Cat could feel the temperature drop. He was glad he had put on thicker socks.

As the archivist showed them where they could view the files, Cat stared at the machines that were lined against the walls. Spindly stairs led up and down to more and cables ran across the floor and along the walls, linking everything together.

“These are just some of the servers that deal with the local tasks,” Ennoia explained to Cat, noticing his curiosity. “The full archive is four levels below. It is restricted only to maintenance staff.”

“What is it like?”

“Very cold. Only a degree above absolute zero.”

Cat wrinkled his nose at this very unhelpful answer. “How much stuff is there?”

“Hmm, a lot. It is not just mission reports, you know. It is also all the research done on our stations, and the data that generates. Things like records of experiments, and geneplans for plants, ship and weapons designs and astronomy research. It is a lot. It needs to be managed,” Ennoia tried to explain. “There are also all of the consensus deliberations and the final decisions. This is only the historical archive.”

“Huh?” Cat asked, baffled.

“Other archives contain other things, like copy-ghosts of AIs and specific engineers and architects. There is a whole archive for dangerous programs, like viruses and attack protocols for computer systems. Ghost knows all about that one.”

“You may read the requested files at this desk,” the archivist said, and Cat immediately forgot that he had any questions about what Ennoia had said. “They have been transcribed into a standard script as required. Please note that four redactions have been made. This was authorised by the architects Last Stars of the Morning and Painter of the Heart.”

Cat sat down in front of the screens. “Where do I start?” he said, staring at the long list of file names.

Ennoia and Ghost sat down either side of him. “Perhaps at the beginning?” Ennoia suggested, patting Cat’s thigh reassuringly.

“The things you asked me about should be in the final summary,” Ghost said. “But you may wish to read other things too. You may search by specific words if you wish.”

Cat took Ennoia’s advice and opened the oldest selection of files. He read very slowly, and he had to ask what many words meant, but he began to understand. These were details of Lian’s initial contacts with Nicias, the initial seduction and how trust had been built up. When Cat got the gist, he skipped multiple files to where Lian had moved into the apartment. Then he read things about how he was an inconvenience, about how Lian had gotten into Nicias’s personal files, about the data Lian stole. He found a note where Last Stars of the Morning advised Lian to throw him off the balcony and make it look like suicide. He spent a long time staring at the words ‘not an uncommon death’. In the middle Cat found a file Ghost had written, about breaking into a military facility and leaving a virus in the system. He remembered that was something Nicias had been so angry about. His arm had been broken because of it.

“Why was all this so important?” Cat asked. His world had seemed so simple, but he had always been surrounded by something far vaster.

“They had pieces of one of our newer ships. They were attempting to reverse-engineer a key piece of engine technology. We were instructed to sabotage the project,” Ghost said, without emotion. In his life, this had been just another mission. That it was the end of other lives did not matter to him.

Cat frowned and went back to reading, opening files at random. An admonition that Lian was getting too attached. A whole selection of files that looked like blueprints for something complicated. One file that was all numbers. Details of how Lian had used Cat’s loneliness against him. Cat closed that file quickly, unable to read about how calculated so many of those acts of kindness had been. Another file written by Ghost, about killing some person Cat had never met. A single shot. He paused over that, trying to reconcile the matter-of-fact words with the Ghost that he knew, and then moved on. More numbers. Lists of names. Cat only recognised a couple. The more files he looked at, the colder he felt.

It was hours before Cat made it to the last few files. “Suboptimal outcomes?” Cat read out.

“Yes. The infiltrator was not meant to be discovered,” Ghost said. 

“Oh,” Cat said. “And I was meant to dead?”

Ghost did not answer, but Cat knew how to read silence better than he knew how to read letters. Cat skipped the rest of that file. It was all about the political situation on Tau Polis Station, and how Last Stars of the Morning had tried to leverage Nicias’s death to cause as chaotic fallout as possible. It was too complicated for Cat to follow, so he opened the next file.

“Infiltrator misconduct?” Cat read. “What does ‘failure to conform to previously accepted protocols’ mean?”

“The infiltrator ignored the architect’s instructions multiple times,” Ghost translated.

“To kill me?” Cat asked.

Ghost paused, and then said, “Yes.”

Cat did not let himself linger on that answer. He asked, “Inappropriate attachment?”

“The infiltrator liked you too much,” Ennoia said.

“His name is Still Water Reflecting the Sky?” Cat asked, as he read down to the sanctions that the architect had recommended. Last Stars of the Morning had suggested retraining and no more long-term missions. “Lian would never tell me his name,” Cat added. It was not a name that meant terribly much to Cat. He did not really know what a sky was other than something to do with a planet.

“I do not know if the infiltrator is male,” Ghost said. “Gender is one of those things they may change for missions.”

Cat stared at the words on the screen blankly. He realised that the text used no pronouns at all for Still Water Reflecting the Sky. He had been the one who assumed that any aspect of the person Lian was corresponded to the infiltrator’s true self.

“I really knew nothing,” Cat realised, feeling all hollow inside.

Neither Ennoia nor Ghost replied as Cat opened the last couple of files. In one he saw a small note about himself that Last Stars of the Morning had written: ‘an unusually lucid mind, displaying some behavioural anomalies’.

“So the only reason I was kept was because I was a little bit interesting?”

“Also because claiming you publicly caused a panic about infiltrators within the military leadership,” Ghost reminded. Cat had only read about that a little while ago.

“What are these last few things?” Cat asked, tired of reading.

“Wei’s formal reports on your health and specifications.”

“Oh,” Cat said. There was no need to read those.

“Last Stars of the Morning chose to keep you because of the infiltrator’s repeated refusal to kill you. They thought that perhaps Still Water Reflecting the Sky might have had a point about your value,” Ghost said.

“So he- they. Really did care about me?” Cat said, not knowing what the feeling in his stomach was.

“In a way,” Ennoia said, putting her arm around Cat.

“Will I ever see him- I mean. Them. Again?” Cat asked.

“I would advise against that,” Ghost said.

Cat leaned into Ennoia, closing every one of the files. “I’m cold,” he said finally.

“Let’s go outside and warm you up,” Ennoia said. “And get some food. We’ve missed both lunch and dinner. I’m starving.”

Cat held Ennoia’s hand as they left the archive. The corridors outside were warmer, but none of coldness inside him dissipated until long after they finished eating leftovers from dinner and drinking tea in an almost completely empty refectory.

That night, Cat got into Ghost’s bed again, pressing himself against Ghost’s side, feeling strangely miserable even though Silver was also there, as soft and warm as usual. He was almost asleep when Ghost said, “I’m sorry that hurt you.”

“What?” Cat asked quietly. He was not used to receiving any sort of apology.

“I thought you should know all those things, even though you did not like learning them. I believe it would have hurt the same whenever you found out, and that it is better than you find out sooner.”

“Oh.” Cat did not know if he agreed. He had not been ready for the icy detachment in some of those reports, that cold way of weighing up costs and benefits. He was never going to be able to think about Last Stars of the Morning in the same way.

“You know. It doesn’t really matter how you ended up here. Only that you are here.”

Cat pressed his face into the side of Ghost’s neck. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was very hard to write this one. The depression is strong this month. At least Silver got plenty of cuddles?
> 
> All thank [curtainsup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/curtainsup) for the necessary moral support and for making me finish this even when I utterly hated the first draft.


	13. Chapter 13

“What is so wrong, little pet?” Chiasm asked. “We accept that you will not play well, but today you are so bad it offends us.”

“Nothing,” Cat said, staring at the board. That had been a foolish move to make. His stone would be lost in only a couple of Chiasm’s moves. Cat sighed quietly and shifted a little on the cushion he was sitting on. The whole game seemed too difficult. It had been days since his trip to the archive, and a part of him still felt empty. He could only attain focus in his sessions with Zinn and when fucking Basalt, when his body was too busy for his brain to work. Every night he slept in Ghost’s bed, and he did not know what he was going to do in a couple of days’ time when Ghost would leave to have surgery.

“We would consider believing you, if all the evidence presented to us did not contradict your statement,” Chiasm said, placing a white stone, pitilessly beginning their attack. Cat’s mistake would be paid for. “You will tell us what is bothering you.”

Cat frowned, still gazing blankly at the board.

“Perhaps we can help,” Chiasm offered.

It took all of Cat’s training not to laugh in disbelief. But with Chiasm waiting with infinite patience, Cat knew he had to give some sort of answer, and he knew that he was not smart enough to lie to Chiasm. “I asked to see the records of the mission that brought me here.”

“And they were shown to you,” Chiasm stated.

“Yes,” Cat answered, looking up into Chiasm’s strange eyes. He had no idea how to read the expression in them. The shape was just odd enough to throw him off.

“It has always been our weakness to offer the truth to those who would have preferred something else.”

Cat blinked. He did not understand what that meant, but fortunately it required no response.

“So you will tell us. What truth is it that so upset you?”

“I was meant to be killed,” Cat said.

“That is obvious. We are certain you knew that already,” Chiasm said simply, not accepting Cat’s response. Such surface analysis was insufficient. “In five moves’ time, you will give us a better answer.”

Cat took in a sharp breath and looked back down on the board. Chiasm was right. He had known that ever since the person who he still thought of as Lian had told him so. That was the one thing that had not been a lie.

“Think about where you will place your stone, and let the back of your mind find an answer for us.”

Cat shifted on the cushion again and sat up more neatly. He exhaled slowly and tried to do what Chiasm had asked for. He chewed his lip as he considered where Chiasm’s stone was. Perhaps he should ignore it for now and try to make sure his territory was live elsewhere. For the next few moves, he attempted to think only about the game, but he was conscious of the time counting down to the moment the conversation would begin again. He was certain his playing was no better. Every move seemed too complicated. There were too many possibilities and he understood none of them.

“Now tell us,” Chiasm said, after Cat’s fifth turn.

Cat took in a breath, delaying the moment he had to speak a few more seconds. He stared at the floor as he said, “I think. That Last Stars of the Morning didn’t care about keeping me at all. They wanted me dead, but they thought they could make use of keeping me alive… So they might as well have done it.” Cat paused, looking up at Chiasm’s face. “And Lian. I mean. Still Water Reflecting the Sky. He - they lied to me about everything they were. They used me every moment that I knew them.”

“You were made to be a toy. Why are you offended that you were played with?”

Cat opened his mouth and then shut it.

“Did you think your life then had more than the most minor value to our people? What gave you such a foolish notion?” Chiasm studied Cat without any expression on their face. These were not questions Cat was yet capable of answering. “You will tell us everything you know about the mission.” Chiasm did not ask. They made it sound like they had chosen the immediate future, and that was how it had to be.

Cat chewed his lip, dropping his gaze back down to the board. He breathed in, gathering his thoughts, and then began by telling Chiasm about how he had first met Lian, working through the whole little story, all those little kindnesses, and how it had ended. He told Chiasm about all the other things that he had read in the files, and something in the impassivity of their features made Cat go on and tell them about that strange mix of fear and desire he had felt when having sex with the infiltrator, and about the birds, about how he had loved watching them, and how he still missed kneeling in front of their cage, watching them flit from perch to perch. Sometimes he still wondered what had happened to them.

“Ah, you are a foolish child,” Chiasm concluded at the end. “An infiltrator bought your loyalty with some cakes and six pretty birds. How cheap you were.”

Cat felt himself flush, wrapping his fist tightly around the stone he was holding. That was not what he had meant. Or was it like that after all? When compressed to a few words, maybe that was all his story amounted to.

“Did you make a mistake and think that you were more than a thing to be used?” Chiasm asked, their tone still detached.

“But if I was just that. Why didn’t they just kill me like Morning wanted them to? Why did they want me to live? I don’t understand,” Cat said, with a desperate sort of incomprehension.

“Perhaps Still Water Reflecting the Sky did not want to break a beautiful thing. They seem to have a good name. Still water can conceal anything. Hidden depths can hold many old bones.”

Cat stared in bafflement. In moments like this, Chiasm went from making perfect sense to making none at all.

“So what is it you feel?” Chiasm asked after a long pause, once they finally realised they had lost Cat.

“I think. I wish they hadn’t done that to me.”

Chiasm tilted their head a few degrees, waiting for Cat to expand.

“They made me think I wasn’t just a stupid pet,” Cat concluded. And then they had treated him like a thing to be used despite that.

“Do you think you are stupid?”

Cat frowned at Chiasm, not knowing how to take that curious tone. He did not reply. Of course he was stupid to have hoped for something he was never going to get. But he did not even hope for very much back in Nicias’s apartment – just for Lian to continue to treat him nicely, for more of those small kindnesses, to get to keep those little birds.

“Do you feel violated?” Chiasm asked, with a strange smile. “Do you even know what it is to feel that way? Is it not strange that a thing like you should have so much pride? Should you not know that your place is to take what you are given and to be discarded when someone has had enough?”

Cat dropped his gaze to his hands.

“Ah, you poor thing. That is what your creators should have prepared you for. Not even to be a tool, but merely a plaything, ignorant and confined to one small place. Your creators did not mean to be unkind to you. They were realistic. None of us ever want our creations to suffer more than they must. And then someone, for a moment, made you see that the universe is bigger than anyone let you believe. Of course you must resent that pain.”

Cat bowed his spine.

“Are you crying?” Chiasm asked, as if it was a question of mild academic interest.

Something inside Cat snapped and gave way. He began to shake with silent sobs, still trained to keep his pain quiet. Chiasm watched the tears fall on the board, waiting for Cat to calm down enough to be able to listen again. This also was of no consequence, a minor interruption to the conversation that Chiasm was willing to tolerate. Eventually Cat’s shudders stopped and he wiped his nose with his sleeve. He looked up at Chiasm again, wary and uncertain.

“Your face was truly designed well. You are pretty even when you cry. How fascinating.”

Cat did something between a laugh and a sob and ended up being more like a hiccup. He was sure Chiasm had made him cry on purpose. It felt humiliating, but why did he have enough pride to be humiliated? Cat sniffled.

“Wash your face,” Chiasm commanded.

Cat got to his feet, finding it easier to have a physical task to perform. He went to the sink and splashed cold water on his face. After a moment’s hesitation, he dried himself with Chiasm’s towel. He returned and knelt on the cushion again, chewing his lip and looking at the gameboard. With his sleeve, he wiped the edge where his tears were still wet on the wood. He hoped they would get back to the game.

“We would also have advised the infiltrator to kill you,” Chiasm stated, watching Cat. “We believe they made an error in not doing so. They complicated the mission unnecessarily by attempting to keep you alive and compromised their own position. The life of an ignorant toy has no value to Shatterpoint. There was no need to preserve it.”

“Oh,” Cat said, very quietly.

“The life of a sentient being has no inherent value. You cannot resent us our ruthlessness.”

Cat’s brow furrowed. Other people had told him something different, but Chiasm spoke with such authority that Cat could not find it in himself to disagree. Chiasm was old and an architect. They would know.

“This is a thing you must understand. We were all trained to value the lives of the people that live here far above the lives of any outsiders. Shatterpoint must survive. We are willing to sacrifice our own lives for this purpose. The countless lives of strangers are infinitely easier to sacrifice. We know that Last Stars of the Morning has caused the deaths of thousands to protect their home and will no doubt cause the deaths of thousands more. That is the work that they must do. Your single life weighed nothing in that calculus.”

Cat watched Chiasm silently, sure that Chiasm was not done speaking. He would not have dared to interrupt.

“But the infiltrator made a mistake and wished for you to live. You must live with the knowledge that they made an error. Perhaps you seduced them into it. Perhaps they were simply weak. It does not matter. A mistake was made. However.”

From stillness, there was abrupt movement. Chiasm’s hand was tightly around Cat’s throat, cutting off the air. Cat would never have predicted this. Instinct made him struggle, his fingernails catching in the plates of Chiasm’s arm and getting nowhere. Chiasm’s hold was as immovable, a simple fact of the universe. Cat tried to gasp for breath, but there was nothing except the absolute terror that he was going to die right there. He knocked over the board and scattered all the stones, not feeling how hard his knee hit the corner of the wooden table. The whole room began to fade. And then, just as suddenly, he could take desperate breaths again, curling in on himself. Every breath hurt, but each of them felt so good. He had thought that he would never get to breathe again. When he looked up to see what had saved him, he saw the engineer that always silently escorted him gripping Chiasm’s arm. Cat could make no sense of the sight.

“Engineer, thank you for proving the point of my lesson,” Chiasm said serenely, as Cat shuddered on the floor, still breathing with those horrible gasps.

“Chiasm–” the engineer said.

“Let us finish,” Chiasm said. “See, he is already paying attention to us again.”

Cat did not know how to pay attention to anything other than Chiasm. His throat hurt.

“Engineer, perhaps you could let go of our arm and make this little cousin a cup of tea?” Chiasm suggested, their tone even and polite. Nothing of consequence had happened, after all.

The engineer swore. The filth was somehow grounding, and Cat breathed a little easier.

“We are done touching him,” Chiasm reassured. “We have demonstrated our point.”

The engineer went over to the kitchen unit, finding tea leaves and heating the water. He kept glancing back at Cat, just in case, and made far too much noise slamming the cup onto the counter. Cat flinched. Chiasm straightened table and the board and picked up the scattered stones. They sorted them efficiently and put the white ones back in their bowl and the black ones back into Cat’s, then restored the game to the exact state it had been before they suddenly decided to strangle Cat, taking their time to place each stone with care.

Cat cautiously sat up, pulling back to be just outside the reach of Chiasm’s arm. He stared at the cup of tea he was handed, how the surface of liquid trembled. He was glad that his hands were not shaking so much that the tea spilled. It was the only dignity he could salvage from this situation. He understood what he was meant to do now. He took a sip. It hurt to swallow. He watched Chiasm wipe blood off their arm and wondered where it was from, only belatedly realising it was from his own broken nails.

“Our words may seem harsh, but you must heed them. Your life was of no value. You were used because in that moment any pain you might feel was less important than the ultimate goals of the mission. However, after the infiltrator risked so much to keep you alive, you are here, and combat engineers run to your rescue. You belong to Shatterpoint now,” Chiasm said. “You should not feel hurt. You should be honoured. You have been given worth that you do not deserve.”

“Chiasm–” the engineer said again.

“Do not interrupt us. This is a lesson we must give. Little cousin, the worth of a life is all the links that we forge with those around us, and the contribution that we make to the society that we live in. You have been given a chance to become a part of this place. You must think of what you will do with all those hours have been given. Consider your pain the payment for the life you have now. Do you understand what we have said?”

“Yes,” Cat said, his voice hoarse.

“Now we will finish this game,” Chiasm said.

The engineer made an annoyed huff and spoke to Cat, “You will not. You are going to drink a couple more sips of that, and then I am taking you to your engineer for medical attention.”

“He does not require medical attention. We have done no serious damage.”

“That is not for you to decide,” the engineer said, flat.

Chiasm was surprised and a little offended. They said nothing, but Cat saw the engineer wince and then tense as if readying for a fight. Cat looked from one to the other, confused to see the engineer suddenly relax. Whatever argument that had been, it required only a few seconds to resolve. The engineer looked expectantly at Cat, so Cat took a couple more sips of the tea. The heat did help. The time helped too. Cat felt steadier with each second.

“Come on,” the engineer said. Cat did not even know his name.

Cat put down the cup and stood up. He gave Chiasm a small bow, remembering suddenly that he should be polite. “Thank you for your lesson, Architect Chiasm.” Speaking felt like he had broken glass grinding in his throat.

“We are pleased that you find it of use.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed?!  
> (:


	14. Chapter 14

It was outside in the corridor that Cat began to shake, his composure falling to pieces. He had wanted to hide in his room while this happened, not make a show in front of this engineer he did not even know.

“Why the fuck did you thank Chiasm?” the engineer asked.

“I don’t know,” Cat said. The only justification was that he had always been trained to thank whoever punished him. It did not seem like a very good reason. He did not want to say it out loud.

“Come, you can walk,” the engineer said, more gently now, taking hold of Cat’s elbow and leading him away.

Cat found himself limping as the engineer led him off the main corridor. He was lost instantly in the silent and half-dark service corridors, but at least the walk to an elevator was short. They emerged somewhere near Sometime During Eternity’s office. Cat had never realised parts of the station linked in this odd way. He might have asked questions if he was feeling any better, but he was in no mood to talk, just glad they were far away from Chiasm’s room.

“My knee hurts,” Cat said hoarsely, leaning more heavily on the engineer’s arm.

“Yes, you hit it while Chiasm was holding you,” the engineer answered. “It’s okay. It will be examined. I am sorry for not interfering earlier.”

Cat stopped outside Sometime’s door, looking at the engineer. “They were. Never going to kill me. Were they,” he said. “They were just proving. You were going to come.”

“Chiasm sometimes has interesting ways of demonstrating their points of view,” the engineer answered dryly. “People are just game pieces.” He opened the door for Cat and gently pushed him in.

Sometime During Eternity was over to Cat as soon as he was inside, sitting him down on one of the armchairs. Cat blinked at her as she touched his throat with cool fingers and examined the bruises that were already forming. He was not used to anyone taking this much care over his injuries. After she was done looking at his neck and throat, she moved on to his knee, flexing it and pressing lightly to find exactly where it hurt.

“He hit it on the corner of a table,” the engineer said.

“Why did you let this happen, Four?” Sometime grumbled while she scanned Cat’s knee with a small device. “Show me what Chiasm did.”

So that was the engineer’s name. It was nice to know, Cat supposed. He was glad he was not being asked anything. His throat still hurt too much. Cat looked from Four to Sometime, realising that Four was recounting the events to her through the network. Was that really required? Cat felt embarrassed that such a big fuss was being made. It was not like Chiasm had hurt him very much. It had just been surprising, that was all. Worse things had happened.

“You should have stopped this before anyone was getting strangled,” Sometime said. Cat was surprised to note that she sounded angry, and that the engineer looked abashed. “Have you sent a report?” she asked sharply.

“Of course. I have notified Architect Selene. Cat’s guardian is disconnected from the network and cannot be reached.”

“I see,” Sometime said. “I will message someone else. Are you injured, Four? There appear to be some irregularities in your network presence.”

“No. Architect Chiasm was offended by my decision to remove Cat and attempted to examine my thought process. Keeping them out caused some damage to my defences, but I will reconstruct within the next few days.”

“Very well. Your presence is no longer required. You are dismissed.”

Cat watched Four bow slightly to Sometime During Eternity, bending to her authority. Sometime acknowledged it with a small nod, then busied herself finding a cold pack for Cat’s knee. She showed him where to press it.

“Both your throat and your knee are just bruised. Everything should feel better in a few days. Would you like some painkillers?”

Cat remembered the fuzziness of the analgesics that Lian had given him forever ago. “No.”

“I messaged Ennoia to come for you. I am sure it hurts to talk right now, so we will speak about this when your throat is a little better, yes?”

Cat nodded.

“Can I look at your nails now?”

Cat pulled his hands away when she reached for them. “I will. Do it.” He had always liked it best when he could take care of his injuries himself.

“Alright, Cat,” Sometime accepted. “Would you like a drink while we wait?”

Cat thought about it, and then nodded. She would make tea, and tea would be good. “Can I have a cookie?” he asked quietly. He wanted something sweet.

“Of course.”

Sometime gave him two cookies with a cup of tea. Cat nibbled on them very slowly. It hurt to swallow, but it was okay if he only took small bites and washed each one of them down with sips of warm tea. Ennoia arrived when he was in the middle of the second cookie.

“What happened?” Ennoia asked, going straight to Cat. She did not seem to care about the answer, squashing him in a tight hug. For a moment Cat was frozen and stiff, but then he let himself lean into it, resting his head on her shoulder. She smelled just like she always did, that warm scent of her skin and something a little metallic and the soap she liked to use.

“Architect Chiasm acted inappropriately,” Sometime answered. “Cat should explain what happened when he feels able to. May I ask if you know where Ghost is?”

“He is seeing his engineer for pre-surgery assessment.”

“Ah, I see,” Sometime said. “I will notify his engineer.”

“I will take Cat home for now,” Ennoia decided.

Reluctantly, Cat let go of her and stood up. He left the half-eaten cookie on the table but kept hold of the cold pack.

When Ennoia saw him limp, she frowned. “Come on. I’ll carry you.”

“I can walk,” Cat said.

“Yes, but you don’t need to. Come. Put your arms around my neck.” Ennoia knelt down.

Cat felt silly being carried for just a bruised knee, but he also felt silly refusing her again. He put his arms over her shoulders. Ennoia adjusted his arms a little, then laced her fingers under his ass, lifting him as if he weighed nothing. Cat tightened his hold on her as soon as he was up in the air.

“I’m not going to drop you, Cat,” Ennoia assured.

Cat settled with his nose in her short hair, relaxing as she consistently failed to drop him. He almost started to like being carried by the time they got home. Everyone in the common area stared curiously, but Ennoia ignored all of them as she opened the door to his and Ghost’s rooms.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Ennoia told Silver. She let Cat down carefully, sitting him down on the couch.

“I want to go to bed.”

“Okay, but you need to go wash your hands first,” Ennoia reminded.

Cat looked down at his hands. “Oh.” Somehow, out of all the larger pains, he had forgotten this. He got up slowly and went to the bathroom, leaving the door open. He liked knowing Ennoia was stroking Silver in the living room while he slowly washed the dried blood off.

“I messaged Jal to bring you soup,” Ennoia said when he came out. “Let’s put you to bed until she gets here, hm?”

Cat let her lead him to bed and cover him in blankets. He sighed when she pressed the cold pack back on his knee again. “Can you. Get in with me? I just want. Someone to touch me nicely. If that’s okay.”

Ennoia studied him for a moment, then removed her shoes. “Budge up.” Cat was small, but she was broad, and the bed was not really built for two. She put an arm around him when he cuddled up close, stroking his back. “Oof, there’s Silver,” she said, as the cat wedged between them.

Cat kissed Silver’s head. She knew when he needed her. He finally felt warm and comfortable and safe again.

“You’re going to sleep, aren’t you,” Ennoia realised, as she kept stroking Cat’s back. She got no response. It did not matter – it was good for him to sleep a little. Though she was too warm, she did not move until she heard a rap at the door. “Cat, darling, there’s your soup.”

Cat opened his eyes as she got out of bed to let Jal in. He wondered when Ghost was going to come back. He sat up as he listened to Jal and Ennoia talk, to the sounds of a container being opened and clatter of crockery. Cautious about putting weight on his injured knee, he slowly got out of bed and walked to the living room.

“You look like shit,” Jal said, and Cat had to laugh. “Can I see?”

“Don’t poke him,” Ennoia chided. “Eat this.”

Cat took the bowl of soup she handed him and sat down on the couch. There were bits of chopped up vegetables, and thick noodles, and those tiny white mushrooms that were his favourite. It was peppery and hot enough that he could pretend it was only the spices that made his nose run. Ennoia and Jal were too polite to comment anyway. They busied themselves making a fuss of Silver while he ate.

“You do know weird architects are not meant to strangle you, right?” Jal asked Cat.

He looked at her and frowned.

“Well now you know,” Jal said.

Cat failed to smile. “When is Ghost coming back?”

“I don’t know,” Ennoia answered. “When he is done with his engineer. I’m going to make some tea.”

It was a good distraction. It took her a while to find more cups than just the two Cat and Ghost used, then to pick the tea leaves, and then to look through everything for snacks. Cat could have told her Ghost did not keep any, but he finished the soup instead.

“Come in,” Ennoia said, when another knock came at the door.

Cat looked up as it opened. Ghost would not have knocked. “Basalt?” he said, surprised.

“Hm?” Jal said, surprised. She stood up.

“Specialist Basalt,” Ennoia greeted.

“I heard from Architect Selene that there was an… Incident,” Basalt said. “I am here in a personal capacity.”

“Ah,” Ennoia said. She looked him up and down, making a decision, and finally went with, “Tea?”

“Thank you,” Basalt said, sitting down next to Cat. Very lightly, he touched Cat’s cheek to tilt his head, looking at the bruises. “Do I need to fix your nails again?” he said, when he noticed Cat’s hands.

“I guess,” Cat answered, leaning his head against Basalt’s shoulder.

Ennoia watched them with something a little wary in her expression, but when she gave Basalt tea, all he did was thank her. The room seemed very full with this many people in it.

“This is Silver,” Cat said, as she jumped into his lap.

“She is very pretty,” Basalt said, because that was the only correct thing to say. He allowed Cat to instruct him in how to stroke her, but it was clear that she wanted to be petted by Cat. She obviously played favourites.

“May I speak privately to Cat?” Basalt asked Ennoia and Jal.

Both of them looked at each other and frowned, not wanting to leave.

“We can go in my room,” Cat said, standing up with Silver. It was only a few steps to his bedroom.

Basalt closed the door behind them, looking over everything. Cat did not have very many things, but the blanket was a lovely piece of handiwork, obviously a gift, and there were a few little knickknacks that made the room seem less bare. “This is nice,” Basalt said, because Cat seemed to be waiting for his approval. “I should get you a plant.”

Cat smiled, sitting down on the bed. He put Silver down next to him, where she immediately started to groom herself.

“Selene gave me the combat engineer’s full report,” Basalt said, speaking quietly because he knew these doors were never as soundproof as they should be. “Chiasm was cruel and –”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Cat interrupted.

“Alright. Another time, then,” Basalt said. He kissed Cat’s temple.

Cat leaned into it with a small sigh. “Can you fix my nails?”

“Yes.” Basalt found Cat’s little collection of nail tools in a drawer. He sat down next to Cat and started off by examining Cat’s hands with a small frown. Then he trimmed the nails neatly, trying to even out the broken sections, and smoothed them out as much as he could. When he was done, Cat kissed him, trying to start something. “Darling, I’m not doing this with those terrifying soldiers right outside.”

“They’re nice,” Cat protested.

Basalt kissed him on the forehead. “They want to kill anyone who harms you. Wouldn’t want to get on their bad side.”

Cat laughed. Basalt pulled him close when the laughter turned to sobs.

“I don’t know. Why I keep crying.”

“You got used to people not treating you like furniture,” Basalt said. “You didn’t expect Chiasm to treat you like shit.” Basalt ran his fingers through Cat’s hair over and over again as Cat shook silently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to hide it in front of me. You can be upset. I know what it’s like.”

“It’s. Embarrassing,” Cat said, burying his face in Basalt’s shoulder. “Everyone. Fussing.”

“That is because we care about you and don’t want bad things to happen to you,” Basalt said, pressing his lips to Cat’s temple. “And Chiasm treated you very badly. Selene is furious. And I’m sure Ghost will tell you that you never need to go back there as soon as he gets here.”

“Oh,” Cat said, not knowing how to react to that information. “I’m getting. Your shirt all wet.”

“Yes,” Basalt agreed. “You can do that.”

The permission made Cat snort. It was better than crying. “Where is Ghost?”

Basalt patted his back. “I don’t know. Do you want me to try to find out?”

“Yes,” Cat said.

“It might take me a bit, so cuddle Silver and stay here, yes?”

“Yes,” Cat agreed. He let Basalt wrap him in the blanket and settled down on the bed with Silver. He did not even know if he wanted the door closed so the room would be comfortably small or if he wanted it open so he did not feel alone. Basalt left it half open, which seemed good enough for Cat not to protest, and turned the light down to low. Feeling utterly weary, he dozed off fast, listening to Basalt talk to Ennoia and Jal in the other room.

The next thing that woke Cat was the door sliding open, letting the light in from the front room. He sat up suddenly, Silver leaping from the bed in surprise, making sure to make her displeasure audibly known. “Oh,” Cat said, as his brain belatedly caught up to the fact it was only Ghost. “It’s you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Ghost said. “I wanted to see you.”

Cat reached to turn on the light. He felt much better. Already his throat hurt less. Outside his room it was quiet – just the occasional sound of someone shifting every so often. It sounded like Ennoia. He blinked at Ghost while his eyes adjusted. “Where were you?”

“Neural processing test,” Ghost said. “My engineer did not wish to interrupt it. I came over as soon as I found out what happened.”

“Oh,” Cat said. “I’m okay.”

Ghost made a disbelieving snort. He tilted Cat’s chin up to look at the bruises on his throat. “Does it hurt?”

“Yeah. But I’ve had worse,” Cat said, not wanting to be weak in front of Ghost.

“Chiasm was not meant to hurt you at all,” Ghost said.

“Where is Basalt? And Jal?” Cat asked.

“Jal went to have dinner with June,” Ghost said. “Basalt had duties he needed to attend to. His message said he wanted to let you sleep, but that he would be back tomorrow. Ennoia is sitting in the living room. She didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“Ah.” Cat liked knowing where everyone was. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

“Yes. Your engineer said she wants to see you in two days, once you are feeling better. Do you want dinner?”

“Enny gave me soup earlier.”

“Good,” Ghost said.

“I need the bathroom,” Cat decided, slowly getting up. His knee had become stiff while he slept. He winced as he walked. When he got out of the bathroom, Ennoia was gone from the living room and Ghost was putting away all the used cups.

“Just get in my bed,” Ghost said. He knew what Cat wanted. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

Cat settled in his favourite spot in Ghost’s bed, with his back against the wall and waited, mulling over all the things Chiasm had said. The day felt so horribly long. He waited impatiently until Ghost came and settled next to him.

“Did your test hurt?” Cat asked, when the lights were off. It was easier to talk in the dark.

“No,” Ghost answered, turning on his side to face Cat. “They give me drugs so I don’t feel anything.”

“Oh, good. Do the drugs make you feel weird?”

“A little, yes.” Ghost pushed Cat’s hair away from his face. “You do not have to go to any of your classes for a few days, if you don’t want to.”

“Okay.”

“I told Selene that you will not see Chiasm again.”

Cat frowned. He was not sure that he wanted that.

At Cat’s silence, Ghost said, “You disagree with my decision?”

Cat did not want to say that he did, so he said, “We didn’t finish the game.”

“You do not have to finish the game.”

“I know,” Cat said. “But I want to.”

Ghost sighed. “I will… Correct my message to Selene to say you will decide whether you will go back.”

Ghost did not understand. Cat tried to explain, “It’s okay. Worse things have happened to me. I just... I was surprised. So I wasn’t ready for it. So it’s okay. Really.”

“It is not okay, Cat,” Ghost said. “That was not meant to happen, and Chiasm is not meant to give you speeches about the meaning of life.”

“I know what they are like now,” Cat said. Lonely. Strange. Confident. And cruel. All sharp things. He still wanted to see Chiasm again. “They were just proving a point. And I get it now. I don’t think they will do that again.”

“They should not be proving points in that way.”

Cat lifted his shoulder in a little shrug. It was done now. His bruises would heal soon enough. It was not like Chiasm had broken anything. After a little while, he said, “They don’t get many visitors.”

Ghost was silent for a long time. “You will think about it, at least.”

“Okay,” Cat said, but he was sure he had made his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahh Cat gets his cuddles.  
> I need some cuddles.
> 
> It was great to see so many new people comment last week. <3


	15. Chapter 15

For a day, Cat enjoyed the supreme luxury of staying in bed and having all his meals delivered to him. Ghost brought him breakfast, Ennoia brought him lunch, and Basalt brought him dinner. It was glorious to have an excuse to get cuddles from all of them. Silver lounged around with him for most of the day but disappeared when Basalt pressed Cat back into the mattress. Being filled up with dick and wrapping his legs around Basalt was exactly what he needed, somehow.

The next day, after Ghost brought him breakfast, Cat realised that he was bored of lying around in bed. Once, he could have spent days in a tiny room and been quite happy to be ignored, but now he realised that he was used to wandering around the station, going to lessons, getting food, going to shifts. It was strange how spoilt he was now. So he picked up the screen and checked his schedule – he had skipped half his classes already, but he could make it to see Zinn if he moved now. He got out of bed. His knee was a little sore, but it did not bother him too much as he got ready.

The door to the training room slid open obligingly when Cat stood in front of it. He was taken aback to catch sight of Zinn lying on the floor and not ready and expectant.

“I was led to believe you were injured and would not attend,” Zinn said, slowly sitting up and stretching, far more relaxed than Cat usually got to see him.

“I’m okay,” Cat said.

Zinn looked Cat up and down. This did not match the information he had been given. Cat did not heal that fast. “You are required to be honest with me about your physical condition,” he said, very mildly.

Cat immediately understood the reprimand. “Um. My knee and throat are bruised. It’s not like anything’s broken.”

Zinn got to his feet. “Good. I can work with that.”

Cat smiled. “What were you doing?”

“Meditating,” Zinn answered, stopping in front of Cat. He tilted Cat’s chin up so he could see Cat’s throat. “Who did this to you?”

“Architect Chiasm,” Cat answered.

“Sit down, I wish to examine your knee before we start.”

Cat sat down on the floor, wincing a little as he had to bend his knee more than he had all day. It was curious to feel Zinn prod him and gently flex the joint.

“You are stiff. We will begin with some stretches,” Zinn decided. “Why did Chiasm do this to you?”

“They wanted to prove a point,” Cat said.

“What point?”

“That someone would come to stop them from killing me.”

Zinn snorted quietly.

“It’s okay. Chiasm was just making a point,” Cat reassured. He did not know why he felt the need to convince Zinn of this.

“If you say so,” Zinn answered, unconcerned. He spent the next fifteen minutes instructing Cat in low impact knee stretches, until Cat felt he had all the mobility back. The pain seemed less after the warm-up.

“Stand here,” Zinn ordered.

Cat twitched when Zinn took hold of his throat.

“Next time someone does this, you must turn to the side, lift your arm, and bring it down across their arms. It will work unless they have heavy modifications to their joints. This is a very simple lever problem. Try it.”

It was entirely alien for Cat to try to break someone’s hold. But he dubiously followed Zinn’s instructions, frowning at how easy it felt to slip out of that grip.

“Yes,” Zinn said simply. This was the start of making Cat repeat this over and over, and then after moving on to teaching Cat what to do when grabbed from behind.

“Why are you teaching me this?” Cat asked, all out of breath.

“I was always going to teach you this eventually,” Zinn answered. “It now seems I should have done so earlier. You appear to need a rest. Sit down.”

Cat sighed with relief as he settled on the floor. He never had it easy in this room.

Zinn watched him for a while, slow to come to a decision. A conversation was a serious event. Finally, he said, “Chiasm has been an old freak since longer than I have been alive.”

Cat blinked. Zinn did not normally make these sorts of comments. Or any comments at all. Zinn usually gave instructions and stated simple facts, not opinions. “Um,” Cat said. And then he had to ask a stupid question – “How long have you been alive?”

“I was created one hundred and sixty-seven years ago,” Zinn answered, after considering the question.

Cat stared. It seemed like a vast amount of years. “Were you made here?” he asked curiously, realising that he had to take advantage of Zinn being so talkative.

“No. I have belonged to Shatterpoint since I was twenty-nine. I was bought to fulfil a contract. My handler asked me if I wished to return to my creators at its completion. I said I did not. It is not an uncommon story.”

“You wanted to stay here?”

“Not necessarily,” Zinn said. “I wanted to be something other than what I was made for.”

Cat frowned. He still found it hard to accept that was a thing someone was allowed to want. “What were you made for?”

“My base specification was as an optimisation engineer,” Zinn answered. “While I was good at it, the work did not satisfy me. Creating me for a particular task failed to instil enough desire to want to spend my life performing that task.”

“Oh.” Cat had no idea what an optimisation engineer might do, but it certainly did not sound anything like being a combat specialist. He would have to think about that.

“Will you give me permission to view the full report on your injury? I wish to know the details.”

“Um. Okay. Sure.”

“You have very little expectation of privacy. You should consider more carefully when people ask you questions like that. Of course, I will not take advantage of the permissions you give me, but you should be cautious with others,” Zinn observed, as he fetched and processed the reports made by Four and Sometime During Eternity. It took only moments. “I see. I understand what Chiasm was trying to show you.”

Cat looked up at Zinn.

“Before you take Chiasm’s lesson to heart, you need to take into account that Chiasm is a person locked up in a room because they are dangerous for any mind that comes into contact with theirs, and they have been that in that room for decades. Their opinion is necessarily skewed by their isolation.”

“Okay…” Cat said, not sure what Zinn was trying to say.

“Let me offer another perspective. I have also lived on Shatterpoint during difficult times. I have done terrible things in service of survival. Hesitation has been broken from me. I learned many lessons in the hardest of ways. I have weighed up life and death and been forced to choose who is the most likely to survive. This scars the soul. That is the nature of those of us that have lived here long enough to begin to feel old.”

“Um,” Cat said, not sure what he was meant to say in the pause that Zinn left. Perhaps nothing.

“Now I see all these young engineers doing silly little projects and making useless things just because it pleases them, and I think they are stupid children. I wonder if they will have what it takes to survive despite all the odds, because I had to. But then, was not the point of all my work that they do not need to? It is difficult. I try to stick to training those who have already chosen the harder path. I like it when my students have… At least some expectation that they will one day have to make hard choices. I can never fully prepare them, of course. I know many of them will fail. I know many of them will flinch one day when faced with a line they are not willing to cross. I know that one day, something might be too much. We are not machines, programmed and predictable. We choose to give our agents choice, and sometimes that means accepting that the consequences of that will not always be what we wanted. That is how this place changes.”

Cat tilted his head slightly. It was the longest speech he had ever heard Zinn make. Not knowing what else to say, he went with the first question that came into his head, “So you do not think it was a mistake not to kill me?”

“It was a choice. For whatever reason, the infiltrator did not want your blood on their hands. Whether that is a mistake or not depends on the criteria you choose. If we allow old architects like Chiasm to be the only ones to make these judgements, this place would stagnate and rot.”

Cat knitted his brows while he thought about that. “And what do you think?”

“I like to think that life begins when you arrive here. The past is past. Now you are a potential, still to be made into something.”

“Do you think I am a stupid child?” Cat could not resist asking even though he knew what answer he should expect.

A tiny smile flickered across Zinn’s features. “Yes. Fortunately, both of those things are fixed by time. Here you will be given it.”

Cat wrinkled his nose. People kept telling him that he had time.

“Do not take it personally. I am at an age where everyone under fifty seems far too young. And you are at an age where fifty will seem old to you. That is how it is.”

Cat did think fifty was old. He smiled, a little awkward. “Why… Did you want to train me? When you said you prefer to train people who have… Chosen the harder path? I didn’t choose anything.”

“I have always been fond of Ghost, and I wanted to look after who he had chosen,” Zinn answered. “It is… A personal matter. And teaching you is relaxing. I do not often have cause to return to the basics.”

Cat studied Zinn. “What would you make me into?”

“Ah, that is a complicated question. Guidance says that I should not push you in any particular direction. So I will make some general statements. I do not think your interests are yet fixed. You seem to have little interest in your academic lessons, but perhaps you have not yet progressed far enough to develop an interest. This happens sometimes. You enjoy learning to fight here, but I cannot tell if you simply enjoy the physical exertion. We will perhaps find out when you progress far enough to spar with others. You are young, and Shatterpoint is not currently at war. You have the opportunity to figure things out slowly.”

“But. I don’t even know where to start.”

“I think you have been doing quite well. You are learning what you like and do not like. You are beginning to make your own decisions. Perhaps you fail to appreciate your own progress.”

Cat frowned.

“You are not perhaps aware, but Ghost often speaks to me about you. It is interesting to see him finally so occupied with something.”

“What?” Cat asked.

“Adopting you suits him. He even likes that cat.”

Cat smiled slightly. “Have you met Silver?” He had never seen Zinn visit Ghost, but perhaps Zinn did so when Cat was out.

“Of course. She did not like me.”

Cat almost laughed. Silver liked everyone. How could she not like Zinn? “What do you think I should be doing?”

“I would advise you to find some… Civilian work. Station maintenance. Take up Mistral’s offer of training in the seed genome lab. Look after children. Learn to cook. I do not know. I confess I have difficulty seeing you in any of those positions. I think you have already made a choice, but you are not yet aware of it. But of course, I could be wrong. My opinions are coloured by my past.”

“Huh?” Cat said. Zinn was being deliberately unclear.

“We have wasted too much time talking. You are dismissed. Go have lunch.”

Cat knew that there would be no use in trying to ask more questions. Zinn was done, so Cat had no choice other than to obey. He took his time in the communal showers, enjoying the hot water but also enjoying surreptitiously watching a very tall soldier. All the way through lunch, he wondered what it would be like to be bent over by someone that big.

The next thing on his schedule was seeing Sometime During Eternity, but Cat still did not want to talk. No one had come to fetch him when he missed meetings before, so after he got rid of his tray, he turned in the opposite direction. He was not sure where to go, but a slow aimless wander led him through a garden and then towards the shrine. He remembered how Ghost had washed his hands before entering and repeated the action, not knowing the point of the ritual. Somehow it was still satisfying to do. He went to sit close to the fountain, his legs folded under himself. It was easy to lose track of time watching water trickle down the rock. The moss was very pretty, sparkling with drops of moisture. He thought about what Zinn had said, trying to parse the more subtle meanings in the words. Why did everyone old talk in such complicated ways?

When his knee started hurting too much to sit still, Cat got up again. He winced at the stiffness. It had been stupid to sit on the floor in that position for so long. He had to walk home more slowly than he arrived, feeling like an idiot. He had forgotten the injury for a while and had overexerted himself. He should have been more careful with his body.

Arriving home, he stopped dead in the common area. The table was covered in plates of food, and so many people were there. There was Jal and Ennoia and June and everyone who lived in this little area, even Wei – looking very grumpy – and Ritika in a corner on someone’s lap and some people that Cat knew where Ghost’s friends.

Ghost took Cat’s arm and tugged him into their apartment for some privacy. “I heard you missed your appointment with Sometime During Eternity. Why?”

“What is happening?” Cat asked.

“I am being given a surprise party for the last meal I’m allowed to have before surgery,” Ghost said. “I am, unfortunately, very surprised. Answer my question.”

“I didn’t feel like talking,” Cat said.

“You should have gone and told her that,” Ghost said.

“But then we would have sat in silence for ages.”

“You could have told her you did not want to do that,” Ghost pointed out.

“Oh,” Cat said. This was obvious when pointed out. No wonder Ghost seemed disappointed with him.

Ghost snorted quietly at Cat’s expression. Now Cat knew. “Basalt left you a gift earlier,” he said, gesturing to a box on the table. It was better to change to subject.

Cat instantly smiled and went to open it. “Oh!” he said, when he pulled out a delicate glass bowl. It was not clear like lab glass, but uneven and had little bubbles. There were three very odd plants inside. They did not have soil, and their leaves were silvery and a little fuzzy, all smaller than Cat’s fist. “He said he was going to get me plants.” Cat took one of the plants out, examining the leaves. “Um. How. Do I look after these?”

Ghost came over to look. “I think you just need to soak those in water once every couple of cycles.”

“Don’t they need to be planted in something?”

“No. They’re not those sorts of plants. You can just put them on a shelf.”

“In my room?”

“Wherever you want to put it,” Ghost said.

Cat immediately headed to put in his room. He found Silver napping on his bed and smiled at her, but did not bother her. No doubt there were too many noisy people outside for her taste. He put the bowl on the shelf he could see from his bed, turning it a little to find a perfect angle.

“Um, shouldn’t you be at your party?” Cat asked, when he found Ghost watching him from the doorway.

“I do not like surprise parties,” Ghost said. “I am… Worried about how the work will go.” He was starting to get into the habit of sharing his thoughts with Cat.

“But everyone is trying to distract you from that, right?”

“Yes, but it is not helping,” Ghost said, with a very small wry smile.

“The food smells good.”

“Of course it does, June arranged it. Go eat.”

Cat stopped next to Ghost and looked up to see what expression Ghost was wearing. A little exasperated, a little frustrated. Cat thought about it for a moment before wrapping his arms around Ghost’s middle and pressing his face into Ghost’s shoulder.

Ghost sighed quietly and turned his head to press his face into Cat’s hair.

“I annoyed you,” Cat said. It was funny to be able to say that without being afraid. Ghost would not hurt him. Ghost would just be disappointed. That hurt more than beatings, somehow.

“Yes,” Ghost admitted.

“Can I make it up to you?”

“Just attend your next appointment with your engineer,” Ghost said, patting Cat’s back gently. “And go to your lessons while I am recovering, hm?”

“Okay,” Cat promised, because Ghost still seemed unhappy. “I can visit you while you are recovering, right?”

“Of course. Now go eat.”

Cat stood up on his tiptoes to kiss Ghost’s cheek and then let go. Ghost nudged him out of the door and straight to the food table, knowing that Cat’s favourite activity during these events was filling a plate with eclectic selections of food. Cat jammed himself between Ennoia and June to eat it, letting them both fuss over him. He only stayed as long as Ghost did, saying his goodbyes so he could curl up in bed with Ghost, hoping that helped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz commant riting iz hard ilu all


	16. Chapter 16

Cat woke up as soon as Ghost shifted, and as soon as they both moved, Silver was there, complaining about the emptiness of her food bowl. She purred as Ghost picked her up and carried her out of the bedroom, and Cat rolled over into the middle of Ghost’s bed. He yawned, stretching on his stomach. Ghost needed absurdly little sleep. It was unfair. Cat listened to Ghost getting Silver’s food out, then move around in the bathroom. He thought about breakfast, then realised Ghost would not be going with him. That woke him up properly. He yawned again, sitting up slowly as Ghost came in to get dressed.

“Are you leaving now?” Cat asked.

“In a bit. You should go back to sleep. You have plenty of time.”

Cat wrapped all of Ghost’s blankets around himself as he watched Ghost choose a shirt and trousers. “I am seeing Sometime During Eternity today.”

“Are you? Good,” Ghost said, pleased but also a little distracted.

“Will it hurt you?”

“Yes,” Ghost said.

“How long will it take?”

“The estimate is forty hours. But I will not need to be awake for all of it.”

“That’s so long,” Cat said, his eyes widening. Ghost had always been so cagey with the details.

“It will be longer if anything goes wrong,” Ghost warned. “I want you to promise me something.”

Cat looked up attentively.

“As my… Family. You can request to watch the surgery. Do not do so. I wish for this to be a private matter.”

“Huh?” Cat said. He had not realised that he could go see.

“Did you hear what I said?” Ghost said, frustration creeping quickly into his voice.

“Yes,” Cat said quickly. “I will not try to watch.” He did not want to make Ghost angry, however curious he was feeling now. And maybe he did not want to see Ghost’s insides anyway. Something about the idea disturbed him. “What is… Going to happen?”

“The intention is to replace all of the segments of my spine. They will also take the opportunity to replace some of the implants in my brain, as well as other minor work. Stop looking so horrified.”

Cat got out of bed and put his arms tightly around Ghost. “You will be okay, right?”

“Probably,” Ghost said. “It won’t kill me.”

Was that a joke? Cat stared up at Ghost with a little frown.

“It really won’t,” Ghost assured.

“You’re not telling me everything,” Cat said.

Ghost sighed, touching Cat’s face lightly. “If it goes wrong, I will have less mobility than I do now, and we will have to try again another time. Or the surgery can go well, but the hardware could reject later. Or the hardware could take perfectly, but I may find it too difficult to adjust to the change. I don’t know, Cat. I have a lot of internal scarring. This makes the whole thing very complicated. No surgery can be a sure thing.”

“Oh,” Cat said quietly.

Ghost ran his fingers through Cat’s messy hair. “What else do you have to do today?”

“Um,” Cat said. “I have maths. And Zinn.”

“Are you going to go learn maths?”

“Yes,” Cat said, intensely aware that he had promised to go to all his lessons just last night. He could not turn it into a lie today. “I don’t really get maths. It’s too hard when there’s all these letters in it. Do I really need to learn all that?”

Ghost smiled slightly, amused. “You do, yes.” He had a sense that Cat was playing it up for his benefit. “Now let go of me, and go back to bed for another couple of hours.”

“No,” Cat said, stubbornly holding on tighter.

“If you’re going to be like that,” Ghost said with a snort. Decisive, he removed Cat’s arms from around himself and lightly tossed Cat back onto the bed. The squawk Cat made was absolutely ridiculous. “You don’t make that sound when Zinn throws you around, do you?”

“When he does it, I expect it,” Cat grumbled, rolling himself back up into Ghost’s covers, his dignity a little hurt. “You should do it more often so it’s not so surprising.”

Ghost laughed. “I’ll take it under consideration.”

“Are you leaving now?”

“Yes.”

Cat frowned, watching Ghost.

“You can visit me as soon as it is done,” Ghost assured. He patted Cat’s hair again. “Don’t worry too much.”

“I’ll try,” Cat said, grumpily hugging the pillow as he watched Ghost leave. He thought it would be impossible to fall asleep, but it took less than fifteen minutes for him to doze off again. He needed the sleep too much.

The alarm woke Cat up again at the usual breakfast time. He had not set that alarm, so it must have been Ghost right before he left. He was that predictable. A little chagrined, he dressed with Silver under his feet, still yawning. He could not fight his metabolism. He found Ennoia at breakfast, so at least he had company equally worried about Ghost. She also reminded him to go to his lessons, which told Cat that Ghost had told other people to pester him too. It was thoroughly embarrassing.

After that, Cat had no choice than to make it through the maths class, picking over the equations under the supervision of his tutor. It felt like the problems took even longer than usual, each one of them needing a small eternity to solve. He did not understand those abstract questions and the answers barely made any sense, but his tutor never seemed to get impatient or annoyed.

With Zinn, he was finally pulled out of his thoughts because he needed complete focus to avoid ending up on the floor over and over. Cat had hoped he might get to talk to Zinn, but the conversation was restricted again only to instructions. The previous time had overstepped some sort of boundary, and they were back on the correct side of it. Cat understood. He did not try to push. He concentrated on trying to learn, and earned a brand new bruise the right way. These lessons were much simpler than maths.

Lunch was a strange mix of undercooked and burnt – clearly someone new was in the kitchen ruining everything – so Cat abandoned it fast. He arrived early to see Sometime During Eternity, which earned him extra cookies with his tea. Distracted by worrying about Ghost, he finally managed to speak to her about what had happened with Chiasm. Conversations with other people had helped distil his thoughts too, and unlike Ghost she seemed to understand his decision to go back, although she did say he should take at least a cycle’s break from going. He accepted that easily. It made sense.

Once they had finished talking, Cat even had a second cup of tea and another few of the cookies. It was strange how sometimes it was so easy to talk to her, and sometimes it felt like an impossible task. He was learning that she would always give him time – she could have the patience to wait for him to be ready to talk. Time was not counted hour by hour for her. She was taking the long view, and he had to learn to take it too.

Afterwards he had a nap back in his room, and when he woke up for dinner it felt like the day had lasted forever. When he headed to dinner, he saw Silver was letting Celeste play with her in the common area, supervised by both of Celeste’s parents. He was glad that Silver had all the company she wanted.

In the refectory, he managed to get a seat with Jal and Ennoia. June was, to Ennoia’s great displeasure, still in her lab. Cat made all the right noises of agreement at the correct points while Ennoia talked about overwork, obsessive behaviour, and how swimming in the algae tanks should be banned.

“Letting her ramble sure made her happy,” Jal said with a little snort when Ennoia got up to fetch more glasses of water. Ennoia was the one the most stressed about June’s pregnancy.

“I don’t really know anything about those subjects,” Cat admitted. What people should and should not be doing while pregnant was an utter mystery to him. “It’s not like I had anything to say.”

“You okay spending tonight alone? We need to spend some time together.”

“It’s fine. I asked Basalt. He said he would come over.”

“Oh, good,” Jal said, without much enthusiasm.

“You and Ennoia don’t like him,” Cat said.

“We don’t like who?” Ennoia asked, sitting down again.

“Basalt,” Jal said.

“Oh,” Ennoia said. “Hm.”

“What does that mean?” Cat asked, baffled.

“It’s just. It’s complicated,” Jal said. “He’s… Both present and not present in the network? It’s weird.”

“His official rank did not match what I got when I pinged him,” Ennoia said. “And I’m not really meant to talk about it? There’s a weird little protocol saying I shouldn’t.”

“Huh?” Cat said.

“He ranks officially as ‘specialist’, but he’s definitely something else,” Jal said. “We like... Clarity. That is the nature of our programming.”

“I wonder if you’re going to be a cohesion break in the network too,” Ennoia wondered. “That’s going to be weird.”

Cat looked baffled. “I might not even want to get the implants.”

“Yeah, you say that now,” Jal said. “But one day, there’s going to be something you want to do and you’ll find a reason.”

Cat frowned slightly.

“Did you see your ex-crush is back?” Ennoia said, to change the subject.

“Huh?” Cat said.

Ennoia gestured where Warm As The Moon was holding court on the other side of the refectory.

“Oh,” Cat said, suddenly sitting up very straight. “Did they see me?”

“Do you want them to see you?” Jal asked, raising her eyebrows. Maybe that was not an ex-crush after all.

“No!”

Ennoia laughed. Cat had squeaked.

“They’re still. Really handsome,” Cat said, flushing just a little.

“Oh, sweetheart. You have a problem, don’t you?” Jal teased.

“What?”

“You want to get fucked by really unsuitable people,” Jal said, laughing. “Are you going to get it out of your system, or are you going to have self-control?”

“I’m going to get fucked by Basalt,” Cat said.

“Yeah, just proves my point, doesn’t it?” Jal joked.

“Basalt isn’t unsuitable,” Cat insisted.

“Don’t take her too seriously. She just thinks you need a little more variety,” Ennoia said. “Though I don’t know what she knows about variety when she’s only been fucking two women for the past- Ow, don’t kick me.”

Cat could not help laughing. He sobered quickly though. “Are there updates from… Ghost’s thing?”

Ennoia shrugged. “So far so good. But it’s not even quarter of the way through.”

“He asked me not to watch,” Cat said.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. You don’t want to see that stuff,” Jal said. “It gets pretty gruesome in parts. Especially when they start cutting-”

“Jal! You’re not meant to freak him out.”

“It’s true, though.”

“He looks green,” Ennoia said.

“You didn’t even let me say anything!”

Cat got up. “I’m going to go home, I think. I don’t want Silver to be lonely. Goodnight.” He kissed Ennoia’s cheek, but not Jal’s. He heard them begin to bicker as he left – but bickering was their natural state, some weird way of working off their extra energy. It did not scare him anymore.

Of course Silver was in no danger of being lonely when he got home. She was in the common area, being fussed over by Tsiuri.

“You have a guest in your apartment,” Tsiuri informed Cat. “Do you want her?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Cat said, coming over to pick Silver up. “Where’s Celeste?”

“She’s hiding in that cupboard because I told her that she can’t dye the cat yellow. I’m going to let her sulk for a bit longer, then take her to bed.”

Cat laughed. What an absurd thing to sulk over.

“Hopefully she’ll forget all about it tomorrow,” Tsiuri said. The cat was not getting dyed any colours.

“Okay, goodnight,” Cat said easily, carrying Silver off into the apartment. He smiled when he saw Basalt reading on the couch. “Hey,” he said, bending to kiss Basalt’s cheek.

“Hello, darling,” Basalt said. “You rescued your cat?”

“I don’t think she needed rescuing,” Cat said, putting Silver down next to Basalt. She proceeded immediately to do her best to cover Basalt’s clothes with hair.

“It was a pretty exciting scene when I got here,” Basalt said, experimentally giving Silver a little scratch under her chin.

“Yeah, apparently something about yellow dye. But I know Tsiuri wouldn’t let her be hurt. Do you want tea?”

“I made myself some earlier.”

Cat made himself a drink then came back to sit with Basalt. “Do you think she’s stupid?” he asked, watching Silver purr in Basalt’s lap, happily stretched out like an overcooked noodle.

“Why?”

“She’s like this with almost everyone.”

“What, affectionate?” Basalt said.

“Yeah,” Cat said, leaning against Basalt’s side.

“I think no one has ever scared or hurt her,” Basalt said. “She’s learned that the purpose of people is to stroke her and to give her food and adore her. What a lovely life, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” Cat agreed.

“Are you just jealous she’s got nothing to worry about?”

“She should worry about getting painted yellow, apparently,” Cat said.

Basalt smiled, allowing the deflection. “Anyone ever painted you yellow?”

Cat laughed. “No.”

“How do you know it’s a terrible thing?”

“Hmm. I don’t think I ever want to try that,” Cat said.

Basalt put an arm around Cat. “Is there something you want to try?”

Cat leaned his face against Basalt’s cheek. “Is it okay. If I just want you to fuck me? Like. On my back. I just want to feel good. I don’t want. Exciting things? Does that make sense? And I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Yes, that makes sense,” Basalt said. Cat wanted sex for comfort, and he was willing to provide. “We can do that.”

“Now?” Cat asked.

“Am I allowed to move?”

Cat snorted, taking Silver off Basalt’s lap so he could climb into it instead. He kissed Basalt, the cat still held between them. Basalt’s hands settled easily on Cat’s hips, finding just the right place to rest. Cat put Silver down next to them.

“Now I definitely can’t move,” Basalt pointed out, sliding his hands under Cat’s shirt to touch bare skin. He gasped quietly as Cat slid a hand into his trousers. “You really want it today, don’t you darling?” he said, kissing the side of Cat’s neck, finishing with a sharp little nip that made Cat moan. A little pain always felt good. Their nerves just worked like that. “Want me to carry you to bed?”

“Aren’t I heavy?”

“Nope,” Basalt said. “Hold on.”

As Basalt stood up, Cat clung on, burying his face into Basalt’s neck. He wrapped all his limbs around Basalt, to be extra safe, but Basalt seemed to be far stronger than he looked.

“You like being carried,” Basalt teased. “I can feel how hard you are.” He dropped Cat onto the bed, laughing at the little gasp Cat made. “Bet you fantasise about getting railed by a huge soldier than can lift you like a leaf, hm? Aw, you’re blushing. You _do_.”

Cat yanked Basalt down for a kiss to shut him up.

Basalt kissed Cat, and then kept talking, “Maybe someday I can introduce you to someone who’d be into that?”

“Maybe,” Cat said, not ashamed he wanted it – but embarrassed that Basalt read him so effortlessly. He raised his hips to let Basalt pull his trousers off. “Would they. Hurt me?”

“Would you like to be hurt?” Basalt asked, wrapping his hand around Cat’s dick and stroking it slowly.

Cat let out a little gasp. He felt horribly distracted by Basalt’s hand when the question was so interesting and strange. No one asked him if he wanted pain. It seemed like it should have been an easy question to answer, and yet he could summon up no better answer than, “I don’t. Know.”

“Oh, that’s interesting,” Basalt said, smiling at Cat as he searched for lube in the drawer beside the bed. “We should talk about that more another time, hm?”

“Yes,” Cat agreed, canting his hips up as Basalt slid a slick finger inside him. “You’re. So nice. To me,” he gasped out as Basalt added a second finger and then a third.

“I am. Because you’re lovely,” Basalt said, watching Cat arch as he moved his fingers. “Want me to fuck you now?”

“Yes,” Cat gasped out. “I want it.”

“Want what?” Basalt teased while he was pulling off his clothes.

“Your dick,” Cat said, smiling so beautifully while he spoke filth.

“Hmm, doesn’t it feel good to say what you want?” Basalt said, climbing back onto the bed. He patted the leg that Cat hooked around him. “Like this?” he said, pressing slowly inside Cat, always so hot and tight.

“Yes,” Cat moaned, pulling Basalt in, wanting to heedlessly slam into all the pleasure that Basalt was willing to give. Basalt knew how to fuck him just right to make him shudder and drive every thought from his head. He dug his nails into Basalt’s back, knowing exactly how close their climax was – and they came together, because that was how they wanted it.

Basalt kissed Cat’s neck gently after, pulling the covers over them. He listened to Cat’s breathing slow again – more quickly than the first time they had met. Cat was fitter now, his body a little harder. Basalt wondered if Cat even noticed the change.

“Oh, hello,” Basalt said, as Silver joined them in bed. She had done that the previous time too. “Is she going to do this every time after we have sex?”

Cat smiled and scratched her behind the ears. “I don’t know. Maybe? She wants you to know she owns me.”

Basalt laughed. “Interesting theory.”

“When I sleep with Ghost, she always has to be there.”

“You have sex with Ghost?” Basalt asked.

“No! It’s just sleeping. And cuddles,” Cat said. “I wish he would. But I know he won’t.”

“Ah. Good.”

“It’s okay for me to think about that, right? But not do anything about it?”

“Yes,” Basalt confirmed, idly stroking Cat’s side.

“Do you think it is going okay? What his engineer is doing?”

“I don’t know, Cat,” Basalt said. “But I am sure someone would let you know if it wasn’t going well. Your soldier friends, probably.”

“I’m really sleepy.”

“Then sleep. You had a long day.”

“Why aren’t you sleepy?”

“I spent most of the day asleep,” Basalt said, tugging Cat closer even though Silver complained. She stalked off down the bed and settled on Cat’s feet.

Cat closed his eyes and tucked his face against Basalt’s shoulder. “I’m worried he won’t come back.”

“I understand,” Basalt said, stroking Cat’s hair. “Go to sleep. I’ll let you know if something happens.”

The reassurance was meaningless, and even Cat knew that. It still helped, somehow. He fell asleep with Basalt stroking his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes this whole thing over 50k words so far??? Proving I literally have no idea how long it takes to write everything in my plan. (:  
> Thanks to everyone for reading and the support! ilu all of you, it keeps me going.


	17. Chapter 17

When Cat woke up, Basalt was asleep, warm and still next to him. Silver was a little lump at the bottom of the bed, neatly curled up. Cat knew if he moved even slightly, both Basalt and Silver would wake up and the moment would be ruined, so he lay there and watched Basalt breathing. Seeing him so relaxed, Cat could imagine how Basalt might have looked when he was new and before anyone had ever been cruel to him. No strange ceramic nails, no scars, something less calculated in his expression.

Looking at Basalt’s closed eyes, Cat wondered what their original colour was, but he knew that question would be rude, somehow. It would have been pretty, no doubt. They were always made to be pretty. Cat was beginning to resent it. There were different kinds of beauty, and Cat was not sure that he liked the sort that he had been given.

Silver moved and Basalt blinked awake immediately – a seamless transition from resting to wakefulness courtesy of some alteration in his brain. Ghost woke like that too, and Jal, and Ennoia, and Wei, and almost certainly Zinn too. Cat wondered what it felt like to skip the sleepy moments when his brain was all fuzzy and quiet.

“Ah. You are awake,” Basalt said, meeting Cat’s eyes.

Cat allowed himself to finally yawn and stretch. He smiled at Basalt as he felt Silver walk up along his body. Soon she would complain. He reached down to scratch her under her chin. “Yeah. Um, I need to give her food.”

“Sure,” Basalt said, shifting while Cat climbed over him. “Coming back after?”

Cat laughed quietly. They were having the same thoughts. “Yeah.”

As soon as Silver was distracted with fresh food and water, Cat was back in bed. “I want to fuck you.”

“Mm, do you?” Basalt asked, pulling Cat in close and rolling onto his back.

Cat picked up the lube they had dropped on the floor last night. Basalt made everything easy for him, hooking a leg around Cat affectionately.

“Do you do this for other people too?” Cat asked.

Basalt smiled lazily. “Of course.”

“Who with?” Cat asked. It did not occur to him to be jealous. “What are you like for them?”

“Hmm, it depends,” Basalt answered. “What is fun. What they need. What I need. These things are complicated. Can we talk about it _after_ sex?” he asked, guiding Cat’s hand to press a finger inside him.

Cat smiled, accepting the hint, and let himself be pulled into a kiss. Basalt liked kissing while being fingered, and Cat always enjoyed pleasing him. He gasped into Basalt’s mouth when Basalt wrapped a hand around his dick. Sex between them felt so simple. There was no submission required. There was nothing to fear. Even if things went wrong or Cat changed his mind, everything would still be fine.

Basalt let Cat know when he was ready, and Cat replaced his fingers with his dick, relishing the heat inside Basalt. He lasted longer this time, managing to make Basalt shudder to a climax before he followed. After, Cat lay on top of Basalt, his face buried in Basalt’s neck. He sighed as Basalt began to gently stroke his back.

“Having had one owner really fucked you up, didn’t it?” Basalt said, with a small hint of amusement. Cat seemed to need intimacy far more than sex.

“Huh?” Cat said. This seemed like one of Basalt’s jokes that were not quite jokes. Cat only understood them about half the time.

“Nothing, darling,” Basalt said, patting Cat’s hair.

“How do you think Ghost’s thing is going?” Cat asked. He had forgotten that he wanted to know something else earlier.

“I do not know,” Basalt said, giving the same answer that he had given multiple times last night. “But I am sure someone would have come to tell you if there was a problem. You should wash up and go have breakfast.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I can stay a little longer, but I have things I must do.”

“You never tell me what those are,” Cat grumbled.

“Maybe one day,” Basalt answered. “If you make certain choices.”

“Ugh,” Cat said. Basalt was being annoyingly vague. “Can you come back tonight?”

“Maybe. If I can, I will join you for dinner. Are you going to your lessons today?”

Cat made a face. “I have to. I promised.”

“You do not like studying?” Basalt asked.

“Not really.”

“Hmm, neither did I,” Basalt said, stroking all the way down Cat’s spine. He knew many of the things Cat had to learn were boring and did not seem to have any useful application yet. Some of it just had to be suffered through. Cat could not remain at the level of a child forever, though he was learning fast with tutors to prod him along. “What you are asked to study forms the foundation of so many other more interesting things, some of which you may want to do later in life.” He poked Cat in the side and promised, “And some things you can ignore forever once you have the basic proficiencies.”

“What are you ignoring forever?” Cat asked grumpily. He hoped it was maths.

“Ah, I’m not telling you. You might get bad ideas,” Basalt joked. “Come on. Get off me and clean up.”

Cat huffed and got up as Basalt nudged him. Basalt had made it clear that he was done for the morning, so Cat did not try to ask for company in the shower. When he came out, Basalt had changed the sheets and made himself tea. He went into the shower straight after Cat and was done while Cat was trying to prevent Silver from playing with his clean socks.

“Are you coming to breakfast with me?” Cat asked, watching Basalt get dressed.

“No. I need to go.” Basalt gave Cat a little kiss on the cheek before disappearing.

Abandoned, Cat had to go to breakfast alone. He left the door half open for Silver and put on the thick socks. It was going to be a long day. He had to go to his language lessons, which always made him feel stupid somehow. Before lunch he had Zinn, whose expression betrayed nothing and who expected Cat to pay as much attention as usual. It was hard: more and more, once they were through the warmup exercises and the repetition of the forms, Zinn expected Cat to apply what he had learned and try to fight back. Zinn was slow and deliberate, so Cat’s body would learn how to move. But still – mistakes were punished by Cat ending up on the floor, flat on the mats.

“Get up,” Zinn said, once again.

Cat simply groaned. He was not hurt. Zinn’s self-control was too precise for that. He was tired of getting it wrong and his mind kept trying to run off to fret. It was hard to maintain the concentration demanded.

Zinn prodded him with a foot and waited.

“How can you do this like everything is normal?” Cat grumbled.

“Everything is normal,” Zinn said.

“Aren’t you worried about Ghost?”

“There is nothing I can do to influence the results,” Zinn stated.

Cat stared. This was not an answer.

“Do you have no self-control? Are you incapable of patience? Get up. We are not done here.”

Cat huffed, sitting up slowly. “I know how to be patient,” he said.

“Then show me,” Zinn said. Was there the smallest hint of amusement in Zinn’s tone?

Cat frowned, pulling himself to his feet. Somehow, he felt like he had done something right, even when he felt utterly exhausted at the end of the lesson. He had to nap after lunch, skipping most of his shift in the agricultural lab. Not much work got done at his desk even when he did turn up, but it passed the time until dinner. Jal checked in to tell him there were no news, leaving an uncomfortable gnawing feeling in Cat’s stomach.

At dinner, Cat found a seat alone and eagerly watched the door, picking at the food. It tasted of nothing, but it was hard to tell if that was incompetent cooking or simply his mood. Ennoia joined him for ten minutes or so, drinking a cup of tea before apologising and saying she had to go. He saw Warm As The Moon come with a few of their usual company, taking up one of the corner tables. Time passed, and Basalt did not come, and Cat’s heart sank. He did not want to spend the night alone.

Eventually, Cat was out of food and he had drank his tea and a glass of water and eaten an extra dessert and he was still alone. Basalt had not promised he would definitely come. It was not a betrayal.

There were plenty of people he could go to. He could go see June and Ennoia and Jal in their rooms. He could go see Wei down in the docks, on the ship. He could spend his time with anyone living in his block. He was sure they would all do their best to look after him. He could go speak to Sometime During Eternity and tell her about what he was feeling. Somehow none of those things felt right. He sighed, watching Warm As The Moon laughing at whatever conversation was happening at their table. They were still incredibly handsome. There were worse things to choose.

Cat returned his tray and got a new cup of tea, this one very sweet and smelling of something herbal. Decisive now, he headed towards the table where Warm As The Moon was sitting. Before he even arrived, Warm As The Moon turned to look at him.

“Hello,” Cat said. “Can I sit?”

“Ah, do you like me again?” Warm As The Moon teased.

“Um,” Cat said, considering this like a serious question.

Warm As The Moon laughed and pulled in an empty chair from another table with their foot. “Come on then.”

Cat sat down next to them, his fingers wrapped around the warm cup. There seemed to be an awkward pause in the conversation, like it had not been suitable for Cat’s ears. He smiled. It was a good defence mechanism. “Were you away?” he asked Warm As The Moon.

“Yes. I was… Advised to avoid you for a while,” Warm As The Moon said lightly. “After that I needed to make a trip.”

“What did you _do_?” was an immediate question from someone at the table.

Warm As The Moon looked expectantly at Cat, but when Cat said nothing, they answered, “We had a misunderstanding, I think.”

“Yes,” Cat agreed. That was a way of putting it.

“Aw, you mean the sex was so bad you disappointed the pleasure construct?” a person Cat didn’t know joked, with their eyebrows raised. “That will be bad for your reputation.”

Even Cat joined in the laughter. “It wasn’t bad,” he said, flushing a little.

“Ah, good, my reputation is saved.”

And then the conversation moved on, shifting to something about politics in some lab, about whether or not a project would get the resources an architect was requesting. Cat did not find it very interesting, but the information went into his brain anyway. There was more tea, and someone got a box of little sugar biscuits. Cat nibbled on them, listening. He did not jump when Warm As The Moon put a hand on his knee. It was what he wanted, after all.

Later, when other people were distracted by looking at some program on a screen, Warm As The Moon leaned in towards Cat and said quietly, “Do you want to go somewhere more private?”

“Yes,” Cat answered, with a very small smile.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Um,” Cat said, trying to think. He did not want to suggest a quiet garden or observation deck, because conversation was not what he wanted. He did not want to invite Warm As The Moon back to his room either. Then he would not be able to leave if things did not go the way he wanted. “How about your room?”

“Ah,” Warm As The Moon said, turning their head to look properly at Cat. “Come on, then.”

Cat got up with Warm As The Moon, politely offering goodbyes before they headed together to the elevators. It was still busy on the concourse, and then all the corridors to Warm As The Moon’s room were busy too, so neither of them spoke until they arrived and Warm As The Moon closed the door.

“Do you want a drink?” they asked.

The room was just as much of a mess as the last time Cat had been there, though the pieces of a different project covered the table now. It was just as incomprehensible to Cat as the last one. “No,” he answered. He had had enough cups of tea.

“Why are you back?” Warm As The Moon asked, keeping their tone mild. “Your… Sponsor made it clear you did not enjoy the last time.”

Cat tilted his head slightly, trying to work it out. “You weren’t very nice to me.”

“I’m not very nice in general, even when I try to be. So why did you come back?”

Cat frowned slightly. He was trying to answer. “People are always nice to me. But you were just using me, because you wanted to get off.”

“To be fair, I thought you just wanted to get off too. It’s not like we were going to have more than a physical relationship,” Warm As The Moon said, not intending to offer any defence.

Cat chewed the inside of his mouth. “Because I do not have network implants?”

“Yes.”

“You just like me because I’m pretty?”

“Yes,” Warm As The Moon answered, with a small shrug. It was not a crime to be shallow. “So, do I have this right. You are bored of people being nice to you, so you came to me?”

“Is it okay if I just want to use you now? I just want to be fucked.”

Warm As The Moon let out a small snort.

Cat studied them, not sure what that meant.

“Take your clothes off, then,” Warm As The Moon said finally, removing their jacket and hanging it up.

“Oh,” Cat said with a slow smile. He did not try to make it alluring as he stripped – just efficient, folding his clothes and placing them on the empty corner of a shelf. He twitched as Warm As The Moon touched his hip and pulled him closer. Cat tilted his head up for a kiss. There was a certain pleasure in doing what he was trained to. It was the one thing he knew that he was good at. He made no attempt to take control, letting Warm As The Moon lead, accepting how long the kiss was, then allowing himself to be arranged on the bed. There was no need to think.

Settling with his face in the pillow, Cat gasped as Warm As The Moon pressed two fingers inside him. It felt good to be stretched open. He surrendered into the sensation, making a quiet sound as the fingers pressed in deeper. He arched his back. He knew it was pretty. It was made to be. But the tension in his muscles was also good. He felt as disjointed as he felt last time, but this time he invited the feeling. He let himself groan as Warm As The Moon pulled their fingers out. It was still habit to avoid making too much noise, but he was learning how good it felt to ignore those lessons.

Cat turned his head to watch Warm As The Moon undress and drop their clothes on the floor. Their body was all lean muscle and sharp angles, and Cat liked the hardness of it, the lack of curves. Was this how people looked at him too? Seeing him as just a collection of features that pleased them?

“Stop frowning at me, cutie,” Warm As The Moon said, meaning, stop thinking.

Cat turned the frown into a small smile. “Fuck me already.”

“You were less demanding last time.”

Cat stifled his laugh in the pillow. He had not known what he wanted last time. “Come on,” he said, raising his ass up. He wanted to think about nothing again.

Warm As The Moon smoothed their hand down Cat’s back before getting onto the bed. They were not the only person that liked the way his spine curved. Cat moaned as they pushed inside him, filling him up. Their dick was a good size, satisfying as Cat rocked back onto it. (Far more satisfying than any of the toys back in his room could have been.) Cat encouraged them to go hard with groans, holding tightly onto the pillow and shifting his whole body into each thrust.

“Can you. Pull my hair?” Cat asked abruptly.

Warm As The Moon made a sound that might have been a laugh. They did not ask how hard. They simply wrapped their fist with Cat’s hair and yanked, making him arch just a little bit more, and Cat shuddered, his mind whiting out instantly. Warm As The Moon finished with a few more thrusts and collapsed beside Cat, breathing hard.

“So is this what you’re into?”

Cat laughed, still breathless. He had come so hard he still felt all fucked up. “I don’t even know.”

“Are you going to run away now?” they asked, teasing lightly. It did not sound like it mattered much to them if Cat did leave.

“No,” Cat answered. His scalp still hurt from how hard Warm As The Moon had pulled. “Can I sleep here?”

“If you want. But I am taking a shower and then working.”

“That’s okay,” Cat said.

For a little while, Warm As The Moon lay beside Cat, but then they got out of bed again. They headed to the communal bathroom down the corridor. Cat was already half dozing when they returned, damp and smelling like soap. He watched them settle at their desk with his eyes half-open. It was soothing to watch them lay out their tools, turn on the screens with the schematics, and begin to work. Assembling a prototype, perhaps? Cat could never work these things out properly. He yawned and shifted onto his side to watch better. It did not take long for him to start drifting off.

Warm As The Moon glanced at him a few times. They were not used to having someone in their room, but they did not seem to mind much either way. “You’re sure fucking going to be something when they’re done with you.”

“Huh?” Cat said sleepily. He fell asleep before he got any answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been way longer than i intended, sorry. .-.  
> hope you all enjoyed the update


	18. Chapter 18

“Huh?” Cat said, twitching as Warm As The Moon poked him awake. He felt like he had barely slept. It could not be getting up time. Warm As The Moon probably wanted their bed back. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked, yawning and stretching, trying to get himself alert enough to have a conversation.

“It’s time for you to go,” Warm As The Moon answered. “Your-.” They paused, deciding to use different words. “Specialist Basalt has come to fetch you.”

“Huh,” Cat repeated, sitting up to look – and there was Basalt, standing in the doorway, dressed as plainly as usual with his hair tied back, looking perfectly awake and perfectly composed. “I think I need to clean up,” Cat said.

Warm As The Moon shrugged, stepping away from the bed to toss a towel from the cupboard in Cat’s direction. “You do stink. You know where the showers are.”

Basalt smiled a little, watching Cat yawn. He was going to end this peaceful moment. “Your soldier friends did not know where to find you. They wished to tell you the surgery is over, and that you may visit Ghost now.”

Cat leapt out of bed, then froze in a dilemma about whether he should put his clothes on or go wash first.

“You do not have to hurry,” Basalt said. “So far everything has gone well. Take your time and go shower.”

“So far?” Cat asked.

“Outcomes of such procedures are uncertain until some time after the surgery,” Basalt said. “You seem like you had fun last night.”

Cat blushed and smiled awkwardly. He stepped around Basalt to head for the showers. Maybe it was best to clean up first, even though his instinct was to go see Ghost immediately. At least he did not have to wait to wash himself. It seemed that everyone on this corridor kept odd hours and there was no pre-shift rush for the bathroom. He scrubbed himself quickly, taking as little time as possible to get fully clean. As he dried himself with the towel, he wondered what Basalt and Warm As The Moon might talk about. Would they compare notes? Probably not – Warm As The Moon seemed uneasy in Basalt’s presence. It was a strange thing he might have cared about more if he was fretting less about Ghost.

Cat hurried back as soon as he was finished. He found silence when he got there, with Basalt idly examining the contents of Warm As The Moon’s shelves. Cat paused in the doorway to look at Basalt’s body language, so utterly at ease while Warm As The Moon hovered, out of place in their own room. This sort of silence did not mean a conversation was not happening, but if one was it deliberately excluded Cat. More and more often he noticed these things. He did not know what to feel about them.

“I’m done,” Cat said, going to pick up his shoes.

“Good,” Basalt said. “I’ll show you the way.”

“Oh, we should probably feed Silver first?” Cat remembered.

“One of your soldier friends did that, so you did not have to worry about it. They are very fond of you.”

“Ah,” Cat said, smiling. He guessed it was probably Ennoia who had fed Silver. Jal would not have remembered.

“Are you ready to go?” Basalt asked.

“Bye,” Cat said, going over to place a little kiss on Warm As The Moon’s cheek. “Thanks?”

“Sure, whatever,” Warm As The Moon answered, patting Cat’s hip with a kind of affection. “Come again.”

Cat smiled briefly as he left with Basalt. He was not sure where they were going, but he kept walking a little ahead, then having to pause to match his steps back with Basalt’s. Every time it was more frustrating that Basalt was in no hurry at all.

“Did you enjoy yourself there?”

“Um,” Cat said, his course of thought so derailed he stopped thinking about how slow they were going.

“I am not judging,” Basalt said. “It’s just interesting.”

“What is?”

“You seem to have no sexual interest in anyone with a… Civilian profession. You don’t hit on your academic tutors. You don’t hit on that agricultural engineer you work for or any of their assistants. Engineer June has also made some effort to make sure you meet a variety of her acquaintances, but despite all her hard work you have pursued relationships with none of them.”

“How do you know all that?” Cat asked. “How _did_ you know where I was?”

“The station makes records about the behaviour of every resident. Usually this is used for efficiency purposes to alter procedures so they use fewer resources or to improve safety. But because the data is not anonymous, it is possible to analyse the behaviour of a single person. So I can correlate, roughly, who you choose to spend time with.”

Cat frowned. He wondered why Basalt would have access to that sort of data.

Basalt kept talking, his tone light, “And you like telling me about who you are interested in. So it is easy to guess who you won’t make any moves on. You also have a bad habit of forgetting names of anyone you don’t find sexy.”

Cat flushed, utterly mortified that was so obvious.

“I would suggest you work on that,” Basalt said, amused by Cat’s response. “It is a little rude.”

“Basalt,” Cat said.

“You want to ask me something?”

Cat frowned again. He did not know how to state his question. “I think… I don’t understand what you are. Everyone is weird around you.”

“Hm. Yes,” Basalt said, thoughtful. He waited to continue until they were alone in an elevator. “I would like to have that conversation with you, but such information is restricted. Perhaps when you have lived here longer and if you have made choices similar to mine.”

Cat chewed his lip, his brow furrowed. “How would I choose that?”

“I will not tell you,” Basalt answered. “It might lead you down a wrong path.”

“You’re an ass,” Cat said, frustrated. Sometimes the difference between them seemed inconsequential, and then Basalt went and said things like that and made it seem as vast as the distance between the stars. Basalt also thought he was too young to know important things.

Basalt laughed. “Yes. Sorry.”

Cat paused, trying to think of what else to say. “Did you. Tell Warm As The Moon what title to use for you?”

“Yes. Sometimes I need to remind people,” Basalt said, with a small and very odd smile. “Do you know where we are now?” he asked, as they stepped out of the elevator.

“Oh,” Cat said. He might have liked to ask more things, but when Basalt was done with a subject, it was over. “This is a floor below where I see my engineer?”

“Yes. You know how to come here alone from your room?” Basalt asked.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now just a little further down the corridor. Here,” Basalt said, stopping in front of a door. “This is Bioengineering Lab Six, under Engineer Radiance Of Glass.”

“Oh,” Cat said, as the door slid open to reveal another corridor, clean and sterile and quiet. On one side, clear walls allowed a view into offices where screens were covered in schematics and scans and people were busy working. On the other side was a view down into level below, where the machines that manufactured prototypes hummed and built artefacts molecule by molecule. These machines looked far newer than anything in Mistral’s or June’s labs. Cat stopped to stare at so many diagnostic readouts that meant nothing to him.

“Radiance Of Glass likes to impress,” Basalt said, tugging Cat along. “Here they get to play with many shiny things because they work on defence projects.”

“Where do they do. The other work?”

“Surgery? That is past the consultation rooms,” Basalt answered. “But we are going this way, to the recovery suites. You are authorised to visit Ghost whenever you like. No other doors will open for you.”

“Is Sometime’s lab like this?” Cat asked.

“It is smaller, as far as I know, and some of her manufacturing is done here,” Basalt said. The walls in this section of the corridor were opaque for privacy. Basalt knew what room he was going to, even though they were only labelled with numbers. “Here,” he said, hitting the door control for Cat. “I wasn’t invited, so I won’t go in with you.”

“Oh,” Cat said, pausing at the door, “Okay.” There was too little light for his eyes, but he could smell antiseptic and something metallic. Suddenly he felt apprehensive, but Basalt put a hand in the middle of his back and pushed him into the room before the door shut again. Cat did not hear Basalt say goodbye. He blinked at the dark.

“Who is it,” Ghost asked, his voice ragged.

“Cat,” Wei answered.

“Then turn the light on, he can’t see,” Ghost answered, uncharacteristically grumpy.

Low lights came on. Cat stared. He had expected something terrible, but there was Wei sitting in an armchair and Ghost in the bed on his side, covered with a soft-looking blanket and carefully propped up with cushions so he could not roll over. Ghost was linked to many machines, with lines going into his arm and under the covers. Cat watched him turn his face into the pillow, making an annoyed sort of huff. Ghost never normally made those sounds.

“Does it hurt?” Cat asked.

“Of course it fucking hurts,” Ghost grumbled.

Wei laughed quietly. Cat was asking very stupid questions.

Cat came closer, looking at the dressings just visible at the top of Ghost’s spine. They were all clean and white. “Is it. Okay?” he asked, worried about the way Ghost was hiding his face. “Why were you sitting in the dark?”

“He is having some issues with managing light sensitivity with the new implants,” Wei said.

“Oh,” Cat said. He had no idea if that was serious or not. “Why are you here?” It was always strange to see Wei away from the ship.

“Professional interest,” Wei answered.

“He had to watch the whole thing,” Ghost said, sounding as if that irritated him.

“You will be happy I did if I have to perform emergency repairs on you again. You use fewer and fewer standardised parts.”

It sounded like Wei could go on this subject for a while, but Ghost made a wordless aggravated grumble to interrupt him.

“Can I go now you have someone else to keep you company?” Wei asked.

“Fuck off, then,” Ghost said. “Go mindfuck with your asshole ship.”

“Now the painkillers are wearing off, he’s very irritable if you say the wrong thing,” Wei informed Cat, standing up. “Good luck, cutie.”

Cat sat down on the vacated chair, at a loss as to what else to do. He watched Wei leave, a little alarmed at the idea of being alone with this strange version of Ghost. “Um,” he said, not sure what to say.

“Turn the light off. There’s a manual switch on the wall,” Ghost said.

“Uh, okay,” Cat said, twisting to find it. He turned the switch back to the off position. The dark was immediate and almost complete, disturbed only by a few little diagnostic lights. Cat heard Ghost sigh and shift. “I was really worried,” Cat said.

“I am still worried,” Ghost muttered.

Cat was silent for a moment, not immediately knowing how to reply. “Will it all heal okay?”

“How is anyone supposed to know that?”

“Oh,” Cat said, very quietly.

Ghost sighed. He shifted again, then groaned. He could not perform the smallest stretch right now. “I regret wanting to be awake for this. I should have let them put me in a tank for a week.”

“Should I get someone?” Cat asked, having no idea how to answer that.

“No. Just stay. And be quiet.”

Cat knew how to be quiet. He pulled his legs up onto the chair and wrapped his arms around them. His eyesight adjusted slowly to faint light, until he could make out the rough shapes of everything, even the lump on top of the bed that was Ghost. Every so often he could hear Ghost moving restlessly. He entirely forgot that he was missing breakfast.

“Can I come over there?” Cat asked.

“Yes,” Ghost answered. “Be careful.”

It was only two steps to the bed. Cat carefully felt around the cables and tubes to make sure he jostled none of them as he slid under the covers, lying down so his face was right next to Ghost’s.

After a little while Ghost rested his hand on Cat’s waist. “Have you been good?”

“Mostly,” Cat said, quite sure that having sex with Warm As The Moon did not count as being good. He did not want to tell Ghost about that.

Ghost laughed shortly. It sounded like it hurt. “I’ll take that.”

“Your hand is cold,” Cat said, pulling the blanket up a little higher. Ghost flinched as it snagged on something and Cat let go immediately.

“Is it?” Ghost said. His body temperature did not seem high on his list of priorities.

“You don’t smell like you,” Cat observed. The natural scent of Ghost’s skin was all replaced with sharp chemicals. He wondered what all the tubes and cables were for.

“Give it a few days of lying here.”

Cat pressed his face against Ghost’s cheek. He did not know where else to touch, too worried about causing Ghost additional pain. He kept his hands to himself. 

“Why do you like me so much, you idiot,” Ghost said, with a kind of exasperation.

“I just do,” Cat answered. This was not normal Ghost, so Cat would go along with it. Wei had mentioned painkillers, and strong drugs could make people very strange for a while. “I’m stupid like that.”

“Don’t call yourself stupid.”

Cat smiled. “You’re nice to me. Not just because I’m good for fucking.” It was a complicated feeling, but he did not know how to explain it any better than that. “Ghost. What were you made for? Originally?”

Ghost laughed. “Originally. A human woman with a uterus fucked a human man with a penis and did not use contraception.”

“You’re _human_?” Cat asked, his eyes widening. How had no one ever told him something that important? He almost felt a little betrayed.

“Not anymore,” Ghost said. “I don’t think I have enough of the original parts.” He laughed, as if this was the funniest joke he had ever heard.

“What does that mean?” Cat asked, when Ghost finally stopped laughing.

“It means. That the first time I joined a conclave. I was a traitor. Now. If I am human or not. It doesn’t matter to me. It stopped being relevant a very, very long time ago. I have been a Shatterpoint controller longer than I have been anything else. Sometimes, what you choose to be erases everything that came before.”

Cat was not sure all of that made complete sense. “Did you want to be a controller?”

“No,” Ghost said, with a laugh. “When I was your age.” He seemed to find that idea funny too. “I wanted to be a librarian. But I had to go to war. You are very lucky. You know nothing about such things. I would advise you to never go find out. You should stay here, where it is safe – mostly safe – and find someone who will love you.”

“You and Silver love me,” Cat pointed out.

“Not romantically. Someone should love you romantically,” Ghost said, patting Cat’s side. “Fuck, my chest hurts. See, they moved all my ribs so they could work on my spine and my lungs. It’s all got to learn where it goes again.”

“That sounds like it hurts a lot.”

“Yes. But there are worse things. I don’t know what the time is,” Ghost’s mind was not working quite right, skipping from one thought to another.

“Um, I know I missed breakfast?” Cat was not sure either. His internal clock had never been particularly good.

“But you love breakfast,” Ghost said.

“I wanted to see how you were.”

“And how am I?”

“Weird, but still you,” Cat said, honest.

“Shut up and stop making me laugh. It really hurts.” Maybe he needed more painkillers.

“Okay,” Cat said, settling more comfortably next to Ghost. “Why do you have dressings on your back?” Normally Ghost’s back was protected with interlocking ceramic plating, a little less flexible than the average spine, but far more solid.

“New fittings need to be done once I heal a bit.”

“How long will you be here?” Cat wanted Ghost back in their rooms.

“I don’t know. A few weeks.”

“That long?”

“I can’t fucking move yet.”

That was Ghost going back to irritable, then. Cat sighed quietly, closing his eyes. “Can I bring Silver to visit you?”

“Are you an idiot? Do you know how many bacteria live on an animal?”

“Oh, okay.” Cat did not know, but that answer definitely meant that he should not be bringing Silver over.

Since Ghost did not reply, Cat lapsed into a silence. That was probably what Ghost wanted. He hoped the warmth of his body felt good to Ghost. He would have liked to nap, but he was too worried about moving and snagging something and starting to feel uncomfortably hungry. Ghost seemed to be dozing, though, his breathing very slow and even. Or at least, he was until Cat’s stomach rumbled.

“Ugh,” Ghost said, shifting as the unexpected noise woke him. He groaned.

“Sorry,” Cat said.

“Go eat something, you little shit,” Ghost ordered, pushing Cat lightly away.

Cat resisted, shifting his weight against the pressure of Ghost’s hand. It did not seem like Ghost had the strength to push him out of bed. “Is it okay for you to be alone?”

“Of course it is. I can call someone whenever I need to. I want you to go eat.”

“If you say so,” Cat said, reluctantly starting to get out of bed, just as careful as he was getting into it.

“And don’t you have lessons?”

“Um, probably.”

“ _Probably_?” Ghost said. “You know you have lessons.”

“Can I come back later?”

“Only if you eat and go to your lessons,” Ghost said.

“Uh, okay,” Cat conceded, without enthusiasm. Even so, he was glad that Ghost could pester him about food and lessons. It could not be so awful if Ghost could worry about such unimportant things. Cat tripped over the leg of the chair on his way out – the undignified sound he let out made Ghost laugh – and left, obediently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is my last update for 2020. how weird is it that i ended up writing roughly 100 000 words about this universe while having one of the worst years of my life?
> 
> thanks to all of those that have been commenting and giving me little ego pats when i really needed them. my inbox has become a nice little thing to scroll through when i need a little mood boost. much love especially to those of you that kept coming back and let me know every time <3


	19. Chapter 19

“Your name is Four, isn’t it?” Cat asked the combat engineer as they walked down the corridor to Chiasm’s room. He had thought it would be more difficult to return, but the knot in his stomach seemed to dissolve the closer they were to Chiasm. It reminded him a little of that calm he felt when his master was angry and he had to go get fucked anyway, and he knew it would hurt – but better, because he did not have to go and Chiasm would not touch him again. Somehow he was certain of that.

“Yes,” the engineer confirmed.

“Why?”

There was the smallest furrow between the engineer’s brows at the sheer rudeness of the question. “I was designated the fourth engineer of my squad. There was never any need to change it.”

“Oh,” Cat said thoughtfully. “But you work here now?”

“Yes.”

“So you’re not the fourth of anything?”

“Correct. But four is a good number. Balanced. The square of a prime. Some numbers and patterns have always felt better to me. It is the nature of the synaesthesia I was designed with.”

“Why are you answering my questions even though you think I am being rude?” Cat asked abruptly.

“Because it would be unkind to ignore the questions of someone who is still learning, even if they are going about it poorly.”

Cat frowned. He did not feel particularly chastised, though he thought that he should. They stopped in front of Chiasm’s door. There was a new notice there next to all the other ones – slowly, Cat read it word by word, parsing the meaning with effort. The language had jargon and too many abbreviations, but Cat understood it was a warning there was a risk of physical violence, with a dry description of his previous visit. How weird it was to see that.

“I don’t think Chiasm would have killed me, even if you didn’t come in,” Cat said, finally starting on the conversation he had wanted to have with the combat engineer.

“You are correct.”

“But you helped me anyway.” It was, in the end, an unnecessary action.

“Of course. My instructions were to prevent any physical harm. I did not succeed in this. I did not appreciate the danger and responded too slowly. I will pay more attention this time.”

It was curious. Cat thought someone else might have apologised for their failure, but he found that he preferred being told what had gone wrong and what would happen this time to make it different. “But Chiasm predicted what you would do. It was part of the reason why they did it.”

“Yes,” Four answered. “Acting according to my instructions played into their game. That is unfortunate, but I would still do the same thing. Whatever Chiasm’s intentions were, my actions were correct.”

“Okay,” Cat said, needing to think about that. There was a pause, and then he asked, “Would you like to fuck sometime?”

Four seemed to consider this. “I fail to follow your thought process.”

“Maybe I just want to,” Cat said.

“It would be difficult for me to have intimate relations with you that I would find satisfying. Do you intend to go in? You appear to be hesitating.”

“I’m not hesitating,” Cat sad, a little stubbornly. “I was reading, and then I wanted to speak with you.”

“You read very slowly and speak indirectly,” Four stated. “If you wish, you can leave instead.”

Cat wrinkled his nose. “Fine,” he decided. “I will go in.” He stepped up to the first part of the little airlock, waiting for the door to identify him. The engineer settled in an easy lean against the wall. When the first door slid open, Cat stepped inside, waiting for it to lock, and then for that click as the inner door unlatched. He waited impatiently for it to open, shifting from foot to foot.

Beyond, the room was as it had always been. All the usual decorations were in their usual places. The special lamp was on next to the plants, to give them the light they needed, and Chiasm was sitting in front of the board, the game all set up already.

“We knew you would return, little cousin,” Chiasm said. “You are strangely dutiful.”

Cat sat down on the cushion opposite. He wanted to frown, but he did not. This was the game that had been interrupted. He looked up at Chiasm, at the green of their unblinking eyes. “I want to start from the beginning.”

“We wish to finish this one. We do not know what mistakes you are going to make.”

“I want a new game,” Cat said. It took everything he had not to look away from Chiasm’s gaze. “I won’t play this one.”

Chiasm made a very small huff that could have been amusement. It was hard to tell, with them. Their face moved so little. “If you insist, little cousin. We suppose that this too is an interesting outcome.” They swept all the stones off the board and sorted them quickly. “Come, then. Let us start.”

And they started to play again. In silence, at first, but then with Chiasm’s corrections and discussions of the philosophy at the game. It was hard work, as hard as the first time Cat had come here. He found that he had no fear. Four was outside, and Four would come, and Chiasm was not that sort of murderer anyway. He found himself relaxed as he looked over the board, trying to figure out the moves. He understood Chiasm better, now. They were cruel and clever, but they would bend a little to not be lonely.

“How were you so certain I’d come back?” Cat asked, while sorting the stones between games.

Chiasm smiled, baring their teeth. “Do you understand yourself so little?”

“I want to know how you knew,” Cat said, with a little furrow between his eyebrows.

“Ah, you wish to know how you betray your inner self to us?” Chiasm said, sounding pleased. “You find it satisfying to provide companionship. We understand why – it is what you have been made for. Sometimes surrendering to our purpose is what we all need. To add to this, you feel sorry for us, so you do not wish to let us down. You imagine how lonely we must be here. Your empathy is a weakness easily exploited. You must learn to use it as a weapon. You are Shatterpoint’s now.”

Cat looked at the board, playing with the stones in his bowl.

“It is your turn to play,” Chiasm reminded.

Cat made the opening move. He knew now this start led to a longer game. “You are using me.”

“Of course. That has always been the nature of this arrangement. But do not feign innocence. You are also using us, to learn things that others are too tactful to say. We find it equitable. You should tell us. What sort of lesson are you really looking for today? What would you like to discuss with us?”

Cat fiddled with a stone as they watched Chiasm make their move. He played on in silence.

“You should not be shy. We understand that you are trying to make sense of all the pieces of your nature. We think you are not like us. You will be one whole thing, not a constellation.”

Cat glanced up at Chiasm, chewing his lip.

“Architect Selene told us we should be nicer to you, but we do not think so. We will not soften our words. You would not be so naïve as to believe our performance. We have decided you can count on our honesty.”

“Thank you, I suppose,” Cat said. There was nothing else to say to that sort of pronouncement. Chiasm certainly thought they were doing him a favour.

“Have you thought about the lesson we gave you last time?”

“Yes. A lot,” Cat said.

“And what have you concluded?”

“I guess… That I need to make the best of it living here now,” Cat said. “And that I really wish I knew what the infiltrator was thinking.”

“Hm,” Chiasm said. Perhaps that was not the outcome they had intended. “What prevents you from finding out? Unlike us, you are free to talk to whoever you like.”

Cat stared at them. “What?”

“We understand it is standard procedure to advise you to avoid contact with the infiltrator that deceived you. We find it interesting that you are so compliant as to take this advice as a rule.”

“Everyone tells me it’s a bad idea,” Cat said, a little defensive. It had never occurred to him to just ignore what he was told.

“It could be. But should you always let other people decide these things? Obedience without questioning is also a weakness. Even a soldier should understand why orders are given,” Chiasm said neutrally. “You have lost this game now. Thinking about what move you should make is a waste of time. We will play again.”

In the middle of the next game, Cat said, “I don’t even know if they are on the station.”

“We would have thought that is easily solved,” Chiasm answered. “Concentrate on the game. It is boring for us when you are simply going through the motions. We do not enjoy playing. We only enjoy watching you learn.”

“That’s a lot of pressure,” Cat grumbled.

“Sometimes pressure is required for change,” Chiasm replied, indifferent to Cat’s suffering. They made him play two more games until they were satisfied that Cat was too exhausted to be capable of learning anything new.

When he finally left the room, Four was still waiting outside, as patient as always. Cat was escorted back out of the lab in silence. It was neither lunch nor dinner, but Cat went to eat anyway. There was always food for those without neat shifts, and he could get a stir fry of mushrooms and greens and little chewy squares of processed algae. The refectory was pleasantly empty at this time. Cat could be alone with his thoughts. Chiasm was right. It would be easy to find out if the infiltrator was on the station. He would just have to ask the right person. But who was the right person?

Cat finished his food and returned the plate. He had no other plans for the day, so it was time to visit Ghost again. This time he did not have to sit in the dark – Ghost had worked all the way up to dim lights. Cat sat on the chair, at a loss. Ghost was still not allowed to roll onto his back, but he was allowed to roll onto his front. Cat watched Ghost shift onto his stomach very slowly. It was obvious it hurt.

“Silver misses you,” Cat said.

Ghost laughed, then coughed, and then groaned. “Does she?”

“Yes,” Cat said. He put his legs up on the chair, wrapped his arms around them and rested his chin on his knees. He wanted to come into bed again, but Ghost was sprawled out taking up all of it.

“Did it. Go fine with Chiasm?” Ghost asked, wearily, turning his head to look at Cat.

“It was okay,” Cat said. “They were just weird, like usual.” Ghost was not the person to ask if the infiltrator lived on the station. As soon as he asked even the most indirect question, Ghost would know what he wanted to do.

“Ah. Good.”

“I talked to Four for the first time,” Cat said, wanting to give Ghost a little distraction.

“Four?”

“I don’t know what gender they are,” Cat realised with a little frown. He had never asked, and he probably should not assume. “They are the combat engineer that stopped Chiasm strangling me.”

“Oh. Yes. I forgot,” Ghost said.

“You don’t forget things,” Cat said.

“I am still. Reassembling everything,” Ghost said. “It is taking a while.”

“Is that okay? Is something wrong?” Cat asked. “Would you even tell me if something was wrong?”

Ghost narrowed his eyes at Cat. “Yes. I was advised that our relationship should be one of trust. Lying to you would be a poor way to gain it.”

“You don’t tell me things all the time,” Cat grumbled. “You didn’t tell me you were going to do this for ages. I don’t even know how it all works. I can see it hurts and that you’re not yourself, and I’m worried.”

“This is exactly why I never wanted children. Why do I have to explain everything to you?”

Cat had no answer to this question. He made a little huff, wrinkling his nose at Ghost.

“Enny said she will be here later. She can explain this to you again,” Ghost said. “I don’t have the patience.”

“When will you come back to our rooms?” Cat said.

“Ask me when I am capable of sitting and when I am no longer pissing in a bag. Or do you want to be the one washing my ass?”

Even though Cat would have washed Ghost’s ass if necessary, he thought that he should probably try a different conversation. “I asked Four if they wanted to have sex with me.”

Ghost laughed again. He had trouble stopping.

“Why is that so funny?”

“You asked. One of Selene’s combat engineers. If they wanted to have sex.”

Cat did not understand. He stared at Ghost.

“Oh, fuck,” Ghost said, breathing slowly as he waited for it to stop hurting quite so much. “You’ll get it one day.”

Cat frowned in sullen silence, picking at a loose thread on his trousers. He did not like Ghost laughing at him.

“Are you sulking?” Ghost asked, amused.

Cat was still sulking when Ennoia arrived. She was breezy and light, her mood immune to Ghost’s grumbling. Cat watched her idly look at Ghost’s dressings, tell him all about the progress of June’s baby, and entirely ignore all of Ghost’s comments. Probably a good idea. Some of them were downright mean. Others were all too much information about catheters, nutrition tubes, and how Ghost could feel his bones all grind against each other whenever he moved.

“Come on, Cat,” Ennoia said when she was done. “He’s too bitchy for company.”

“Where are you going?” Cat asked, deciding that she was right. He made sure to adjust Ghost’s blanket so his feet were properly covered.

“I was going to go see if there is anyone to spar with, but we could do something else.”

“I’ll come, I can watch,” Cat said. He kissed Ghost’s cheek even though Ghost looked annoyed about it.

“Sure, then. Why not,” Ennoia said.

As they walked together, Cat asked, “Is he okay? Like, really okay, not just pretending?”

“Hmm, I think so,” Ennoia said. “It does sometimes take time for people to get back to normal. Changing neural implants can really fuck you up for a bit.” She paused, then said, “If it wasn’t okay, there would be a lot more people in that room. And he’s always like that after surgery.”

“What, mean?” Cat asked.

Ennoia laughed. “Yeah, mean. It’s funny, because I’ve seen him bleeding from being shot, and I’ve seen him with his bones broken, and he’s just… Normal. Keeps on doing the job. But after surgery? He’s always an ass.”

“Oh,” Cat said. He felt a little better knowing Ghost was like this every time. “Enny. How would I check if someone is on the station or not?”

“Oh? That’s easy. You need to check the residency records.”

“How do I do that?”

Ennoia frowned slightly. “I… Always do this through the network. I don’t actually know how to do it manually. Who do you want to know about? Ritika’s not on the station, if that’s what you wanted to know.” Cat did not know that many people.

“Oh, I see, okay,” Cat said. “That was it.” Somehow, he did not want to ask her either.

“Ritika took an assignment,” Ennoia said. “Getting over the breakup.”

“They broke up?” Last time Cat had been paying attention, the relationship had seemed to involve a lot of cuddling in corners.

“It wasn’t very dramatic. Ritika just wanted monogamy,” Ennoia said. “They’re not like us.”

“How do you know what sort of relationship you want?”

“Oh, that’s… A hard one. I guess, after a while, you know? Once you’ve had a few relationships you start figuring out what you like and you imagine what the future will be... I suppose I found it pretty easy. I never really wanted to be with anyone except Jal, and then when June got involved it just expanded pretty naturally. Jal loved her so it felt right to love her too. You still have plenty of time to work it out.”

“People tell me that about _everything_ ,” Cat said, suddenly exasperated.

“That’s because it’s true. Life is very long, if you want it to be.”

“Enny, where are we going?” Cat asked, realising they were getting close to where he took lessons with Zinn.

“Soldier hangout,” Ennoia said, with a small smile. “Nothing stops other people coming, but we just like to be a bit rougher with each other than most non-soldiers like.” She opened the door to one of the public training rooms. It was much larger than the room Cat trained in with Zinn, and this one had cushions next to the wall to make up seats. The fight in the centre paused to take note of the new arrivals and Ennoia pushed Cat towards one of the free seats.

“Enny! Bringing us fresh meat?” someone called out.

“You’re new, so you don’t have to show off your moves,” Ennoia assured, patting Cat’s arm. “I just want to beat the shit out of someone. And don’t tell anyone I took you here, hm?”

“Why?”

“It’s not the sort of place you’re meant to take cute little things like you,” she said, grinning. “So enjoy the show, and we’ll go to dinner later. And then you’ll come to ours. June has been baking.”

“Oh! Okay.” Cat could always be paid off with baking. He settled cross-legged on a cushion, where he could have the best view of the fights. It was almost like a dance, fast and brutal, and utterly fascinating. When Ennoia was done, he almost wanted to stay.


End file.
